Making The Best Of Things

Regular readers will know that we’re not fans of platitudes and slogans here at Sun Spiral. Often they’re not motivating, they’re depressing as they play into the social media myth of demonstrating a veneer of positivity - and don’t even get us started on the slogan t-shirts encouraging little girls to ‘just be kind’ whilst the boys go out on their ‘awesome adventures’!

So I was quite surprised when we took a visitor to a local café over the weekend and I found myself looking at all the little plaques and trinkets, all ready to roll my eyes, when I saw one that read: Happy people don’t have the best of everything – they make the best of everything. Theoretically it was everything I dislike all wrapped up in a shabby chic, faux driftwood package, but I had to admit that the sentiment was one I liked. On the one hand it remains superficial, plus it’s easy for someone to preach such a message when they already have everything they need, but if we unpick it in a meaningful way to identify the mindset of perceived possession (to be seen to have) as opposed to actual point of view (what we genuinely make of things), it can be used positively.

The possession of things is a strange phenomenon. In reality people are relatively simple and can function with basic needs being met, but there is a message continually perpetuated through the media that what we have isn’t enough – we need bigger, better, faster, more and our personal status should be visible. There are complex reasons why we latch onto this and some of it isn’t our fault. We’re descended from social, hierarchical creatures and our brains are geared towards placing ourselves within that hierarchy: no one wants to feel like they’re at the bottom, so we make a show of having things that demonstrate our greater value. Entrepreneur and mentor Gary Vaynerchuk calls this fronting and sees it as part of a human yearning for affirmation: ‘You want to show other people you’ve won.’

According to Investopedia, there is evidence that we do get a feeling of self-esteem from acquiring valuable things: ‘Low self-esteem can be a factor that influences whether or not a consumer purchases luxury goods, especially if they cannot easily afford the cost of luxury items. For some consumers, a luxury good can go a long way in increasing self-esteem or providing a sense of belonging.’

However, in this mindset we acclimatise relatively quickly and fabulous soon becomes mundane, so we chase bigger and better, encouraged by these social norms to pursue the bigger house, the more expensive car. It’s this yearning, as Gary Vaynerchuk points out, which makes us unhappy because satisfaction is often brief and we’re soon exhausting ourselves on the chase again, seeking to impress people who don’t add genuine value to our lives.

So how do we break that cycle and feel like we’re winning without the pursuit of needless affirmation?

Making the best of everything is synonymous with putting up with a situation, rather like the Keep Calm and Carry On stoicism that was parodied everywhere for a while (like those tea towels and mugs: Keep Calm And Eat A Cupcake!). Trying to see the good in things isn’t a fixed grin of making out everything is fine and hoping that your feelings will catch up, which is still fronting, but being adaptable to life's constant changes, actively seeking to move away from negativity and trying to come from a point of view that wants a good solution. It’s not always easy, but on the whole if I go into a situation determined to find good in it, I can usually deal with the elements that chip away at my resilience better than if I am in a negative frame of mind hoping to work upwards – because I will rarely find a way upwards.

For more information on developing a genuinely positive mindset, take a look at our article on developing resilience.