Making change stick: How to get out of your head and into your body

After spending a decade firmly lodged in my mind - seeking answers to all of life’s questions in the endless stream of consciousness - a seminar with an old hero, Tony Robbins, made the penny drop: ‘If you get in your head you’re dead’. My own Monkey mind and inner emotional Drama Queen tend to overthink, dramatize and obsess if left to their own devices; hardly the characters one should surrender decision-making power to. Instead a recent focus on getting in the right state, using energy and physiology as the lead domino to make all other systems – thoughts, feelings and behaviors - perform better has significantly improved performance (and happiness).  Here is how.  

The Origin

It’s late April and I can smell the anticipation in the air as 10.000 hopefuls are herded into the Excel convention center in London. It is happening; in a moment my teenage idol - the life coach extraordinaire Tony Robbins (@TonyRobbins) - will appear on stage. My thoughts are interrupted by the music being cranked up as the crowd goes wild. OMG this can best be described as what would happen if a cult gathering and a rock concert had a baby. Instead of pausing I follow the herd and begin to jump ‘Wahoo let’s get this started!’

In this post I'd like to focus on one idea that stood out for me during the four-day ‘Unleash the Power Within’ seminar. Because somewhere in all the jumping, hugging strangers and mental visualizations I found the missing piece to my own personal development journey and who knows maybe some kindred soul will find this helpful too.

Meet the Inner Monkey & Drama Queen

How I sabotage myself – the Monkey edition.

Do you ever feel like your thoughts are conspiring against you? I do. On the worst days it feels like an unruly monkey relentlessly throwing demands at me. You should work on this, do that, think this! Exasperating.

Trying to tackle all the demands of my ADHD monkey is a race to the bottom, as nothing gets the focus it deserves and instead I end up in the ‘1, 2, 3, too many’ short-circuit. Overcome by all the demands I – on a bad day - reach out for the nearest tranquilizer be it reality-tv, chocolate or a glass of wine or if I’m feeling particularly desperate a combination of all three.

How I sabotage myself – the Drama Queen edition

If I manage to keep the monkey at bay, I still risk getting an unwelcomed visit from my emotional drama queen.  She normally goes ‘But I don’t feel like it…’ in the most pathetic voice imaginable. Disguised as self-compassion, she has a very low bar for what I can manage. ‘You have too much to do, this is too difficult’. It’s the inner victim that makes everything seem much harder than it really is.

If energy was low to start with, it goes through the floor after a visit from the Drama Queen. Having recited all the obstacles in the most dramatic, animated fashion it’s probably best just to drop the standard or wait till tomorrow, I mean maybe I’ll FEEL better then…

I suspect that we all have our own version of the Monkey and the Drama Queen, namely, the worst our Thoughts and Feelings have to offer; the self-inflicted moods that puncture us just as we needed to stay the course.

Although I don’t believe you can completely avoid counterproductive thoughts and feelings life has recently gotten a whole lot easier with a new relentless focus on getting in the right mental and emotional state before any decision. It’s about getting the physiology and focus right before consulting feelings and thoughts.

Taking Back Your Power

First of all, this has been about accepting that the feelings and thoughts that hijack our energy are not sophisticated barometers of truth; they are just momentary glitches or a passing funk. Instead of meeting these passing moods with a magnifying glass, giving them power by trying to rationalize them, I now subscribe to the power of jumping.  

I know, my pre-frontal cortex is still reeling from this discovery; adamant that we should sit down, preferable hunched over a Moleskine notebook, and think our way out of negative emotions.  

The truth is much simpler. Low energy makes for bad decision-making. Self-compassion is not about policing your behaviors, but about knowing when you need to refill your energy deposit.  

The Power of Sequence

However, we tend to forget that we’re in charge and that good energy is an always available renewable energy. Like that time when a song made you forget your sore feet or when you got that second wind during the big game. There is a whole palette of ways we can create high-energy, but before we dive into those let’s connect with the power of the order you do things in.

A typical approach looks like this: you wake up; still lying in bed you think 'why does it have to be Monday?'; you feel tired and depleted; then you sigh and drag your body out of bed. Thoughts > Feelings > Body.

Now let’s make a micro adjustment. You wake up and before your first thought you smile and jump out of bed and maybe add a powerful ‘Yes!’; then feeling surprisingly energized your thoughts are alert and ready to zoom in on what’s next. Body > Feelings > Thoughts.

Yes it’s that simple - body before brains (not a dating advice). No one is saying that thoughts and feelings are not allowed, trying to avoid them is like fighting the wind; entertaining to watch, but a fouls errand nonetheless. It helps to think of yourself as a machine - a sports car or a computer if you’d like – you wouldn’t start fault-finding on these devices until you’ve first tried turning them on (and possibly rebooting if you struck-out first time).

Energy Hacking: Your Inexhaustible Power Source

What follows is my top five for getting into a high-energy state. I’d feel remiss if I didn’t add the disclaimer that how to best manage your energy is an individual question. Instead of taking my word for any of it I suggest a flexible, playful trial and error approach.

1. Start right: Morning priming

The world is constantly priming us. We see, hear, and smell things that activate nonconscious associations, so when you hear the sound of a cap coming off the glass bottle it's not strange if you instantly crave a coke.

Hence, to start the day right we need to get in there first and prime ourselves. Tony has his routine, but it’s all about finding the string of actions that will get you fired up for the day ahead. Personally I’ve settled for this morning loop 1) Jump out of bed. Might not feel naturally, but it feels good 2) Breath-work using the Wim Hof (@Iceman_Hof) method entailing 30 fast, deep breaths followed by exhale and holding your breath, repeated three times 3) Think about, visualize and connect with at least three things you’re grateful for, even if it's just the smell of coffee  4) Finally visualize how you want to attack different parts of the day ahead – a meetings, a confrontation with a colleague, or just how you are going to be extra playful with your kids. Now you are ready to face the day in a state determined by you.

2. Energy intervention

Energy goes up, energy comes down. No one is saying that you walk around in a constant peak state. The important thing is knowing what tricks will get you up, and then using these strategically throughout the day when you need a boost.

Despite how uncomfortable it makes some, the best way to get into a high-energy mode is through the body. Yes that big blob you carry yourself around on.  

My favorites are…

• Anything that creates movement; walking in an energetic pace, power posing (I personally like the superman pose), running, jumping or simply shaking out your body.
• All of this is improved by smiling and laughing (yes all the studies show that smiling and laughing makes us happy, less stressed and nicer, so there is no way around this one, even if you have to start by faking it).
• My favorite intervention is combining movement with music. If I really need a turn-around I need music and ugly-dancing (the type of dancing you only do when no one, including you, is watching). This can be done anywhere, you just need a playlist and a headset, also you don’t need to feel like it (that’s the whole point); you just need to do it convincingly.
• Another option is improving your brain’s level of Oxytocin. A fancy way of saying go hug someone (a consenting someone, just to be clear). Oxytocin, or the cuddle chemical, is released though touching, which explains way a Dane can secretly enjoy a high-five at work even if it’s way too American of a gesture for our cultural sensitivities.
• Finally, deep breaths is a quick easy way to improve state, just a couple minutes focusing on your breath and making sure you breath into your stomach can really help you re-center. If you want to go the mindful route there a several great apps available, I like Calm others prefer Headspace.

The biggest benefit from turning to these interventions - as the new go-to option for increasing energy - has come from a subtle side-effect. As I’ve been able to drop two old crutches, namely, TV and an obsession with getting enough sleep. I’m still a big fan of TV and sleeping, but I’m no longer trying to fix low-energy with more sleep or relax-in-front-of-TV time.

3. Posture & Presence

Beyond using our body as an energy-interventions tool there are many other beneficial ways to get the best out of our physiology. Just by being more aware of your presence (your ability to be in the moment) and your posture (the ways you hold your body) can help.

I’ve made a rule that I don’t do creative work chained to a PC screen, instead I find a room and a bunch of post-its or a whiteboard. In this way I’ve committed to doing creative work standing, moving and drawing. In essence it’s about considering what your posture is telling your nervous system at any given time and using this as a prompt for straightening yourself up.  Even one inch improvement can have a significant positive effect (so chest forward, shoulders back, preferably without looking too much like a brooding rooster).

4. Become a friendly spectator

We have already discussed the benefits of practicing the ‘arm’s length approach’ to our less helpful thoughts and feelings. But it bears repeating.

There’s a reason why I have referred to a Monkey and a Drama Queen in this post, it’s my way of getting in the helicopter and getting some healthy distance to my adversaries – they are a part of me I accept, but they are not the ‘real me’.

As you embrace the role of spectator you can use this to shift your focus. The quickest way I found is by asking a new question, such as ‘what can I appreciate about this?’ or ‘what can I learn?’ or ‘how would I approach this if my main driver was growth/contribution/fun?’ Any and all of these interrupt the pattern and force you to look at it from a different perspective.

5. It all comes back to owning it

Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. In the same way your mood is not something that overcomes you, but something you can take responsibility for. The starting point is getting aware and owning this truth.  

The moment you blame something outside of your control for a lack of energy you are lost down the rabbit hole. Instead you have to train your malleable brain to always search for what you can do; what is within our span of control – often it’s more than we initially think.

Tying it All Together

Back in the Excel convention center it’s just gone past midnight on the third day. The music is still blasting out of the speakers ‘Oh, sometimes. I get a good feeling, yeah!’ People are euphoric either dancing, jumping or swaying on their plastic chairs. Judging from the electric energy you wouldn’t guess that we have been listening and working intently for over 16 hrs.

I can’t whip a silly grin of my face: ‘We are all just able to do, be and feel so much more than what we allow ourselves’. No more. Whether it’s best personified by a Monkey or a Drama Queen we all have beliefs that hold us back - rules, ideas, dogma that we allow to exert power over us.

The ‘importance of energy’ epiphany doesn’t entail anything new or groundbreaking. But it does outline a new approach to dealing with life’s swings and roundabouts. It’s not about power posing or morning priming, even if they are tools we can use, instead the approach is about getting out of your own way - getting out of your head; understanding that you can’t win there and that that’s not your fault. Instead we can focus on the settings, the framework we design for ourselves, the energy we cultivate and how we make this conducive to a fun, loving, beautiful state. Energy to live life on our terms.

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Haven't had enough? Please see this April post on Hacking Mentoring or the March blog on How to get beyond corporate BS.

In these monthly posts I share my own experiences and reflections. I only speak for myself. I hope my musings, mistakes and a-has will resonate, but settle for supporting my own learning loop.