Manager Mirroring

Some time back I had written a post on “Traits That we have taken for Granted”. One of the comment by my mentor that stood out was — How “Being calm” trait was one of them and how it actually was questioned by the leader.

This comment actually triggered a thought in me on how we as leaders and managers try to mirror our self in our associates while we give feedback.

How do you identify mirroring:

Situation 1: ( Actual comment from my mentor)

We were working on a critical project and got lot of new requirements at last moment. We met in the hallway before our weekly meeting with client VP. He was very tensed and told “ we can not miss the timelines at cost” and I calmly replied “Don’t worry ****, we will deliver on time.”

He later told one of my colleague that he got really worried by my calmness. He said “Either he really understands what needs to be done or he has no Idea!” :)

In the above situation , the manager is aggressive while the team member is calm and poised. None of these traits are going to actually affect the end result. Either of them will be able to solve it in their own way. However manager was anxious when things did not run in the way he/she would have run!

Feedback 2:

“I understand that there are lot of conflicts with him/her. Why don’t you try building the rapport with him/her and see how situation changes”

Manager is a peace loving person while the team member does not want to run around bush to solve the issue

Feedback 3:

“I don’t see you asking any questions in the meeting. You should open up, this will help create a personal brand for you”

The team member needs his/her time to understand and come back with questions. But manager feels that the questions need to be asked in public.

Why does it happen:

To give a feedback, we need to have a benchmark of “Right” and “Wrong” and as a manager, we tend to keep ourselves as that benchmark and then base the feedback on top of it.

The feedbacks that pertain to soft skill are usually the victims of “Manager Mirroring” syndrome.

If Unchecked?

The ‘Manager Mirroring” bias need not apply only in feedbacks . This bias if unchecked, slowly becomes a strong contender for the leader in creating a opinion of “Who is good” and “Who needs improvement”.

How do we reduce it?

1. Do not give feedbacks for the sake of feedbacks.

2. Accept that we all are not same.

3. Stuff can happen in multiple ways, Your way is not highway

4. Judgement should be based on data and not on “How you feel”

Actionable advice

1. While you are grooming a person for any soft skill. Try to ask “Why was it done the way it was”.

2. Introspect and compare with your style and THINK if it would have made any difference.

3. If there is no difference then “Shut up”

4. If you are unsure, present both the approaches and suggest and it is upto the employee to accept the feedback.

5. If you are sure, give feedback ( HTHI — How to How it) — Action Items “How to” followed by Impact — “How it will impact”

Manager Mirroring is a unconscious bias, if it is unchecked we tend to surround ourselves with people like us and lose the growth that comes with diversity.