Making the Most of Getting Fired: Embracing Growth Through the Five Stages of Grief

I’ve been fired three times in my career. Not “laid off”, “made redundant”, or “part of a RIF”. Fired. The one that’s personal.?

The first time I got fired was merciful. It was in the aftermath of the Recession having navigated my team through those nightmare years in financial services. I was exhausted. I had lost my game.

The second time was deeply painful. It was two weeks before Christmas. I had just taken the company from <$1M ARR to $15M+ ARR in 18 months. I had given everything I had to build that company and felt I was at the top of my game.

The third time was just annoying. It was a week after my dad’s funeral. Brutal. But adding one more small thing to grieve at that point didn’t make much difference. I was annoyed because it capped off a year of sacrifice for what turned out to be empty promises. I never even got to play my game.

I’ve also been promoted a bunch of times, won sales awards, hired and mentored phenomenal talent, led teams that built hundreds of millions in enterprise value and helped countless customers, and the consulting company I co-founded has an NPS of 95.

Guess which column sticks with me.

Getting fired can be one of the most challenging experiences in a person's career. It comes with a flood of emotions that can leave you feeling lost, disheartened, and uncertain about the future.

It can also be really embarrassing. That second time I got fired, the one before Christmas, I didn’t tell anyone but my wife until the new year. At the time, I told myself it was because I didn’t want to spoil the holiday mood. The truth is I felt like a failure. A sucker. Not strong enough. I like winning but I hate losing even more.

Like any profound loss, losing a job can be navigated through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

1. Denial: Facing the Reality

When you first get fired, denial is a common reaction. It's hard to believe that something so significant has happened. You might find yourself thinking, "This can't be happening to me," or "They made a mistake." While it's natural to want to resist the reality of the situation, it's crucial to face it head-on. The blessing of this phase is it passes quickly. It’s hard to deny something when you keep having to tell people about it and repeatedly suffer the indignity of their pity.?

Getting past denying you had any authorship in the situation, though… that can take awhile longer.

2. Anger: Channeling Emotions Constructively(ish)

Once the reality sets in, anger often follows. You might feel angry at your employer, colleagues, or even yourself. While anger is a natural emotion, it's important not to let it consume you. Some people like journaling. Others hit the gym. When I was younger, I liked drinking in Hell's Kitchen and plotting my revenge.?

Do what you need to exorcize those demons as safely as possible and then turn that anger into motivation.?

3. Bargaining: Finding a Way Forward

In the bargaining stage, you might find yourself thinking about what you could have done differently or wishing for a second chance. It's a time of "what ifs" and "if onlys." While it's important to learn from the past, dwelling on it can hinder your progress, especially if you haven’t addressed your own role in the situation.

Great athletes don’t watch footage of their losses looking for ways to win a game that’s already been played. They watch the footage so they don’t get beaten that way in the next one.

4. Depression: Allowing Yourself to Feel

Depression is often the most challenging stage, marked by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings rather than suppress them. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. Take care of your mental and physical health. Eat well, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that bring you joy. When you realize the activities that usually bring you joy don’t right now, try totally new things. You might not enjoy those new activities either (e.g. the book club I once joined) but they do force you to focus on the future over the past.

5. Acceptance: Embracing New Opportunities

Acceptance is the final stage, where you come to terms with your job loss and start to see it as an opportunity rather than a setback. It's a time of new beginnings and personal growth. Use the experience rather than let it continue to use you.

Take this opportunity to assess your career goals. Is it time for a change? Maybe this is the push you needed to pursue a different career or further education. Invest in yourself by learning new skills or improving existing ones. This can make you more marketable and open up new opportunities. Reconnect with your professional network. Attend industry events, join online forums, and reach out to former colleagues. The job you got fired from might have been your first job but it won’t be your last. And while it's a deeply personal experience, it’s also common. Many people you know have been through it too. When you’re ready, they will be there for you.

Turning Pain into Growth

Getting fired is undeniably painful, but it can define your future in positive ways if you own it and use it. You can turn this miserable rite of passage into a powerful catalyst for growth and self-improvement. Embrace the lessons learned, seek out new opportunities, and remember that every setback is a setup for a comeback. In the end, it's not about the job you lost, but about the person you become in the process. Just remember that it’s going to take longer than you want it to and the lessons might not be the ones you want to learn but they sure are important ones.