Making Progress, Affirming the Journey
From my brief read of the extensive research done on self-determination theory (SDT), humans have three primary intrinsic motivators: autonomy, belonging, and competence. We seem to continue to engage in activities that resonate with (often at least two of) these dynamics.
Over the past few months, I have taken the opportunity of the winter season to reflect on this, for myself and for my coaching clients. In my personal/professional life, I discovered a number of instances where something meaningful and interesting was happening.
The backdrop is that for any behavioral change to be sustained, shifts need to be made in all four of these domains: mindset, attitude/mood, behavior, and story.
My approach is to view my life and experiences as an ongoing learning lab. It offers a chance to learn, up my game, and formulate working hypotheses about how things work, then to test them for feasibility/workability in my life and that of my clients.
Here’s the seemingly trivial yet meaningful example. Historically, I have not excelled in successfully completing home improvement projects. I hear about others who fix things, design and build things, and keep their homes functioning. They seem to understand how things work. Me, not so much. That’s been my story and I’ve stuck with it.
My garbage disposal stopped working. Normally, I would call a repair person to make a home visit, diagnose the issue, and fix it. This time, I took a different path. I did research on the internet, had an online chat with a technician, read the recommended instructions on how to revert to working order, and made an online purchase of a tool to get the job done, then drove to the store to pick it up. The next morning, I opened the package and tried the tool per the instructions. It fit and worked! Problem solved, function restored.
Elation and pride, and an adjusted personal narrative. I do have some skills I can wield. I can make informed choices, enlist others’ help, and get the job done collaboratively. To do so, I must get past my own considerations, negative chatter, and limiting self-image. I will need to persist, learn, and get smarter (and wiser). By doing this, I extend my competence and expand my autonomy by shifting the ways I engage with and delegate to others. In fact, there are lessons that can inform my client coaching.
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In the same two-to-three-week period, I have three more experiences where I pushed the boundaries of whom I knew myself to be, challenging my old narrative through the experiments I ran and the successes I achieved.
My sense of self and where/how I play in the world is expanding. My curiosity about where I can do more of that continues to energize me (sounds like autonomy and competence motivations kicking in). I also wonder how I might use that in my coaching. It becomes an opportunity to experiment with new coaching inquiries and conversational nudges.
I am developing my own informal set of data points for the power of aligning growth mindset, curiosity, courage, and persistence, experiments with new behaviors, and a personal story of growth, ongoing learning, and greater efficacy in a changing world.
What resonates for you? What new perspectives are you taking that open up opportunities and possibilities? What’s your journey like? The view from your most recent scenic overlook?
Please share. Let’s explore and learn together.
#selfleadership #designyourlife #efficacy #competence #autonomy
Executive & Physician Coach | Career Coaching Guru | Developing Leaders | Expert in Accelerating Transitions | Fellow at the Institute of Coaching, Harvard Medical School
2 年Thanks for sharing such a insightful message. It certainly invites reflection for me.
*MD Inspire the best *Women's Centred Leadership Coach * Strengths-Based Executive & Group Coach * Develop Aligned, Resilient & Thriving Teams. Partner with Turningpoint Leadership for largescale/global projects
2 年Reflection is so important as you say John Lazar and I love the framework you provide for any behavioral change to be sustained, shifts need to be made in all four of these domains: mindset, attitude/mood, behavior, and story. Thanks!
Founder and CEO at The Wonder of ME. Challenging Childhood Obesity.
2 年John Lazar I am committed to trying your way, John. My normal modus operandi is to flow with what life throws at me and jump on opportunities without much planning or reflection before I act. Most likely a wasteful way to live, because sometimes those ended up being "no exit" choices ( even hardly worthy of the word choice). Still, with a curious mind and a soul that is open to adventure, I have always learned or took something useful from any of these events, people and steps. I don't think they have been a total waste, and now that I am at an age of telling stories and reflecting on lessons, I am able to make fascinating connections. So, my life is a lot less planned and cogitated about than what you describe. I choose to adopt William Wordsworth's definition of poetry, as an experience recollected and recorded in tranquillity, after the fact. As I write this comment I begin to feel chaotic, but I should stop apologising to myself. Chaos is definitely creative, though sometimes really exhausting.
Author, "Humble Crumbles: Savouring the crumbs of wisdom from the rise and fall of Humble Pie" at SC Executive Coaching
2 年The very frame/context you set John for self-development; "an ongoing learning lab" - is no doubt of great benefit to the process. If we start with self-recrimination or a sense of failure then the learning journey is much harder, less joyful and less likely to stick.
CEO of Go For Growth. Mediator, negotiator, team and leadership coach with extensive experience. Space to Think designer - a place for leaders to think about long term relevance. Avid singer, artist and problem solver.
2 年To 'view [your] life and experiences as an ongoing learning lab' is to be admired John Lazar. A few years ago I referenced much from the world of motivation as I researched how [and why] senior leaders sustain momentum for the long-term. ?Self-determination theory has much to teach us in this regard. Thank you for sharing John Lazar.