A man is known by the mentor he keeps

My first mentor was my grandfather, Bhau. A lawyer by profession, he was ahead of his times. Through his actions and deeds, he inculcated great values.?

? Self-respect: Even when the chips are down, never compromise your self-respect?

? Gender equality: He had five daughters. In the 1930s, when our community didn’t believe in girls’ education, he tried to provide as many opportunities to them as he could?and made them self-reliant.

? Surround yourself with smart people: You only become smarter in their company.

? Integrity: Now that holds an interesting story. Not only did I learn lessons of integrity from Bhau, but he also taught me how to impart long-lasting lessons and imbibe values.

My lesson on integrity at the age seven:

I must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade. I had gone to a stationery shop with Bhau, where I really liked a pencil doll. A spring made the head of the doll bob mesmerisingly. I wanted to buy it, but it was costly, so Bhau vetoed it. The doll does not help improve your handwriting nor your math!? But I could not forget the doll and was picturing the bobbing head of the doll on my pencil. And lo and behold, a couple of days later, Bhau saw a doll on my pencil. And here is how the conversation unfolded:?

?"Where did you get this doll from?"

"My classmate gifted it to me", I replied, keeping the tone as casual as I could.

"Which friend?"?

I quickly blurted out whatever name came to mind. The response had to be quick to be more convincing.

"Let's go to the house of your classmate!" Wow! this was getting serious now!?

By now, you must have figured out that I had actually stolen the doll from the stationery shop.

However, I was na?ve and thought there was no way that Bhau would find out. I just had to play it cool. It was the 70's. I couldn’t use a mobile phone or social media to alert my friend. So, my mind started working at a furious pace, churning out ideas for survival.

"Actually, I mixed up!” I tried to recover, “In fact, my cousin gave it to me, not my friend."

The introduction of my cousin was well-calculated:

a. He lived far away, and I knew it was time for Bhau to go to work. So, an immediate confrontation with my cousin was not possible.?

b. My cousin was a carefree and defiant kid, so I was sure he would support my bluff without any hesitation.

"Let’s go to his house!" Bhau dropped the bombshell.

"But your office ....." my feeble attempt was cut short. Bhau was already on his bike.

I don’t remember everything clearly from that day's events, but I do remember that this was the longest ever journey to my cousin's house. I was super scared, and was praying to all the gods I knew from Indian mythology! At least one of them would listen to my prayers! I was hoping against hopes that my cousin would not be home. However, I experienced first-hand how Murphy's law works! So, there he was!?

"Did you give Abhijit this?"?asked Bhau holding the bobbing doll forward. It was not fair that Bhau did not give my cousin any context. Without any background, cousin would get confused and was sure to forget the ‘fact’ that he gave me the doll!?

"Not at all!" my cousin looked perplexed.?

This was definitely not going in the right direction! So, I pitched in, "Don’t you remember, you gave me this on Wednesday morning?"

What I had not calculated was, that if my cousin had agreed to having given the doll to me, he would have more things to explain. for example, - where did he get the money from, to buy such a 'costly' doll?

Despite my frantic signalling, my cousin did not agree to have ‘gifted’ me the doll. What a traitor!

Then I finally took out the last weapon from the arsenal! I started crying out loudly and surrendered simultaneously. And that’s when Bhau explained. Of course, all this while, he had known that I had stolen it from the stationery shop. I knew a harsh punishment was inevitable. However, what he did, changed me forever. He took me to the shop and asked me to apologise to the shopkeeper as I returned the doll. It was so embarrassing; no other punishment would have been harsher. And definitely not more effective.

This was the first lesson in integrity for me. Not only did I learn that honesty is the best policy, but also to accept mistakes immediately. One lie only leads to another. And truth prevails in the end, anyway!

I did not realise then, but subconsciously I picked up this remediation trick. Whenever I found people around me making mistakes, genuine or otherwise, I tried to make them responsible for cleaning up the mess. This has always worked in any situation–at work or at home.

Give it a shot. Bhau will approve.