MANAGE UP TO GIVE FEEDBACK. SAY LESS. ASK MORE.

Posted under Business Communication Career Management Leading Organizations Managing People on April 28, 2024 by Shari Harley

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Employees are often afraid of the most senior people in organizations, simply because of their titles. The better the title, the scarier people are. And if employees are scared of organizational leaders, they’re not going to give those leaders negative feedback. The most senior people in an organization get the least information of anyone.

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No one likes to be told they are wrong. Negative feedback tells the person they did something wrong. But there is more than one way to give feedback. Asking questions can be equally as effective as giving direct feedback.

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If you want to give a senior person negative feedback, but you’re afraid of the consequences, manage up by asking more and saying less.

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Here are some ways to manage up by asking questions:

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Rather than saying, “I disagree, I think you’re wrong, or this is a mistake,” consider managing up by asking questions like:

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We’ve chosen to invest a lot in this software. I wasn’t here when the software was chosen. What’s the history of this initiative?

What were the criteria for selection?

What are you concerned about?

What are you satisfied with?

What else have we tried?

What are your thoughts about…?

What if we tried…?

Asking questions gets the person involved in a discussion, during which you can eventually express your point of view. When you ask questions, you say very little, and definitely don’t call the person’s decision-making into question.

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Human beings are wired for survival. Receiving negative feedback kicks the need to defend oneself into gear, hence why people become defensive when they receive negative feedback. Negative feedback calls survival into question. If you don’t want people to become defensive, don’t require them to defend themselves. A discussion, during which you ask questions, is much less threatening than overtly disagreeing with someone’s point of view.

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Asking questions takes more time and more patience than giving direct feedback. But it also takes less courage, and the quality of your relationship doesn’t have to be as good. You need a pretty good relationship to give direct feedback. If you don’t have that relationship, manage up by asking questions instead of being so direct.

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If you do choose to ask questions, watch your tone. If you can safely add the words “you dummy” to a question, you aren’t really asking a question, you’re giving feedback, which is likely to evoke the defensive response you’re seeking to avoid.

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It’s important to be able to express your point-of-view at work. Staying in a job or organization in which you can’t speak up, doesn’t feel great and doesn’t leverage the best of what you have to offer. But if you’re concerned about giving direct feedback, manage up by asking questions.? Say less. Ask more.

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About Shari Harley

Shari Harley is the founder and President of Candid Culture, a Denver-based training firm that is bringing candor back to the workplace, making it easier to give feedback at work. Shari is the author of the business communication book How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships that Really Work. She is a keynote speaker at conferences and does training throughout the U.S. Learn more about Shari Harley and Candid Culture’s training programs at www.candidculture.com.