The male paradox of middle age.

Anyone working with senior executives will quickly notice that they are typically male and  middle aged, in their early to mid 50’s. This reality prompted me to think of the concept of middle age and what this means for men. So if you strip an executive of his position and have him stand in the ranks of ordinary men in midlife, how is he likely to see himself,  how are others likely to see him and what can he do to make middle age  a rewarding experience?

Time is the great leveller it relentlessly rolls on by teasing us with the inevitability of aging and mortality. For a man crossing the threshold into midlife (45 – 60), the passage of time means a journey into new territory, gone is the quarter life mad rush to get a job, make money and be an ‘overnight success’.  Ahead are new challenges, and opportunities. The irony is that for some aging men, midlife will be a satisfying period of continued growth and tranquillity and for others a period marked by crisis, the rest will be caught somewhere in the middle.

When a middle aged man looks into the mirror he will see visible signs of aging, he may be putting on weight, losing hair, and getting more wrinkles. Dig deeper and there are less obvious signs of physical decline, including a drop in physical fitness, slower reaction times, a higher risk of sexual dysfunction, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, prostate cancer and depression. While exercise and diet offer respite, work commitments and family responsibilities may undermine attempts to improve health and well being and accelerate decline. 

These changes will inevitably provoke reflection and evaluation around life, meaning and purpose. The temporal reality is that a man at 45 plus has lived half of his life, the time ahead is limited so he may pause from pursuing goals to review achievements and take stock of what he has or hasn’t achieved. If successes are eclipsed by failure, this can lead to a re-evaluation of life’s choices and a search to answer the questions: where did I go wrong and how might I change?

The people around a middle aged man will change, if he has children they will be growing up and there is the prospect of an empty nest or a revolving door and reacquainting himself with his partner, assuming he is still married. The stranger on the street (the average Joe) is likely to see him as wise, generous, and benevolent but also see him as less competent. Then there is the spectre of ageism, being discriminated against on the basis of age alone. However despite this he is likely to have a genuine interest in the well being of others and to be more caring and compassionate.

How to make midlife a rewarding experience?  

Midlife then can be a mixed blessing, so if you are middle aged or approaching middle age  consider what can you do to make it a rewarding experience. Let’s keep it simple and briefly describe three things you might do:

-activate your social support networks and cultivate the right sort of relationships (the ones that work for you, not against you);

-shift your focus to your achievements, these are rarely due to chance or good luck. Instead,   they are the result of you activating your personal qualities: strengths, skills and resources. Reflect on your achievements and what made these possible and determine how you might strategically use these qualities to continue to grow;

-combine regular physical activity with a sensible diet, make the time to exercise, yield less to the temptation to enjoy a quick fix of ‘bad food’. There is no shortage of information on healthy diets and exercise but to maximise their value you’ll need to make a commitment… and stick with it.

Christopher Neesham is a psychologist with global experience in leadership development and high performance. He has trained and coached executives and senior leadership teams in Australia and Europe, across industry groups, including market leaders and Fortune Global 500 companies. In the sports sector he has worked with elite athletes, high performance coaches, including National and Olympic Coaches.

You can visit https://neeshamconsulting.com.au/ or contact Christopher at [email protected]