Making Peace with The?Unknown

“Out of the uncertainty, out of the knowledge of the incompleteness of all things, a new completeness is born.”? ~ Ursula K. Le?Guin

Taking a sip of tea, I sit at my desk and open my laptop.

I see an email from the recruiter and my heart sinks.

“After careful consideration, we’re delighted to offer you the role of Diversity and Inclusion Adviser.”

There’s a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel nauseous.

Am I really thinking about giving up my coaching business and my life in Bali to go back to London and work for a big corporation?

I didn’t really want this job.

I didn’t mean for it to get this far.

A few weeks ago, the Void hit hard.

A course I was teaching ended. A course I was taking ended. All my coaching clients wanted to pause for the summer.

I took myself on a solo retreat and read a book that prompted all sorts of existential questions.

Where do I belong? Is this what I want to do for a living? Will I ever get a client again?

I panicked. I scrambled for anything that felt like certainty and control.

So when this job appeared in my inbox, I immediately got into action mode, rather than sitting with the discomfort of not-knowing.

And now I have to deal with the discomfort of undoing something that was never aligned with my values and ambitions in the first place.

All because I’m scared of the Void.

I’m so well-practised at avoiding the cave that I found myself climbing another mountain I didn’t even want to get to the top of, all in the name of my quest to feel safe and enough.

As I sit drinking my tea, trying to figure out how to politely turn the job down, I remember that stepping into the Void is vulnerable and it’s okay that it feels scary.

There’s nothing I have to do, nowhere I have to get to.

All I have to do is be present to what my heart and body have to say.

It’s a lesson I have to keep remembering. And one I had forgotten once again when all the endings threw me headfirst into the Void.

So a couple of weeks after turning the job down, I’m sitting on the veranda in my lush jungle garden, watching the morning sun dance on the leaves.

The cup of tea in my hands is warm and grounding.

I’ve gifted myself time to enjoy the space created by all these endings.

And with no courses or clients to focus on, I’ve found myself writing a book .

As you do.

It turns out that The Void really can be a fertile place.

To lean into the mystery of uncertainty, we have to get more comfortable with the spaces in between.

We have to embrace the Void.

Our culture hates emptiness and not-knowing.

But the Void is the space in between, the great unknown, and a place of new potential and possibility.

It’s where things get composted, re-fertilised, reborn.

Imagine standing at the doorway to a dark cave on a sunny day.

Peering into the darkness, it looks cold and empty and who knows what monsters are lurking in the shadows.

But step into the cave and allow your eyes to adjust. There can be a whole host of jewels waiting for you here.

The power of?space

A common theme amongst the people I work with is a desire for space. For things to feel a bit simpler and a bit clearer. Spaces where there are no expectations, no to-do lists, no pressure.

The irony is that space isn’t always comfortable.

In the quiet spaces in between, we come face to face with our true selves in all their messy, dark, chaotic, wonderful beauty. We see our light and our shadow. That’s hard.

We spend so much time and energy trying to hide and block out the darkness. We buffer. We spend hours on our phones mindlessly scrolling; we immerse ourselves in the latest boxset; we numb our pain with food, drink, drugs and sex.

As difficult as the silence can be, there’s a peace to be found there. There’s a freedom. There’s the present moment and nothing else. In these moments, we can connect with all that is good and wise and powerful about ourselves. Our bodies and our souls speak to us in these instances and they tell us exactly what we need to know.

In the quietude of the void, the noise of the external world fades. Here, you can encounter your authentic selves, unfiltered and unburdened by societal expectations. It’s a space for introspection, where you can unearth your deepest desires, values, and hidden strengths.

When you’re constantly bombarded with stimuli and decisions, your intuition gets buried. The void allows you to quiet the mental chatter and reconnect with your inner compass. This heightened intuition can guide you towards more fulfilling choices and illuminate paths you may have previously overlooked.

Often, in the frantic pursuit of goals and achievements, you lose sight of the bigger picture. The void offers a chance to step back and ask yourself the fundamental questions: “What truly matters to me?” and “What impact do I want to make?”

I’ll be the first to admit that I am terrified of what monsters might be hiding in the stillness. I still resist feeling the anger, the shame, the loneliness, and the pain that lurks just below the surface. I’m scared that if I look into it, I’ll be sucked in and will never be able to escape.

And yet, even as I write these words, I can feel hope swelling in my heart. I feel the power surging through my solar plexus. Even in the darkness, something in me?—?something in you?—?knows something about light and gratitude and love.

I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I trust the path. Something is calling me and I’m going to keep following the aliveness.

It’s not easy, but it is worth?it

It’s so hard for us to stay in the not-knowing.

We’ve been taught to go, go, go. As soon as we’ve climbed one mountain, we’re immediately onto the next.

You won’t get stuck in the Void forever, I promise.

Going inwards, back and down in the Winter allows you to grow roots to sustain your creative expression in the Summer.

Trees can only grow as tall as their roots grow deep. And they grow in the dark.

The beautiful thing about the fertile Void is that it is a natural occurrence at the end of every cycle.

To help you get started to feel more comfortable in the discomfort of the Void, download my Getting Started with Cyclical Living Guide . If you want support integrating cyclical living more deeply into your life, including making peace with the Void, I offer a 6-month journey of Cyclical Alignment Coaching .

Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on June 19, 2024.