making it exist

"I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy." Richard Bach

Starting this newsletter has lit a fire inside of me that was unexpected.

I wanted to start a newsletter, because it seemed fun, a good way to highlight my podcast via a different medium, and an opportunity to try something new.

The more I poked around on SubStack, the more I liked the platform. (join me there, for more, if you like)

But since actually DOING IT, I’m giddy.

I feel like a part of my creativity has been unlocked and I get to sit down and let my thoughts flow out of me in a way that I can share with whomever comes across it.

Exhilarating!

Podcast Recap

When I started the podcast in 2022, it was a passion project. I had an idea, asked some friends of mine if they would be willing to share their stories, put out those episodes and learned to really enjoy the art of storytelling.

I didn’t release many episodes in 2023, due to a handful of reasons. The main one being I really wanted to do video, and I was struggling to figure out how.

What’s funny to me, is that I learn new things all the time, and I enjoy it. However, sometimes, there are new things that don’t come naturally to me and I get so frustrated that getting over the initial learning hump feels impossible, so I end up putting it off. I’m working on it.

Fast forward to 2024, and I was determined to bring the podcast back to life. I found Riverside.fm, which has been a game-changer as far as recording shows goes.

As the year went on and I grew the show, my skill set as a host, and an unbelievable pipeline of guests, I became more determined than ever to continue doing this and put out quality, relatable episodes to my listener base.

Approaching 2025, I also realized that in order to grow, people would need to get to know ME better, too. I looked at my pipeline and decided to up my episodes to six each month. Five episodes being guest shows and the final show of the month a solo episode, with just me, and a recap the month’s guests and a bit about what is going on in my life.

I’m really proud to say that my pipeline has continued to grow, my solo episode for January was one of my most downloaded episodes and I feel like this year is going to be full of incredible interviews!

Listen to the Podcast!

Personal Recap

I spent January in the cold, wet, beautiful United Kingdom & Ireland. London, Bath, Winchcombe, Galway, Dublin, Belfast, Bristol & Edinburgh to be specific.

Spent NYE in London, welcomed the new year with fresh, fun energy, which was exactly what I needed and wanted. Took the train to Bath, but despite the name, I quickly left the bathhouse I had hoped would be a great way to spend a rainy afternoon, because there was nothing relaxing about being shoulder to shoulder in a co-ed sauna amongst half naked strangers. I walked home from dinner one night in the snow, and was enchanted as it fell from the sky onto my face. I trained to the Cotswolds (think “The Holiday”), cozied up in an airbnb and awoke to snowy hills with scattered sheep grazing, walked miles around the hillside til my shoes and socks were soaked, and ate cheese and olives in lieu of going out to dinner. Then it was onto Liverpool, where I spent a week exploring, eating, laughing and having incredible conversations with new friends who were kind enough to host me in their amazing apartment. I visited the club where the Beatles were discovered and many other iconic bands have played. I walked along the water and a seagull stole my protein bar right out of my hand. I marveled over real fireplaces and waxy candles inside pubs made of very old wood.

Up next was Galway, Dublin and Belfast. I visited the Cliffs of Moher and was mesmerized by the size and beauty, and learned on our way back that we’d been incredibly lucky to have a clear day with sunshine. I drank Guinness at one of the oldest pubs while listening to traditional Irish music among locals who sang along. I attended Saturday night mass at Galway Cathedral, and laughed that the communion wafer tasted and looked exactly the same as it did the first time I had one over 30 years ago. I cut my time short in Dublin when the energy just wasn’t in alignment with mine, yet I did have one of the best martinis of my life made with a gin I will never forget the taste of. I got a new tattoo in Belfast by one of the most talented tattoo artists I’ve ever seen, but only realized how amazing her work was after I’d left. I explored the City Hall museum and learned about the Titanic and shared a table at a cafe with an older woman, chatting over coffees and scones. I peered out the window of my airbnb as 40MPH winds rattled the building and the entire city shut down, which led to canceled flights and many delays leaving the island.

An unexpected two nights spent in Bristol, after missing a flight to Inverness, so I wandered yet another city, was pleasantly surprised by its beauty and vibe, and had a lovely meal in a tiny wine bar, watching the staff effortlessly tend to every patron with ease.

Another canceled flight to Inverness called for a pivot to Edinburgh where I wrapped up the last week of this adventure. I had cold, briny oysters from the North Sea, and took a class where I learned about and then got to make my own chocolate bar. Despite the freezing temperatures, I walked all over the city, popping into coffee shops and pubs to warm up, was brought to tears in a centuries old cemetery, reading descriptions on headstones of people decades long gone. I got my hair done because I figured why not, and added a bit of brightness back into this dark look I have been rocking for the past few years. I spent almost 2 hours at Edinburgh Castle, in and out of each museum, learning so much history along the way. The Crown Jewels are still housed there, and the military memorabilia is outstanding. A TikTok video by a company called Main Character Club caught my eye and I booked a photoshoot for the day before I flew back to the US. I didn’t think it through that much to realize I was meeting the photographer at 9am on a day where the high was 32*F. My hands and feet were numb and I don’t know that I’ve experienced that kind of cold before, but I didn’t care because when will I get to do a photoshoot in Edinburgh ever again?! As I held onto a pole that was ice cold and wondered if I looked as frigid as I was, I laughed because I knew these moments would be etched into my mind forever.

It took 3 flights to get back to Sacramento, and I arrived with a suitcase full of souvenirs for my family, and a mind full of experiences I will never forget.

Each time I travel, I learn more about myself and come home a better, calmer, more grounded version of the woman I continue to become. As the journey of my life continues to unfold, it is dotted with experiences and stories of sights, people, food and drinks. Don’t listen when people say the food in the UK isn’t that great. It’s fantastic. The dairy is unmatched and it’s impossible to not drink beer in a pub. Ireland has the best fish and chips, England has the best Indian food and Scotland absolutely crushes the oysters.

Once again, if you made it this far, thank you. I saw a note the other day that said:

“Just make it EXIST first. You can make it GOOD later.”

Thank you for being here while I make this exist.

Until next week ??