TO BE A MAN IN A MODERN WORLD

I'll tell you the punchline now.

I don't really know what it means to be a man in the modern world.

Sometimes, I feel lost in gender expectations and assumptions about being a man.

Sometimes, I feel lost in generational traditions and the transition of this modern world.

But then again, my home seems to be these places and phases of transition.

It got me wondering what I do know, right here and now.

So, here's what I know about being a man in a modern world...

I know that many of my male clients come to me having spent a life feeling they need to be the unwavering, unfaltering, unremitting pillar of strength and support for their communities. They are gentlemen and gentle-men.

But they secretly struggle. I know that the thing they find hardest is to express their vulnerabilities. To take off the mask, if only for a moment. And this affects them and those close to them more than they realise, and they are able to express.

I know that values are at the heart of everything, and everyone. And in the few vulnerable conversations I've had around gender, it all comes back to values. And I'm not just talking about how it comes back to being human. I mean that the only things that really matter are self-definition, self-discovery, self-identity, and self-worth.

I know that authenticity trumps just about anything, and that searching for authenticity, speaking with authenticity, writing with authenticity, and leading with authenticity is the way. I know that the quest to find one’s authentic self as existed for as long as humans have existed. And that gender authenticity is just one expression of that. It's not new.

I know that Jules and I are gender-role reversed in almost everything. It makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me curious, makes me proud. It's why we work. It's why we are strong. It's why almost all of our good friends are the same.

I know that while I'm very willing to discuss what it means to be a man in a modern world, I'm not interested in doing so within many of the echo-chamber communities that seem to exist on the Internet.

I know that I can see...feel…chauvinism...hatred...ego...patriarchy…so much more now. I can feel it in conversations, in posts, in energies, in intentions. I kind of hate that I can feel this, for many reasons. I've learned how important it is to stand against it and am learning how to stand against it as an ally, and set boundaries for myself and what I let into my world.

I know that language is incredibly powerful. Words matter. They can divide, or they can connect. They can break down walls or create them. I know that they help me to understand myself and the world. And while words are my thing, I know that I'm going to get a LOT of stuff wrong, I have no doubt I have in this post. I just hope that I'm heading in a direction of getting it right. I know that I know that I know that all of us are just figuring it out as we go, and I know I'd like to be on that train, please.

I know that all I can do is hold myself up to the highest standards of what I believe it is to be a man in a modern world. That's not about definition. It's about exploration. What it means to be a husband, a father, a son. But also, a male coach, a male friend...a male. I see so many examples of each of these that go against my values, so...

I know I'll continue to do my best to not be like them. Because I crave, with every fibre of my being, to be a better version of each of these. For myself, for my wife, for my sons, for my family, for my friends, for my clients, for my people. This isn't coming from a place of comparison or ego; it's coming from a place of wanting to be the change and wanting to be a better example.

I know that there will be conversations going on today, International Men's Day, about why men need a day. I know that there will be conversations going on today about how every day is men day. I know that there will be conversations about the reasons why men do need a day. I've not read a single one of them before writing this point. Because this is about my search, within me.

I know that at the end of the day, it's about being a human. But I wanted this to be a self-exploration of being a man in a modern world, and all this day is for me, is an opportunity, a catalyst, a reason to step into my own vulnerability and write this.

I know that I'm not speaking for every man here. I'm speaking, and writing, for me.

And if this writing speaks to you, then that's good too.