Management Mess to Leadership Success

You don’t have all the answers. Show more humility by listening better and not overreacting.

The opposite of humility is arrogance. Author Scott Jeffrey Miller learned this the hard way when he antagonized his team members on his first day as their boss, punishing them for being late and recommending that they find other jobs. He had no idea how his arrogance hurt his credibility. Luckily, he learned from his mistake and built a better relationship with his employees.

As an executive at the FranklinCovey leadership consultancy and as the host of popular programs on iHeart Radio, Miller has interviewed many leaders. He finds that humility is the quality they value most. Humble leaders don’t need outside validation. They are outward-looking and seek to help others. They find that being humble builds character. However, humility requires listening to others. Miller admits he has a propensity for bombarding people with questions instead of giving them space to share their ideas. He learned to close his mouth to make himself listen. When you don’t listen, you fall into making assumptions and evaluating, advising and probing according to your experience – not based on what the other person tells you.

“If you’re a leader, you already have a reputation for driving results. The question is, what kind of reputation?”

Demonstrate empathy by taking the time to understand someone else’s needs, goals and pressures. Wait for people to ask you for advice instead of offering it unsolicited. Don’t interrupt during conversations, because that shows disrespect. Part of good listening is knowing how to regulate your emotions. If you hear something that upsets you, step back instead of reacting. Take responsibility for your reactions. To be prepared not to overreact, examine your values and anticipate what might trigger you.

To be trustworthy, be open and clear about your intentions, and don’t overcommit.

Do your colleagues trust you? Do you trust them? Make a list of the people to whom you extend trust and of those whose trust you want to earn. The old ways of getting ahead required lying and subterfuge. Thankfully, corporate cultures have evolved to be more transparent. To be part of creating trust, declare your intentions up front, and expect others to do so as well. During one meeting, Miller felt frustrated about a colleague’s failure to declare his intentions. The man confessed afterward that Miller intimidated him. Declaring your intent keeps the other person from making negative assumptions. Mismatched expectations cause a lot of conflicts.

“When you make a commitment, you build hope; when you keep it, you build trust.”

Trust rests on declaring your intentions and following through. That means keeping your commitments. Don’t risk your reputation by failing to follow through. Commit meaningfully to causes that matter to you.

Model the work-life balance you claim your company values. People need to see the boss take a vacation.

Everyone talks about work-life balance, but hardly anyone achieves it. To make it as a leader in a competitive corporate culture, you must work harder than everyone else. The line between work and personal life blurs. You will be less productive if you don’t take breaks, but fully 24% of Americans take no vacation at all.

“When leaders themselves don’t have a life, they not only look pitiful in the eyes of their teams, they also set a very low standard for how others behave, consciously or unconsciously.”

You can’t just advocate work-life balance; you must model it for your teams. No one will aspire to your thankless, no-vacation job. The most influential people are models of work-life balance. Admit that you struggle with it, so your colleagues see you, too, are vulnerable to overwork.

Check your paradigms. You might be making outdated or irrelevant assumptions.

Do you make assumptions according to your long-held personal perceptions and beliefs? You may be in a paradigm trap. Paradigm means “pattern” in Greek, and most people have patterns they follow. For example, Miller failed to check his paradigm when a colleague he saw as below him in the hierarchy asked him to demonstrate his work on a project. Miller didn’t give the colleague credit for working hard toward promotion, and focused instead on where his colleague was relative to his own position in the hierarchy. Miller shut his colleague down harshly in front of his peers and later regretted it.

If you work on your relationships and learn about people’s needs, you can avoid making assumptions. Miller usually has his setting on “fast” when it comes to interactions with people, but getting to know a person is an investment, and investments take time and consideration. Reflect on how you think about people, and correct your misperceptions and outdated beliefs. The better you connect with people, the less likely you are to fall into the paradigm trap.

“Our paradigms are perhaps the most powerful tools we have in how we interact with others.”

Do not insulate yourself from the truth. Some leaders don’t encourage criticism or feedback on their own performances, but they omit getting feedback at their peril. Make it safe for your people to be honest. That will benefit you and your company’s brand. You can’t only say you appreciate hearing the truth. You must demonstrate that the feedback makes a genuine difference and that you see it as constructive.

Great leaders know when to have the “difficult conversations,” and when to say nothing.

Leaders get to do lots of cool stuff, like interview new associates, coach team members, reward success, design strategy and lead conversations. But it’s not all fun and games. If having difficult conversations is not on your list of leadership obligations, fire yourself now. Miller is accomplished at having difficult conversations, but when others say it’s easy for him, Miller says they’re wrong. It took him a lot of practice with plenty of failures. Leadership often calls for having difficult conversations, but it can change people’s lives.

Check your intentions. You want only the best for the person you’re evaluating. Practice with someone you trust. Get expert advice. Listen to the other person, ask open-ended questions, make the conversation a “win-win,” and avoid assumptions and negative comparisons. Show empathy. Be thoughtful and mindful so you don’t damage the person’s self-esteem.

“Many cultural misalignments and interpersonal conflicts are caused by otherwise very competent and well-intended leaders who can’t find the right balance between courage and consideration.”

Sometimes, not saying anything is best. Balance the courage to talk straight and manage difficult conversations with avoiding bullying, intimidating or being demanding. It might seem that some successful people get what they want by being aggressive, but refusing to collaborate or compromise doesn’t encourage trust, only fear.

Practice loyalty, correct wrongs when you see them and coach continuously.

Miller grew up around gossip. He didn’t stop gossiping until he joined FranklinCovey. As its founder, Dr. Stephen Covey, wrote, “When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present.” By being loyal and not gossiping about people who aren’t around to defend themselves, you demonstrate to your team members that you will honor them the same way. Miller had to learn to curb his tendency to gossip. He learned to live by the “Platinum Rule”: Treat others the way they want to be treated.

When you say the wrong thing, apologize. People feel that apologizing makes them look weak. But having the humility to say you’re sorry takes self-esteem. The more humble leaders are, the more confidence they project. When you apologize, you’ll be amazed at how open the wronged party will become. Taking responsibility requires courage.

“Telling reinforces dependency; coaching develops capability.”

Coaching is part of your responsibility for your team’s well-being. As a coach, you must lift people above their failings and help them succeed. Head off problems before they become serious.

Great leaders have a vision, and they know how to implement it strategically with their teams.

A great vision should be an idea you can communicate easily in 30 seconds or less. Once you create a vision, follow through and make it real. Too often, a vision fails to reach the next level because team members become confused or don’t feel inspired. That could be the result of a poor cultural fit or of offering a vision that is too far-fetched. Create a strong message, repeat it often and solicit ambassadors to promote it. If too many things are urgent or if the leader is unclear, the vision will falter. Identify and stick with your “Wildly Important Goals” (WIGs). Charismatic idea generators can help a firm energize and innovate, but they must practice discernment.

“At a high level, creating a vision means defining where your team is going and how they will get there. Notice the ‘how’ part.”

To succeed with your WIGs, be strategic. Identify the one area where a change would have the biggest impact on the company’s other organizational goals. Share them with your team. Collaborate with pivotal stakeholders, choose goals to focus on, and be aware of the goals you aren’t focusing on for now. Communicate constantly, track your progress and delegate as necessary. Align your resources and values with your WIGs. Learn and try new things. Keep your eye on the big picture.

Make high-value decisions, be sure your systems support your vision and celebrate wins.

Systems are complicated, and it’s difficult to change them in a corporate culture that accepts “good enough.” Challenging processes is also hard, but you can address redundancies and improve outcomes. Ask yourself if the right people are in the right positions. Do they work well together? Do they have the necessary resources? Does the organization have the right processes? Discerning what is valuable and what isn’t may not be easy. You don’t want results – you want the right results. Consider horse racing. A good jockey will pull a horse out of a race if it has an injury because getting results means winning future races, not just the current one. A leader who focuses only on winning the race can inadvertently hurt his or her team.

Being “busy” is not the same as being productive. Strive to achieve the right results in the right way. You won’t always know what is the most valuable, so ask for help. Be humble and don’t go it alone. Resist getting sucked into minutiae and losing sight of the larger goal. Miller once celebrated a big win by shooting 28 million pieces of confetti out of three cannons. You might not have the budget for that but resist the urge to wait for the “perfect” win before opening the champagne.

Change is inevitable. Know the difference between being reckless and being fearless.

Miller found it painful to see a colleague he mentored move past him on the corporate ladder. The lesson: You must be mindful of how an unwelcome change affects you and your team. Balance your feelings while maintaining a professional attitude. Think abundantly – the world has enough success for everyone.

“Be fearless about your own professional development and learning.”

Business author Seth Godin told Miller that a good entrepreneur needs to know the difference between recklessness and fearlessness. Quitting your job with no savings so you can write a novel is reckless. Calling editors to pitch your great idea for a book is fearless. Take risks to succeed, but only calculated risks. Commit to continuous improvement through continuous learning and challenging yourself. Get feedback from colleagues and mentors. Avoid critics and naysayers who won’t raise the stakes in their own lives. Learn new skills and use them to become the best you can be.

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About the Author

Scott Jeffrey Miller, executive vice president of thought leadership at FranklinCovey Co., hosts On Leadership With Scott Miller, a weekly webcast, podcast and newsletter, and Great Life, Great Career With Scott Miller on iHeartMedia’s KNRS 105.9.