Managing anger and inappropriate communication at workplaces

Workplace?is NOT the right place where you can scream, use abusive language, talk in a threatening way, or ridicule someone's?#culture,?#race, or?#beliefs?to express anger or dissatisfaction. If as a?leader, manager, or a customer, you feel entitled enough to take the liberty to misbehave with your?staff?or?service providers, then you may have a lot of work to do on yourself and there is help available. As a?team member?or service provider, you can refuse to participate in receiving any mistreatment. YOU have the power to set expectations and boundaries for the communications involving you. Here are a few ways to do this:

1. Respectfully and immediately draw attention to inappropriate or unacceptable behavior.

Let the other person know that you heard them use inappropriate language and that you are NOT fine with that. Be prepared that when you do this, the other person may deny saying anything inappropriate and may say - "I never said that". Still, state your point clearly WITHOUT mincing your words.

2. Let the other person know that you need to take an urgent pause.?

Ask for meeting with them after a short-break. Be prepared that when you say this, they may not like the idea of taking the pause. In this situation, you need to calmly and respectfully state your need for the pause again and mention that you are not feeling OK - you may be needing to get water or use the restroom urgently. Or directly say that you need some time to articulate your thoughts or find data/facts to respond to them in a meaningful manner. Use this pause / break to articulate your thoughts and prepare yourself to minimize reacting to what is being said to you. There is a chance that the pause may give the other person a chance to calm down as well.

3. Maintain clear and discoverable notes of your tasks / progress / Service-Level Agreements (SLAs) and ask for third-party intervention.

If you are not lagging behind on any of your tasks, or there are no SLA breaches, and you know that you have not misbehaved with anyone or caused any damage, then very confidently and respectfully ask for a neutral, third-party intervention to help you understand why the other person is coming across like they are. If there is a?#conflictresolution?center or an?#ombudsperson?at your organization, engage with them to explore your options.

4. Report them.?

It is important that you document all episodes of mistreatment regularly and electronically. Use a #recording device if you need to. Share your documentation of such episodes with the?#HR?(despite knowing that they may or not be effective at handling the matter), or with the other person's supervisor. While a single complaint may not be sufficient to trigger any serious action against the other person, a series of complaints with proper documentation is highly likely to draw the attention of the right departments. Even if you are preparing to leave the organization, PLEASE do file your report/s, especially if you are at a public institution.

There are additional effective strategies for managing communication and addressing irritation, anger, hatred, and rage at workplaces. Please feel free to reach out with any questions. Thanks!