On Making Mistakes... and Recovering From Them

A few days ago, we reached a major milestone, worthy of celebration. My company made it's 36th and final payment on a massive loan I should never have taken out.

The loan, in and of itself, was a necessity at the time. It's too simplistic to call it a mistake. I think it's more accurate to describe it as the consequence of a multitude of mistakes I made as a newbie business owner. I made so many mistakes I nearly drove my company into the ground. I took out the loan just to stay afloat, thinking it would be relief.

It was not. It was crushing. Making that payment every month was a difficult burden to carry. I carried that guilt around for three years. For a long time I hid my embarrassment and shame about taking out that loan. It took even longer to admit that I caused it.

When you're surrounded by other companies that appear to be successful, it can be difficult to admit when you've made a wrong turn.

How Did It Happen?

Let's go through the 5 Whys:

Why did you take out that loan?

Because I needed a cash infusion. I was running out of money.

Why were you running out of money?

Our expenses were higher than our income. We didn't have enough money coming in to support our staff/payroll.

Why wasn't there enough to cover expenses?

We didn't have enough projects to support our staff. Not only were we not bringing in enough new business, but business was also declining.

Why weren't you bringing in enough new business? Why was business declining?

I didn't know how to sell. I didn't think of myself as a salesperson. I resisted. And I was not treating my clients right.

Why?

My ego got in the way. I was too busy running around being the boss and thinking I was hot stuff. I didn't want to admit that I still needed to learn things.

And there you have it. The cold, hard truth. My ego got in the way.

Admitting Failure

I took the loan out of desperation. We were bleeding cash, and I didn't want to admit that I led the company astray, nor did I want to do the really hard work of making tough decisions. I saw the loan as a way to avoid those painful decisions. Instead it only delayed them.

I realized quickly that the loan repayments were a major burden. It was OK for a couple of months. Then the cash infusion was gone. All of a sudden we were in the same, dangerous situation AND we had a massive loan to pay.

Crap. Or maybe something a little stronger. (If you hang around me enough, you'll know my preferred expletive.)

That's when reality sunk in, and I woke up. I had to finally admit that I didn't know what I was doing, that I had made some very poor decisions, and that if my company was going to survive I needed to take action. RIGHT. NOW.

So I got to work. We evaluated our staff. A couple of people had to leave. It was really hard to make that decision. Next, we slashed expenses as much as possible. Then we had to do something about income. My partner/husband took one for the team and landed a full-time contract position with another tech company. Standard Beagle became a staffing agency for him and placed him on a contract. The steady income helped get us through as we figured out what to do next.

What Else Had to Change?

The immediate changes we made within the first six months stopped the bleeding, but we were a long way from fixing the underlying issues. I felt lost. I had a team of people who depended on me, and I wasn't sure what to do next.

I thought, "Well, I need sales. So I'll hire a marketing/business development person. That will solve our problems." Yeah... no. That didn't work out so well. I then tried a salesperson, and that didn't work out either. I didn't know how to manage a sales team and the sales didn't materialize.

But all was not lost. After those experiences, the flywheel started to move. One day at a time, the situation began to change.

Here's what I did:

I asked for help.

My son always asks me why -- when I can't find an item in a store -- I don't ask for help. It's a valid question. I think my most honest response is a fear of looking dumb.

With the company, I was afraid of looking dumb because I didn't know things. I didn't know the basics of a spreadsheet, how to forecast, how to sell effectively, how to manage people... the list went on and on. I tried to hide my ignorance from the world by reading a lot of books, but books only get you so far.

Admitting I needed help and then asking for it was a big deal for me. I'll admit, at first I was really bad at asking for help. I turned to consultants, thinking they knew more than me and would have all of the answers. Guess what -- they don't. I spent a lot of money on advice that I shake my head at now. I'm sure they had the best intentions, but they didn't know me or my company.

I stopped looking for a magic solution

You know what the hardest thing in the world is? Realizing that you are the only one who's going to get you out of the mess you created and then actually doing something about it.

I used to wish that those consultants would magically fix my problems. That wasn't fair. They provided advice and knowledge, but in the end it was up to me. Still... I wanted to run away. I even thought seriously about an offer to sell my company because it would mean no more worries about the bottom line.

When that deal fell through -- when I decided I did NOT want to sell Standard Beagle -- I had a little talk with myself about what that meant. It meant I CHOSE to keep going. It meant that I was going to OWN my actions and stop dreaming that someone would fix it for me.

Just that small act of taking responsibility made a huge difference. My networking changed, my outlook changed. I was in it all the way -- both feet. My team has told me they felt the change. Things were different. Things started to get better.

I stopped isolating myself from my competition

When I was younger and sillier, I thought I could be everything to everyone. We tried to be full-service marketing -- a one-stop shop.

Honestly, that was really dumb.

There are things we do REALLY well -- like user experience design and development. That's our sweet spot. I have an amazing team that really thinks about the users. I also have developers who are incredibly talented and whose talents were being wasted.

It took a while, but I realized that my competition was a gift. Other agencies had other specialties, and we all can benefit from knowing each other. About a year ago, I ran into Jackie, who owns a successful agency here in Austin. We met for coffee and clicked and have spent the past year getting to know each other through various conferences and organizations we're both part of. I've learned a lot from her; plus, I've found that I can refer business to her for work that I don't do.

And she's not the only one. I started actively seeking out other agency owners or employees just to learn and grow, and it has been a great experience. I've learned how other people tackle similar issues that I face. And I've met some super cool people who can help me on projects when I need them.

I practiced gratitude

The final and most important thing I did was start a gratitude practice. Every day I think about the things I am grateful for and it usually looks something like this:

1. My family
2. My home
3. My clients

Sometimes "sleep" and "coffee" end up on that list. I read that when you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears. I don't know if that's true, but I'm willing to have faith.

The thing I noticed is that by being grateful -- especially for clients -- I was able to cultivate a deeper empathy for them. That understanding has helped me a lot. Fewer things rattle me or cause me to flare up anymore. When I get an email from a client that seems negative, it's easier to view it through their eyes and be able to respond instead of react. It took years of practice, but I think it's made a huge difference in how I interact with clients and ultimately in how we manage their accounts.

What's Working Now?

We slowly turned our ship around. It wasn't easy, nor was it fast. We got this far, and I am sure we have a long way to go.

I'm grateful for my journey over the past three years. It was scary as hell. It was hard allowing myself to be vulnerable. It was hard working so hard to change my habits and learn to be a better leader. Here are the practices I'm currently doing to stay on top of my company and help it grow:

EOS

We implemented EOS (Entrepreneurial Operating System) with the help of my implementer. We started this process in August, and it is a major part of why we now have a finger on the pulse of the company and a vision for the future that is shared by all.

Sandler

My biggest weakness was sales. I didn't have a system or any idea how to manage a salesperson. I decided that if I was going to do it right, I needed to learn. Then eventually I could hand it off to someone else.

I looked into several sales trainers and coaches and finally took a chance on Sandler, which was recommended by several CEOs I knew. I signed up with the Sandler Training Center here in Austin and have been taking weekly reinforcement lessons since my sales boot camp in August.

I have adjusted my sales process and continue to practice and hone my skills. I finally feel like sales isn't something mysterious or scary. I've seen positive results. I'm finally ready to hire a salesperson to help me, and my Sandler team is helping me with that process.

Masterminds

Masterminds are a fabulous resources -- you just have to find the right one. I started my own with a group of business owners I knew from my old BNI group. We get together once a month to talk through issues, share experiences, and cheer each other on. But it's not my only mastermind.

I occasionally visit a women's mastermind and we share experiences surrounding issues like pay, contracts, filtering prospects, and more.

But I also joined a Vistage group. Well, two groups. I have a group in Austin, and I'm about to kick off with a group in San Antonio. I've found the Vistage groups to be good for holding me accountable to my goals and introducing me to really smart people who can provide advice and guidance.

In Closing

I've never felt so confident in where we are going. That's why we're celebrating the end of this loan with a giant cake and champagne. I'm incredibly grateful to my team for sticking with me as we figured it out.

Sometimes the greatest hardships are the best lessons learned.