Manage Conflicts Effectively

In the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth I of England faced resistance from her cousin Mary Stuart, Queen Consort of France and claimant to the English throne, who refused to renounce Catholicism. Although religion has always been a cause of disputes, it was not the only, nor the main reason for the rivalry between the two monarchs. In fact, it was the cunning and ambition of their trusted men that pitted these two cousins against each other, in addition to the impending rivalry over beauty and the legitimacy of the English throne, which rightfully belonged to Mary and not Elizabeth. The conflict between them would last their entire lives. There are many more examples of conflicts throughout history: from romantic writers Lord Byron and John Keats, scientists Charles Darwin and Richard Owen, to visionaries Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla.

Conflict has always existed and is inherent to human nature, and can arise in any situation and context, including naturally, in your workplace.

According to psychologists De Dreu and Gelfand in their book 'Conflict in the Workplace: Sources, Functions, and Dynamics across Multiple Levels of Analysis', workplace conflict is a process that begins when an individual or group perceives differences and opposition between themselves and another individual or group regarding interests and resources, beliefs, values, or practices that matter to them. In other words, what you want does not align with what I want. But it doesn't have to be just a 'fight' or struggle between individuals. A dull work environment can also be a source of conflict within the team.

An inadequate resolution of a conflict in a company can affect its external and internal image, worsen the work environment, and decrease the productivity of both workers and leaders. In fact, it is estimated that if you are a manager, you spend an average of 25% of your time resolving conflicts, instead of dedicating it to business development. According to Christine Porath, associate professor at Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business, 62% of employees surveyed reported having had some minor conflict at work at least once a week, and a survey conducted by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development found that four out of ten employees in the UK reported experiencing some form of interpersonal conflict at work in the past year, mostly with their immediate superior. Meanwhile, CPP Global conducted a major international study of 5,000 employees in nine different countries: Germany, Belgium, Brazil, Denmark, the United States, France, Ireland, the Netherlands, and the UK. This study found that 85% of employees have to deal with conflicts in their workplace, an average of 2.1 hours per week, which amounted to a cost of 359 billion dollars in 2008. With these data, I am sure that conflict is part of your daily work dynamics.“

However, conflict does not always have to be negative. We can consider it positive in terms of an opportunity to change something that is not working in our organization. That is why it is so important to learn to identify, prevent, and resolve conflicts that may arise as efficiently and effectively as possible.

When faced with a conflict within your company, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself:

What do the affected parties need and why are they dissatisfied?

That is, identify the problem first and identify the cause of that problem afterwards. Neuroscience tells us that we are biologically equipped to be empathetic, that is, to feel what others feel: this is known as emotional intelligence, which has been deeply studied by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his book 'Emotional Intelligence'. One of the foundations of this intelligence is the existence of "mirror neurons", which give us the ability to understand what the individual in front of us is feeling. Some people are more skilled at capturing what others feel because their mirror neuron system is more active. Many conflicts, tensions, and confrontations between individuals would be solved if we were a little more empathetic, if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes. But sometimes there is something that prevents us from entering the minds of others. What is that something that prevents us from understanding what the other person needs? Negative emotions. Factors such as lack of self-esteem, distrust, fear of expressing feelings or being hurt, egocentrism, or feeling superior to others prevent us from empathizing with others. This happens in our daily lives and also in the workplace. But there can also be external causes that make us lose motivation and with it, productivity.

A few years ago, psychologists Art Bell and Brett Hart, from the University of Florida, highlighted in their book "Conflict in the Workplace" the main causes of conflicts that can arise in a work environment:

• Resource conflicts
• Style conflicts
• Perception conflicts
• Goal conflicts
• Pressure conflicts
• Role and value conflicts

Knowing the cause of the conflict helps you identify the most appropriate solution for each case. Let's look at them in detail:

1. RESOURCE CONFLICTS.

Resource conflicts arise when two or more workers need to use the same resources to carry out their tasks. For example, when they want to use the same meeting room, the same company vehicle, or even the boss' time. To avoid these types of situations, it is advisable to work on communication and negotiation, openly presenting the reasons why these resources are needed and negotiating priorities.

2. CONFLICT OF STYLES

Now let's imagine two female workers in the same company, Laura and Maria. Laura is very creative, likes to work individually, comes up with breakthrough solutions, is talkative, and very affectionate with her colleagues. She has been working for the company for a couple of years. Maria is more serious, very methodical and organized. She likes structured and organized work and usually provides practical solutions. Maria joined the company 10 years ago. Both are very good workers, but they have very different styles and personalities. If we forced them to work together day after day, a conflict of styles would probably arise. As leaders of a company, we have to know the characteristics of each worker well (through personality tests, for example) and assign different roles based on these characteristics. Not only will we avoid possible conflicts, but we will also be promoting each worker's development based on their skills and strengths.

3. CONFLICT OF PERCEPTIONS

Likewise, it is likely that, in the face of a problem or situation, Laura and Maria have different points of view, and with them, different interpretations that can generate what are called conflicts of perceptions. Let's give an example: the hiring of a new colleague in the administration department, where they both work. Laura sees it as an advantage, while Maria considers it as an attack on her job. In this sense, it is very important to work on communication and provide very clear information to the work team, avoiding rumors and hallway comments. This conflict may also arise when one department is considered more valuable than another within the company or when workers perceive it that way, even when it is not reality. A good leader must know how to motivate and value each worker individually and the team as a whole: they are all key pieces for the business.

4. CONFLICT OF GOALS

In this case, it may happen that workers performing different tasks have the same goal or, more commonly, it arises when different managers or workers have different goals or objectives, sometimes contradictory to each other. It is essential that there is a clear goal and that the management communicates it to the employees. This way, the work will be more effective. Let's go back to our friends Laura and Maria. We'll remember that both worked in the administration department. Juan, the Accounting manager, told them that they need to spend 20% less on supplier invoices during the next quarter, but Diego, who is the Marketing director, insisted that they must hire a new service provider immediately. What should Laura and Maria do? What directive should they follow? How do they deal with both objectives? The goals of different departments in a company must be able to coexist and not be mutually exclusive, and it is the leader's mission to establish a clear objective and communicate it to the team.

5. CONFLICTS OF PRESSURES

In conflicts of pressures, it is clear that communication, clear objectives, and establishing priorities for team members are important premises to avoid conflicts. As parts of the same machine, we depend on each other to effectively perform our work. If the head of Accounting asks Laura to process invoices during the morning, but she depends on Maria to complete a report with data provided by a third colleague, which the Director of Marketing has given her two hours to complete, the situation will inevitably result in discomfort and conflict between these two workers. Good coordination between the needs of middle management and communication between all parties involved will greatly alleviate the pressure exerted on employees.

These are just a few examples of everyday situations that occur within a company. As we have seen, in all these conflicts, many factors come into play, both external to the workers (lack of resources, unclear objectives, lack of priorities, unattainable goals) and internal (lack of motivation, personal skills, different points of view, lack of self-confidence, fear of losing their job, feeling threatened...). The reality is that when there is a conflict, there is rarely only one isolated cause, but several factors that converge at the same time, and normally persist over time.

We still have three situations to see that often give rise to conflicts among the workers of a company, either with the company as an entity or with other workers or direct or indirect bosses. How do you think our workers Laura and María will react to these conflicts? Let's see!

6 and 7. ROLE CONFLICT AND VALUE CONFLICT

Role conflict and value conflict are two of the situations that involve the emotional side of workers the most. In the first case, sometimes tasks are assigned to employees that have little to do with their usual responsibilities or that do not coincide with the skills of that worker. In these situations, they may feel that the task in question should be performed by another colleague or even those other employees feel their professional role threatened and cause intentional or unintentional aggressive or passive-aggressive (sabotage) behaviors that affect the good work environment of the company. In these cases, it is important that there is a good reason to choose that employee for the task in question, and not the one who usually performs it, and to be very clear when assigning it.

Now let's go back to our examples, Maria and Laura. Maria has been with the company for 10 years and is very committed to its values, in addition to being a person with strong moral and religious convictions. Laura's values also align with those of the company, but she is much more flexible in terms of her moral and religious convictions. Once again, we find ourselves facing a conflict between them: a values conflict. Each person has their own values and sometimes they can clash with those of other workers and even with those of the company itself. It is a very delicate issue because ethics and values must always be respected. This means that the way to solve this problem goes back to the moment of hiring. Good personnel selection will be key. In case the selection has already been made, the way to avoid generating a conflict of this type is for the team leader to know the ethics of each of their workers and avoid assigning them tasks with which they do not feel comfortable. For their part, employees must learn to work as a team and accept diversity in the workplace.

8. CONFLICT OF POLICIES

Lastly, a company must have very clear, understandable, and consistent policies. That is, those policies must be the same at any time and for all employees, and they must understand them perfectly. This does not mean that they cannot change, since every business evolves, but in case of doing so, it must be communicated clearly and effectively. This way, uncomfortable and unpleasant situations will be avoided. The absence of clear policies or constantly changing policies can create an environment of uncertainty and conflict.

But the emergence of a conflict not only affects the work environment or the productivity of a company. Conflicts physically affect those involved, and they often occupy our thoughts and cause emotional distress, not only for those involved in the problem but also for those who have nothing to do with it at first (other co-workers, our partner, children...). And although in most cases, the mediation or intervention of the team leader is totally necessary due to the inability of the employees themselves to face their conflicts or external causes, we also have to look inside ourselves to find the cause and solution to that problem.

The reason why each of us personally gets angry at a certain moment depends on various factors. It could be that you're hungry, slept poorly, were stuck in traffic for over an hour, have a sore back... or work near a colleague who provokes this physical reaction in you. You'll know you're upset by the rapid beating of your heart, cold hands, muscle tension, or shallow and fast breathing.

At this very moment, you can start to act to try and reduce that level of stress or frustration and avoid getting to the next step. To do so, do some relaxation and breathing exercises. Our normal breathing rate is fast and shallow, and even more so in a situation of anger. Learn to breathe through your nose and bring more oxygen to your muscles: this will make them relax. Visualizing images or listening to relaxing music can also help you find the calm you have lost. To do this, find a place where you can be calm, away from the source of discomfort, and spend a few minutes on this task. And when possible, go for a walk or engage in any physical activity. It will help you channel the activation of your body and release tensions: you don't have to run a marathon, a walk during lunch or break time will suffice.

The second necessary component for anger is known as trigger thoughts. Just as pulling the tab on a shaken soda can make it explode, these thoughts are enough to "activate" us once we are angry. As psychologist Brett Hart explains in his article 'Conflict in the Workplace', in most cases, these thoughts can be divided into two categories: "shoulds" and "blames". In the case of "shoulds", we may think that things at work "should" be more fair, or that a coworker "should" be rewarded for what they did, or that another coworker "should" do a task they are not doing. In the case of "blames", we may see others as the cause of our current difficulties: we blame them for not being able to do our job, for our task turning out badly, or for our boss assigning us a task that is not our responsibility.

In any case, these thoughts are irrational because they demand flawless behavior from others that only fits our desires. When we allow these thoughts to go unquestioned, they can trigger our anger towards others. As a result, it is important to work on recognizing these irrational thoughts and challenging them. How can we do that? A good way is to examine those thoughts. Writing them down on paper when we are angry can help us discern whether they are rational or irrational thoughts. Talking to a trusted person about what we are feeling and requesting their opinion can offer us a point of view we hadn't considered.

Of course, some conflicts at work simply require us to confront the other person. The most effective way to do this is to use what is known as an "assertive" approach, instead of an aggressive or passive approach. Being assertive requires effort and practice. This is what we talked about before with mirror neurons, which give us empathy and allow us to try to understand what the other person requires of us.

If at any given moment, as a team leader or as a regular worker, you need to confront a colleague or a superior, these tips offered by workplace conflict specialist psychologist Brett Hart can be useful to carry it out:

1. Make a plan. Think ahead about what you want to address and how to do it.
2. Request a time. You should establish a time to talk, in a place where you cannot be interrupted, and for a necessary but not excessive time.
3. Focus on the issue. Address only one issue at a time. It's no use bringing up unrelated matters or things that happened a long time ago.
4. Be brief and specific.
5. Focus on a behavior that can be changed, not on a way of being or personality. State your complaint as a specific action the other person can recognize and work to change (for example, "I would like you to arrive to work on time" instead of "I would like you to be more punctual“).

However, in some cases, when faced with a conflict, we may not be able to confront our coworker or superior directly. In these cases, the mediation or intervention of a third party outside of the organization or the conflict in question can be a good solution to the problem. A mediator who has experience in conflict resolution and understands the company culture can help establish the cause of the problem and prevent future conflicts.

So, the next time a conflict arises, take a moment and ask yourself this series of questions:

• What could be the cause of the conflict?
• Is it because you or someone else needs a resource?
• Is someone's style different from yours?
• How do others perceive the situation?
• Are the priorities of goals and action plans in order?
• Is there conflicting pressure?
• Is an employee concerned about a change in roles?
• Is the conflict generated by different personal values?
• Is there a clear company policy on the situation?
• Will I be able to resolve it myself or will I need a mediator to solve it?

The hardest part to learn is managing your emotions. Breathing and relaxation exercises help you in the short term with anger and frustration. Long term, acting assertively is what leads to success in conflicts, but it requires training.

Once you recognize the cause of the conflict, choose the best strategy to resolve it. Avoid negative thoughts and act assertively. Try to find creative solutions that are a win-win for both parties, and if the problem is still not resolved, seek a mediator.

One of the best ways to prevent future conflicts is to clearly communicate the company's values and establish a brand identity that employees can relate to and appreciate. Ultimately, a clearly established set of values will help employees understand whether they are in the right or wrong when conflicts arise. Managers and business owners must also prioritize treating all staff members with respect and equality, create a fair management system, and be as transparent as possible at all times. Other ways to prevent conflict in the workplace include leading by example and giving praise and corrections as soon as possible to reinforce positive behaviors and discourage negative ones. Companies tend to thrive better in cooperative environments than in purely competitive ones, so social activities can solidify good relationships between team members.

Carmen López

Business Psychologist

#konflikt #conflict #assertivity #carmenlopez #businesspsychology