Making Life-Changing Introductions

At the beginning of E.M, Forster's Howard's End sits a simple epigraph;

"Only connect".

It is excellent advice.

Beyond money, beyond advice, beyond encouragement, the single most powerful thing you can do today, to change someone's life is to give them a deeply thoughtful introduction.

And yet so many of us don't. Why?

Here are my top tips for making and receiving better introductions;

1) Ask people where they want to go in life, and what sorts of people they need to meet to get there. When they mention a particular person, ask them what it is about that person. This will trigger your mental rolodex which in turn will generate more ideas.

2) To receive better introductions, be clearer about where you want to go, and give real examples of the sorts of people you need to meet. Don't be afraid to share your North Star as well as your ground destination. Yes, tell people where you are trying to get to, but also tell them why. Give concentric circles within your network an idea of the problems you care about solving and the sort of adventures you'd most like to have.

3) Especially when introducing busy people, consider flagging an intro with one or both parties to ensure that it would be appreciated. Brilliant intros depend on great matching as well as great timing, so be patient and don't be offended if someone declines a chance to connect.

4) By crystal clear on to the extent to which you know and trust each person to avoid introducing a lifelong friend to someone who came across well over drinks or on a one-off Zoom. Don't let this put you off asymmetric introductions, where one is much better known, just be clear about the state of play.

5) Telling people ABOUT other people and organisations can be just as powerful as putting them in touch. Become an introducer of ideas by being generous with what you see on your radar.

6) Try not to keep score of who you have introduced and what ensued. Instead focus on enjoying the process of introducing others, and realising that connectors get connected.

7) Create platforms for introductions to happen, from convening one-off meetings to hosting a series of gatherings. Doing this has helped me to introduce literally dozens of lifelong friends and even life partners.

8) Before making an introduction, reflect on what the value exchange could be between the parties. That value could involve financial or emotional calculations. Don't shy away from unbalanced introductions (where one party seems to have more to gain) however be especially sensitive and realise that if goodwill is being called upon, that may well include your own.

9) The key to a year-round abundance of goodwill is thoughtful network cultivation. Aim to be someone who is consistently sharing (broadcast or narrowcast) useful and helpful things into the lives of your network and your network will be pleased to hear from you.

10) Don't be afraid to get out of the way, giving the people you introduce permission to proceed without you. Doing this will make your introductions more scalable.

11) Some introductions are reactive and you may hint at this in your note. Rather than saying "Sue has asked me to introduce her to Joanna", if you want to present two people as peers, consider softening this to "I know that Joanna would be grateful for Sue's steer on something".

12) Make time for proactive introductions (always considering a single or double opt-in). Think deeply about where your network are trying to go, and if unclear, ask them.

13) Be drawn to connecting two kindred spirits, even if there is no clear deal or opportunity for them to seize. You can take the pressure off these kind of intros with the encouragement "I think you should try to cross paths at some point." Trust your instincts on this. In a business world of data and evidence, feelings and hunches are powerful too.

14) Don't shy away from cross-sector introductions between different worlds. Outsiders reinvent industries.

15) Don't be afraid to follow up or check in on an introduction if you suspect it hasn't sparked. Even if it has, this could be a good chance to reflect on the impact your work has had.

16) If someone has changed your life with an introduction, make sure you tell them about the impact they had. You may make their day, and you will almost certainly inspire them to want to do the same again, for you or for someone else.

Next time you want to think really deeply and carefully about the future of your career or organisation, or the impact you're having in the world, take an hour to draw a map. A people map. Begin to write down the names of the people you care most about in the world. Ask yourself how sure you are about who those people need to meet to achieve their dreams and goals in life. Then start to ponder who you know who could help them along their way. As you consider those names, instead of being drawn to who already knows each other, think about who doesn't. Look for the gaps. One of those gaps could be a life-changing introduction and the best introductions change the lives of everyone involved.

One day, the most enlightened organisations will have a CCO, a Chief Connections Officer. Until then, it's down to each of us - only connect.

(Lesson 6 of Build a Better Network is all about how to change lives with introductions).