A Man walks into a Deli (or how to pick a digital marketing agency)

A man walks into a deli and says to the person at the counter, "I'd like some food please..." Sounds like the opening to a joke, right? But it's not. It's exactly how most companies approach finding a digital marketing agency.

"We need digital marketing."

"We want more leads."

"Can you help us with social?"

Generic requests that lead to generic solutions. And with approximately 54,216 digital marketing agencies in the United States alone, each claiming they can do everything from SEO to social media, PPC to content marketing - how do you possibly choose?

It's like walking into a car dealership and saying "I'd like a car" without specifying whether you need a family minivan or a delivery truck. Or telling your contractor "I'd like a building" without mentioning if it's for retail or manufacturing.

The Old School Approach (That's Not Working)

Here's what's fascinating - most businesses are still picking digital agencies the same way they find doctors, lawyers, or dentists. You know the drill: ask a friend (40-50%), check the network directory (30-35%), or scroll through online reviews (20-25%).

Works great for finding someone to fix your teeth. Not so much for finding someone to fix your digital strategy.

Why? Because unlike medical or legal professionals who have standardized qualifications (you know, little things like medical degrees and bar exams), digital agencies operate in the equivalent of the Wild West. Anyone with a laptop and a LinkedIn profile can claim to be a "full-service digital agency."

The Painful Pitfalls (You're Probably Making)

1. The "Jack of All Trades" Trap

Would you trust a brain surgeon who also does landscaping and tax returns? Then why trust an agency claiming to be world-class at every digital discipline ever invented?

2. The Case Study Mirage

"We helped Nike increase engagement by 500%!" Cool story. But unless you have Nike's budget, team, and brand recognition, that case study is about as useful as a sandbox in the Sahara.

3. The Budget Blunder

Picking the cheapest option? You might as well flush your marketing budget down the drain. Going for the most expensive? Hope you like paying for fancy offices and “free” agency lunches.

4. The "It Worked for Them" Fallacy

Your brother-in-law’s friend's second cousin's digital agency doubled their dog grooming business's revenue. Great story. Amazing! But unless you're also in the business of pet pampering, that success story means exactly nothing for your B2B software company.

Your No-Nonsense Guide to Getting It Right

So I’ve told you what doesn’t work, so now let me tell you what does:

1. Get Specific (Really Specific)

Before you even think about talking to agencies, know exactly what you need. "More sales" isn't specific. "30% increase in qualified B2B leads from manufacturing companies in the Midwest" - now that's specific.

2. Find Your Specialist

Want to know a secret? The best agencies usually aren't "full-service." They're the ones who are amazing at one or two things and aren't afraid to admit what they don't do.

2a. Find Your Specialist II

Sometimes you need to step back and ask if you have a team or marketing leader who knows how to manage your potential agency. Agencies aren’t set and forget.? They follow strategic direction and require oversight. If you don’t have marketing leadership, find a fractional or full time marketing leader who does.

3. Stalk Their Marketing

If their own website looks like it was built in 1999, their social media hasn't been updated since last Christmas, and their blog posts read like they were written by a caffeinated teenager - run.

4. Demand Real Numbers

"We'll increase your visibility!" isn't a metric. It's a fortune cookie. Ask for specific KPIs and how they'll be measured. If they start sweating, there's your answer.

5. Trust Your Gut

If they're talking more about their ping-pong table than your business goals, or if they're promising first-page Google rankings "guaranteed" - your gut knows what to do.

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And, dear readers, since I like you all (well, most of you), here’s a little extra.

BONUS: The Real Talk About What's Coming

What Actually Happens:

• Month 1-2: Lots of questions, meetings, and setup. If they're not asking enough questions, they're doing it wrong.
• Regular check-ins (if you have to chase them, chase them right out the door)
• Clear reports that your grandmother could understand (or at least your 13 year old)
• A plan for when things go wrong (because they will)

Red Flags Bigger Than a Shark Warning:

• "Guaranteed results!" (Nobody can guarantee Google anything)
• Secret "proprietary methods" (it's marketing, not the formula for Coca-Cola or KFC’s coating)
• They don't ask about your business model (red flag, meet deal breaker)
• "Sign this 12-month contract right now!" (Desperation isn't attractive)
• "Trust us, we know what we're doing" (Show, don't tell)

Here's the bottom line: You wouldn't order "food" for your wedding reception. Don't order generic "digital marketing" for your business. Be specific, be demanding, and don't settle for agencies that promise everything to everyone.

Why? Because at the end of the day, you're not looking for an agency. You're looking for results. And those come from specialists who know exactly what they're good at - and aren't afraid to tell you what they're not.

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