Managers are in a Codependent Relationship with the Complainers – And It’s Got to Stop
The last time I came across this phenomenon, it was because someone had used the word “sick” to describe time off for health reasons. Another someone didn’t like that word. And that someone made a beeline to the VPs office to let him know.
There are legitimate complaints in the workplace. Discrimination, harassment, violence, and criminal activity all warrant complaints and people need to feel free to report them. Using the word, “sick” on a whiteboard to discuss time off and how it would be distinguished from vacation time in a new tracking system is not discrimination, harassment or criminal.
If you’re a manager, you may have noticed that the same people seem to lodge complaints over and over. They arrive on rotation and complain about the same people – those trying to make things happen, such as work, progress and innovation. Often, it’s newbies and keeners that arouse complaints, or the outliers. Anyone who speaks up and suggests something creative that requires people to step up and do something differently usually winds up on a complainer’s agenda. Sound familiar?
The problem is, complainers enjoy complaining. You won’t hear the words: “aw, shucks, I’ve got to complain to management again.” No. What they most love is the practiced, sympathetic gaze they get from the manager. That’s their favorite part.
A good manager knows he or she is there to serve the needs of the team. The team looks to their manager for leadership, understanding, and support. What managers must know is that complainers don’t complain because something in the world is off and they must fix it. They complain because they’re addicted to complaining, and the rare legitimate complaint is thrown in just to keep us all guessing. Lodging a complaint, legitimate or not, is a moment a complainer has a captive audience and validation for their discomfort and resistance to change.
I suspect some of the managers enjoy it, too. The whole part about being consulted behind a closed door, confided in, and trusted to make things right feels good. What harm could come from it?
One group gets forgotten in this equation. Those with the courage to become vulnerable before the group and suggest ideas for changing things. They become the fatalities. It takes three or four runs through the spin cycle in the manager’s office being told about the complaint to shut down a creative game-changer. Their passion slowly drains out. The inspiration and creativity dry up. They disengage.
The challenge is to shut down the complainers when the time is right. A manager must not indulge absurd complaints, no matter how offended the complainer appears to be. Nor should a manager pass on an absurd complaint to the person being complained about. You must remember that a complainer does not automatically assume the moral high ground because he or she is “offended.” They only see an opportunity to get up there, and because it feels good to be up there, they go there. The manager fielding an absurd complaint has to have a little back bone and apply some tough love.
Indulging a compulsive complainer does not help them grow. It weakens the community of your workplace and spoils creative inspiration. The temptation with a complainer is to placate him or her. This is the easiest way to get them out of your office and back to work. But in no time, this will only have them coming back for their next fix. Be firm with a chronic complainer, especially when they come in with something like the word “sick.”
I know what you’re thinking. If you don’t placate the complainer, the person will go above you, and you’ll be in a world of trouble for not dealing with it. Soon the complaint will be about you. That’s possible. Unless you deal with it properly.
Ask them, in the nicest possible way, if this is the best way for them to spend their time. Challenge them to refocus on more important priorities. Better yet, ask him or her to, next time, bring a positive report into your office. Perhaps a good report on someone they work with, praise for a job well done, will help to permanently shift the perspective. Besides, you’d rather lose a chronic complainer than a creative who has ideas now and then.