Manager development's gaping hole

There are many wonderful training programs for managers. Online learning has progressed to the point where courses are both accessible and enjoyable. Topics are salient and compelling. Content is well-researched and practical, engaging and interesting. Some of the best seller management courses on Udemy for example, focus on:

1. Growing your confidence
2. Clear communication
3. Effective delegation
4. Giving and receiving feedback
5. Data-driven decision-making
6. Time management
7. Influence

Who doesn’t want to grab one of those video sequences to get some tips and tricks? That’s why the learning industry has become such an income generating giant after all!

Certainly mastering “tried and true” skills is the canon of manager effectiveness and we need to know them. But…

Even after courses, videos, role plays and practice exercises, under pressure, managers continue to default to past behavior and known reactions. They find themselves triggered by other people’s behaviors but believe that by keeping a poker face they are responding appropriately and staying professional. Then they fall into the trap of repeating behaviors they told themselves they would never do.

Faulty beliefs about learning?that affect manager behavior

This disconnect comes from two faulty beliefs about how people learn and apply their learning.

Faulty belief #1: Content is the same as knowledge

Faulty belief #2: Knowledge changes behavior

Content may be excellent, but it does NOT automatically translate to changes of behavior. Look at your own life and you will see this to be true. You may know it isn’t good for you to binge watch a program until late on a weeknight, or to eat candy and chips in the afternoon when your energy is low, but you do it anyway, right? That’s because:

Knowledge does NOT change behaviour and

the best predictor of future behaviour is (unfortunately) past behaviour.

Don’t worry, there is a solution coming!

From these faulty beliefs about how people apply learning arise a fundamental misconception of what it takes to manage effectively. More content and more knowledge about why, what, and how to manage will not fill the gaping hole most managers fall into daily.?

How absence of self-awareness causes poor decisions

That hole is lack of self-awareness. I have spoken with managers who say they don’t feel anything in their bodies or notice bodily needs to the point of regularly missing cues about hunger or fatigue. They are so much “in their heads” at work, that when they go home, they can’t stop obsessive thinking loops which in turn affect sleep and decrease immune system effectiveness.

Lack of self-awareness results in emotions running the show behind the scenes with logic thrown in as an afterthought to justify or cover up embarrassing outbursts. In fact, those managers who swear up and down that they are “logical, rational” people are the most prone to be completely sidelined by their own emotional reactions. As they rant about being logical and berate others for their lack of common sense, all blood flow moves to the freeze/fight/flight parts of their brains which generates the perception of - and usually imaginary - sense of danger. As this becomes habit, the manager’s brain tends towards paranoia, obsessiveness, and fault-finding, which is unpleasant for employees. Out of their own survival reaction triggers, employees spend more time avoiding confrontation and covering their backs than doing their work. Now everyone is being overrun by dysregulated emotions, fear, anger, anxiety, and frustration. Not a happy situation for any workplace.

Lack of self-awareness is a numbness or an overreaction stemming from not working with our bodies and emotions. It is the unconscious experience of an invisible war within.

This is the very reason I start my manager training with body and emotional awareness exercises – and reinforce them throughout the training. Using breathing, visualization and tapping techniques, managers learn to tune in to their own selves, name their body sensations and their emotions and allow unpleasant reactions to release, re-establishing blood flow to the full brain and body. This process is essential to good management because when you are self-aware, you are open to the reality of what is happening around you, instead of projecting your own dysregulation onto it. Let me say that again.

?When you are self-aware, you are open to the reality of what is happening around you

instead of projecting your own dysregulation onto it.

How self-awareness and emotional regulation lead to wisdom

In a regulated state, you are much more likely to have for example, an authentic, safe, one-to-one conversation with a team member, or to effectively run a meeting as you tune into the people and truly hear what they are saying. Self-awareness, which is not difficult to learn, helps you prioritize problems instead of running from one emergency to another. Self and other awareness go hand in hand, optimizing your inner ecosystem to remember and access both your own intuition and the great things you learned earlier, to accurately read the situation at hand and make the right decision at the right time.

That kind of decision-making has a name. Wisdom.

King Solomon – an awareness-emotional regulation story!

Let’s consider the famous story about wise King Solomon when two women and two babies were presented to him, one alive and one dead. Each woman made a claim to being the mother of the live baby. As the story goes, King Solomon calmly listened to each woman’s story, thought for a bit, then came up with a brilliant maternity test. He told the women that he would cut the baby in half and each woman could walk away with half the baby. The real mother burst into tears and said, “Better to give my baby to the other women than to allow it to suffer such a cruel fate.” So, the King gave the baby to the woman who had real feelings for the child.

We can analyze this from the perspective of self-awareness and emotional regulation:

King Solomon takes the time to be present within himself, so he is in a disposition to hear what is going to be said (self-awareness increases ability to focus on others). He listens carefully to each person’s plea (listening and attentiveness – the foundation to good communication and to an impartial gathering of the facts). He does not get upset or react to either woman’s story because he is already centered, grounded, and present so he can hear both sides (logical analysis is available to him because there is blood flow to his entire brain). He takes the necessary time to think (slowing a thinking process allows creative juices to flow and options to present themselves). He comes up with a way to test the devotion and love of each woman for the child. (Synthetic problem solving). Then he moves quickly to communicate this (action) and observes the reaction (ability to be other focused a result of his own regulated nervous system). He correctly gages the reaction of the real mother and gives the baby to her (accurately reading your reality). The result is a wise decision.

You can change past behavior from predicting your future behavior. The key is to learn and apply the foundations of self-awareness and emotional regulation. As you gain skill, you find yourself less triggered, or you can bring yourself back to regulation quickly if you do get triggered. You also learn to discharge the energy from an unpleasant situation more effectively, so you don’t carry it to the next event and instead apply good decisions throughout your day. Yes, wisdom is in your future!?

If you are intrigued by this approach to management and want to learn more, check out my upcoming Effective Management In A Changing World 2-Day Bootcamp on November 29-30, 2022. It has been used with managers in several countries from multiple cultures with impactful results. Why not check out what it could do for you??

About the author

Dr. Marie Gervais is the author of?“The Spirit of Work: Timeless Wisdom, Current Realities”. She holds a PhD in Culture and Learning in the Workplace and is a Certified Conscious EFT Practitioner and Certified Emotional Success Coach. Her leadership training for industry has been used successfully with 500+ managers. Her transformational coaching has launched over 100 managers and business owners to career and business success. Dr. Gervais hosts the Culture and Leadership Connections podcast, which features interviews with diverse leaders in a variety of professions. Her publications span industry and academic journals on topics including the future of work, workplace communication, productivity and psychological safety in the workplace. Her online courses and products are used by managers and career developers around the world.?