A manager's "harmless" words that hurt coworkers

The following article is a translation of an article previously published in Japanese on the Toyo Keizai website.

To ensure psychological safety and increase workplace productivity, open and transparent communication between managers and team members is necessary. In an environment lacking such openness, team members may become anxious about expressing themselves, and managers may hesitate to provide feedback. This leads to an unproductive workplace where important matters cannot be discussed, and people engage in self-censorship.

However, while it's essential to express one's thoughts, the way of communication needs to be mindful. In this article, we will introduce some key points to consider in communication to enhance psychological safety in the workplace.

The Trap of "Why" that Pressures People

As famous in Toyota's "5 Whys" analysis, "why" is a powerful question to delve into the essence of things. In communication too, asking "why" can help to better understand each other's intentions and true meanings in many situations.

However, if used incorrectly, "why" can be a tricky word that undermines psychological safety. Managers, unknowingly, might be using it in a way that communicates doubt or negation of the other person's sincerity, earnestness, or intelligence:

"Why is your work so slow?"

"Why can't you understand such simple things?"

"Why do you talk like that?"

In reality, these questions are not inquisitive but rather come across as accusatory statements, implying:

"You are a slow worker."

"You are someone who can't understand such things."

"Your way of speaking is inadequate."

When spoken like this, the other person feels attacked and their psychological safety is reduced. In fact, even in coaching books from English-speaking countries, it is often mentioned that "why" can sound aggressive, and caution is advised when using it.

The "Harassment-Lite" Small Attacks

Let's introduce another example of unintentional behavior that may hurt team members and undermine psychological safety.

In modern workplaces, unless it's an extremely toxic environment, overtly harassing or hostile behaviors like "I'm not listening to you, shut up" or "You're really useless" may not be common.

However, what threatens psychological safety in the workplace is not just such obvious personal attacks or aggressive behaviors. Even those who believe they don't engage in behaviors resembling harassment may unknowingly hurt others and decrease psychological safety.

For instance, when a team member asks a question, do you respond with annoyance, saying, "You're asking that question again? I already explained it last time."

Or, do you show frustration, saying, "You still don't understand this? You did it again?"

Even if you say it casually or as a joke, these remarks may become small thorns that hurt the other person. Since you have no malicious intent, the recipient may find it difficult to protest and ends up suppressing their feelings, leaving them feeling unsettled.

These are examples of "microaggressions" – behaviors that may not constitute harassment but still cause distress or discomfort to the recipient. Actions that aim to demonstrate superiority over others can also be considered as microaggressions.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Microaggressions are not only limited to verbal expressions but also extend to non-verbal expressions, such as attitude and facial expressions.

For example, when a team member approaches you in person and you continue typing on your computer while saying, "Yeah, yeah," it also qualifies as a microaggression. While you might simply be busy and not intentionally avoiding eye contact, the team member may interpret it as "I'm not being heard properly" or "I'm being treated carelessly," leading to a lack of psychological safety.

Microaggressions occur daily and are impossible to completely eliminate. However, by being mindful of how managers behave from the perspective of team members, it is possible to significantly reduce them.

Being aware of whether your casual remarks inadvertently undermine someone's psychological safety can help improve the way we communicate with each other.

This article is a reference to my Japanese book “心理的安全性 最強の教科書”?- "Psychological safety. The guide to high performing teams"