Managing Difficult Conversations #2 (of 4) The FPQ Technique

So, when there's a bit of bad news to give to a customer or colleague, but there's a little bit of good news to tell, then nothing is more powerful than the Tape Technique, which we looked at in last weeks article.

However, what do we do when we have no good news at all to give to a customer or colleague? What if there's absolutely nothing or nothing more that we can do to help someone?

?I'm sure we've all been in that difficult position where we've had to tell a customer that the answer is no, that we can't do what they're asking. The terms of their agreement with us doesn't allow us to take that action, or we can't help them any further because they've not complied with the terms and conditions of their agreement or contract with us, for example.

?It's at times like this when we subconsciously or even unconsciously find ways to soften the blow, usually with apologetic language like:

"I'm ever so sorry, Mr. Customer, but that's not covered under your policy"

Or…

"Unfortunately, Mr. Customer, we don't offer refunds under those terms."

Or…

"I'm afraid we can't accept payments from a third party."

Or…

"Unfortunately, we can't sort that out for you because you're not authorised on the account."

?And usually we'll unconsciously change our vocal tone and inflection, even lower the volume or pitch, and maybe speed up a little or become a little jumbled or muffled in our sound when we give this bad news, almost as if we're struggling to get the words out of our throat.

?Once we've given the negative reply, we sit with bated breath, hoping the customer will empathise with the difficult situation we're in, and maybe even feel a little sorry for us having to take responsibility for being the bearer of this bad news - as if!

?Yet what we fail to recognise is there is something very real happening, both physiologically and psychologically when we're in this tricky position as a Brand Ambassador, having to tell a customer we can't help them.

?Because no matter how difficult or rude or obnoxious the customer may be in these awkward scenarios, it doesn't feel good. We don't feel good when we know we can't help someone, because that's our job.

?We chose to work within a customer service environment because we enjoy serving others. We like to provide a service. We like to help people. So when we can't do our job properly, all sorts of reactions start to kick off both inside and outside of us.

?We may get a bit hot or flustered or croaky sounding and we may start to fidget a little or stumble over our words and inside, well, there's a whole other battle going on that we're fighting to get under control.

?Because psychologically when we're in a position like this, feeling stressed and anxious about what we're having to tell someone, our logical rational brain, our thinking brain, the neo-cortex part of our brain has quite literally shut down and the limbic brain has taken over.

?This is the part of the brain that houses our fight or flight response and where those unwelcomed endorphins, our amygdala sit either side of the brain, hijacking our reasoning and our logic.

?And unless and until we calm those little alarm bells down, the amygdala will ensure nothing positive or assertive or rational will come out of our mouths – or indeed, out of our fingertips on a keyboard, if we’re having to deliver an all-bad news message in writing!

?Now the good news is there are several ways to sort out the amygdala hijack, to wake up the neo-cortex and ensure our all-bad news message is delivered in a logical, factual, rational way while maintaining rapport with the other person.

?There are physical ways and there are mental ways, and the strategy I'm going to share with you today that will enable you to deliver that all bad news message to your customer or colleague is a verbal strategy known as the FPQ Technique.

?It stands for Feeling: ?where you verbally express how YOU are feeling about this difficult situation.

?Before you explain the Position, which you're able to do in a much more factual, rational way, having verbalised what you were feeling inside to calm those amygdala down and wake up your thinking logical brain.

?Before asking a Question to test for acceptance to the situation that you've explained.

?So let's have a look and listen to the FPQ Technique in practice.

?Let’s imagine you work in the accounts team of an insurance company …where you’ll be familiar with those really tricky scenarios we sometimes face, when we have to tell a customer they have to settle the late payment charges, or they have to accept there'll be no further refunds.

Or even that we're not able to extend their payment arrangements any further or maybe that we have to cancel their agreement with us altogether. Perhaps because they've not complied with the terms of their agreement, despite numerous letters or final demands or last-chance conversations that we may have had with them.

?And we can probably all relate to the usual response we'd give to these kinds of situations. We either find ourselves defending our corner, ready to fight, as opposed to flee, perhaps even sounding a little “bolshy” or curt as we tell our customer they've broken the rules, so it's their fault they're now in this position.

?Or we plan to take flight by stumbling over our words, being apologetic or sounding a little weak or flaky, as I explained earlier.

Although, by applying the FPQ Technique and thinking about how we deliver the message, using our vocal tone and inflection to inject sincerity into our voice (which we can do equally as well in an email remember), notice how much more effective the message lands with our customer.

?You might say…

"Mr. Customer, I feel so upset and frustrated that we've got to this position with your agreement, because it's my job to help you and keep your account up to date, because as a responsible insurance provider, that's what we're here to do for you. However, we're now in the third month of non-payment on the account and the terms and conditions of your arrangement with us do state clearly that this breach will result in closure, unless you're able to bring your agreement fully up to date, which you've explained you're unable to do.

?So can you appreciate why we're having to do this?"

?Or…

"So, does that all make sense and have I explained myself well enough?"

?You are much more likely to get your customer onside when you verbally express how YOU are feeling about the situation first. It's almost a mind game you're playing, looking to create some empathy from your customer so they appreciate it's not personal - it's you just doing your job. In fact, I've often heard those very words when I've been coaching at desk and one of my delegates has used the FPQ Technique to deliver an all-bad news message.

?They'll say things like;

"Look, I know it's not your fault.”

“I know you're just doing your job.”

“I'm not having a go at you.”

“I know it's not personal.”

“I'm sure if it was down to you, you'd sort it out for me."

?And that's the best response you can hope for when you're in a difficult position like this one, where you have to tell a customer you can't do your job properly, because you can't help them.

?How about giving this fantastic little one-percenter a go? We’d love to read your FPQ examples in the comments below.

?In next week's module, we’ll have a look at our third tricky scenario for managing difficult conversation - that is, when we need to bring an “around-in- circles” conversation or email exchange to a close, because we’re getting nowhere!

?Until then, keep learning and stay FIT!

For more top tips and ideas we invite you to join our FREE 30 minute training video, designed to ensure you and your teams continue to deliver remarkable customer service.? Just click on the link in the comments below.