Making relationships a priority

Relationships (every kind) make a real difference to our quality of life, and I was reminded of this on a recent business trip

I wanted to talk about?beliefs?and?identity, but before this, a few thoughts on relationships because if there is one thing I am learning a lot about at the moment, it is that relationships (every kind) make a real difference to our quality of life.?

I was travelling to St Johns, Newfoundland via Toronto to visit my amazing team, and my connection from Toronto to St John's was cancelled and I had an extra 30 hours in Toronto.?I was so thrilled (for me, not them!) when I realised that the others travelling ahead of me had also got stuck in Toronto and stayed in the same hotel.?

Had I been by myself I am pretty sure I would have mooched around the hotel for the next 30 hours, but because of my colleagues being there, we decided over breakfast to take the opportunity to hire an insanely large SUV and drive to Niagara Falls - making what could have been a rather annoying situation rather joyful (quote shamelessly stolen from one of my colleagues on this trip!).?It was also a lovely opportunity to get to know my colleagues so much better and I hope the feeling was mutual (!).

Relationship success

The only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to GIVE, and not a place that you go to TAKE??

4 phases that can destroy any relationship:

1. Resistance?- we take exception towards something our partner says or does?
2. Resentment?- we move from annoyance to anger and put up an emotional barrier.?Resentment destroys the emotion of intimacy and if unchecked can lead to….?
3. Rejection?- there is so much resentment built up that we start looking for ways to make our partner wrong - we see everything they do as irritating or annoying - leading to emotional separation which then leads to…..?
4. Repression?- being tired of coping with the frustration and anger, we try to reduce our pain by creating emotional numbness to avoid feeling any pain, but this also avoids passion and excitement - at this stage lovers become roommates?

Taking action to improve and strengthen your relationships:

Try the following actionable insights to improve or rekindle your relationships.??We need to make our relationships one of the highest priorities in our life - otherwise they will take a back seat to all or any of the other urgent things that happen during the day - and the emotional intensity will drift away (now I really am talking directly to me - this is most certainly a development area for me)?

• Instead of?“I can’t stand it when you do that…try “I’d prefer it if you did this”?instead?
• Focus each day on making it better and never threaten to end a relationship - keep focused on where we want it to go?i.e. stay intentional with your relationships
• Each day, re-associate what we love about this person we’re in a relationship with
• Reinforce our feelings of connection and renew our feelings of intimacy and attraction by asking questions such as;
• How did I get so lucky to have you in my life
• Don’t take each other for granted
• Find and create special moments??

Beliefs

So, onto beliefs….beliefs?- teach us how to feel and what to do, they impact how we react with people e.g. if we fundamentally believe someone loves us then even if they react in a non-loving way, our belief over rides and we give them some slack

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true - if our partner / friend doesn’t believe that we love them then no matter what we say or do will not change anything, until they change their belief in us.???

Beliefs around scarcity or abundance can also determine our generosity of time, resources, spirit?

Identity

And then moving onto the trump card -?identity?- what we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability or intellect - it is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are. Do you remember the Henry Ford quote from the first session?“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”-??that is what this is all about?

WE define ourselves by who we are and who we are not.?Identity is the beliefs that we use to define our own individuality, what makes us unique - good, bad or indifferent - from other individuals.??

Identity is NOT defined by our experiences but by our?interpretation?of our experiences - identity is nothing more than the decisions we’ve made about who we are.?Our capability is fairly constant, but how much of it we use depends upon the identity we have of ourself?

The kind of person other people perceive us to be controls their responses to us - sometimes, after making a positive change (active Recovery), we often allow others in our environment who have not changed their image of us, to anchor our own emotions and beliefs back into our old behaviour and identifies - (who are the people you spend most time with and are they empowering or disempowering?)?

We all need to remember that we have tremendous power to influence our identity?- but you will have to wait until next week for find out how!

Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck in the same unhelpful relationships or struggling with your identity? Have you been struggling to find a way to reset and break out of the same old habits?

Now is the time to take action and make a change! Purchase my course, The 28-Day Reset Challenge, for only ￡99 (or 3 x ￡33) and get the tools and resources you need to reset your life and reach your goals.?28-Day RESET Challenge

The 28-Day Reset Challenge offers the following benefits:

1. A step-by-step guide to help you reset your life, take control of your mind, get clarity on your purpose, and get rid of the stuff holding you back
2. Actionable insights to restore your relationships
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Thanks, to your freedom and success

Jules, Founder, The RESET Challenge