Making LemonAID When Things Go Sour

You may have found this article on your own, or you may have been sent it directly by me or someone who saw it and wondered:

What happened to our connection?

Let's Make LemonAID out of ??Whatever Happened??

Recently, I experienced an online conversation that ended abruptly with very little explanation or follow up. It made me reflect on the broader phenomenon often referred to as “cancel culture" which I have personal and professional experience with. I came up with an accronym for what I can do to move forward through these Lemon moments to turn them into Lemon-AID. Accept, Invite, Deliver (Gratitude).

Accept - Our connection might be over. While cancel culture can stem from legitimate grievances, it also can be from micro-conflicts that end without any closure or feedback. Or worse, the connection may have ended from rumors being spread that are just that - Rumors.

These are missed opportunities for understanding, healing, and growth.

Invite - That we try our ending on purpose. Online community allows us to be connected to each other 24/7 and have multiple routes of access to each other, but it can also make disagreements and misunderstandings a continuous side effect of not caring enough to close connections on purpose. When we've missed each other multiple times and/or our conversations have become challenging, I am learning how to move from the lemon-ache of wondering what went sour to making lemon-aid, where we take turns squeezing through the uncomfortable moment and hopefully finding some mutual acknowledgement (sugar!) to bring our lemon-moment to a sweet end. How do we move beyond the stalemate of so many unclear endings and exercise a mindset of growth and curiosity?

Deliver Gratitude - Are we going to try again, or is this the end? Octavio Paz once said, "A society that cannot celebrate death will never truly live." Even if this is the death of our connection, however brief, how do we celebrate what we had hoped for, and honor what went well?

Instead of avoiding or shutting down conversations, where things may have gone stale or soured, what if we transformed these micro-conflict moments into opportunities for deeper engagement and mutual respect? Are there seeds inside the moment we missed that could grow into other things in the future?

Below are my "5 cents" to offer you in making lemonAID out of these odd endings and maybe getting to tell a different story about our connection, however brief.

5 Questions for Making LemonAID

?? How can I Embrace Open Dialogue? Every disagreement is a chance to learn. By listening actively and empathetically, we can uncover underlying issues and work towards solutions that respect all parties involved. If whatever happened was more than a micro-conflict, we could even use this Non-Violent Communication Exercise on Miro to work through whatever happened.

?? How do I Practice Conflict Resiliency? Conflict resiliency involves navigating disagreements with a focus on healing and sustainable outcomes. It’s about understanding diverse perspectives and finding common ground, even in the face of discomfort. Knowing the other's point of view can bring out a pattern that maybe wouldn't have clicked without those details. Let's help each other grow. If relavent, we might reflect on how other people's frames have influenced our perception of each other.

?? How do I Encourage and Invite Feedback? Sometimes, the fear of judgment or retribution can prevent people from speaking their truth. If we do end up meeting to debrief, I promise to listen and reflect back what you share without trying to change your mind.

?? How do I Build an Inclusive Space? Inclusion isn’t just about inviting everyone to the table; it’s about making sure everyone feels safe and valued once they’re there. This involves recognizing power dynamics and actively working to balance them. I often start out meetings acknowledging the privileges I have (e.g., being white passing, graduate educated, able-bodied, etc) so that we can openly talk about how these may be impacting our connection.

?? How do I Reflect, Grow, and Follow-Up? Taking time to reflect on why a conversation may have gone awry is essential. Was there a misunderstanding? Could there have been a different approach? We can use these reflections to guide future interactions, even if they are not with each other. Let's consider what kind of follow-up, if any, would honor the efforts we've put into making lemonAID together.

If I Lemoned You and didn't Say It, I'm sorry.

While I'm usually the one to do the follow-up and see how or why things fell off, sometimes I also make the mistake of ghosting or disappearing without saying goodbye. If that happened with us, I'm sorry.

By approaching each other with empathy and a willingness to learn, I believe we can transform challenging moments into opportunities for growth. Let's change cancel culture one broken connection at a time and build a more understanding and inclusive world.

Just think, behind every lemon-moment is a new perspective that we would never have learned if we left this awkwardness as the end of our connection.

Thanks for considering the possibility that we still can find a way to connect again and/or close our connection with purposeful growth. ????

-Ruth