Making 1:1s Count

When I first learnt I’d be taking on People Management tasks with my role, I was quite worried about a couple of things.

1. 1:1s
2. Performance Management

Prior to this, I had done a couple of 1:1 sessions with my team from a previous company but that wasn’t for long because I left shortly after I stepped into the lead role. So up until then my knowledge and experience of 1:1s were from having them with my own manager, and even then because we have a good rapport, it was mainly us casually having conversations about my work and personal life but nothing too structured, so naturally, I panicked.

I reached out to my manager to talk about the things I was concerned about and ask his advice and I started to do some research about what to talk about during 1:1s. I quickly learned that there are no hard and fast rules for having effective 1:1s so even when I downloaded a book on this, it was just a list of suggested questions and topics to ask during these conversations. It’s been a few quarters in and 1:1 conversations aren’t as bad as I feared them to be so I wanted to write about my process and what was helpful for me.

My first 1:1 sessions as a manager

I went into my first session trying to understand what my team’s concerns were individually and also trying to take their temperature work and career-wise. So a lot of the questions sounded like this:

• How do you feel about the work you’re doing?
• How do you feel about your current career level?
• Do you think you know what your expectations are to move to another level?
• Do you have any concerns now that you have a different manager doing your 1:1s?

My team had always worked as a pretty cohesive unit but I had never come in from the manager's perspective even though I had been informally leading the team so these questions were helpful for me to get in their shoes and understand what I needed to do to help them be happy with their work.

The subsequent sessions

Going into my first session with prepared questions was very helpful for kickstarting 1:1s, however, I soon realised that there wouldn’t always be a strict theme for 1:1s so I needed to figure out how to make this time useful for my team and myself. What was helpful for me were the following:

Having a proper schedule around 1:1s: By marking time in my calendar and my team’s we’re well aware of when these 1:1 sessions come up and we could prepare for them. It also sends a message that the sessions aren’t optional and prioritised.

Preparing ahead: Even if it’s just a few minutes before I go into a 1:1, I try to ask myself a few questions to help me decide on a few questions I might want to ask on the call

• What has happened in the last 2 weeks since we last met?
• What is important to me now to help this person with their work?
• Is there anything I’ve noticed that’s conversation-worthy?
• What might be important for them to discuss?
• Do I have any feedback for them?

Even though these questions aren’t very complex, they just help me have a loose structure of what we might discuss. I find this helpful because people often come into their 1:1 sessions without an agenda, so I find that my role is to stimulate conversations and questions by asking the right questions.

Prioritise people over work: I try to make my 1:1s as flexible as possible so sometimes we end up talking about work. However, I try to ensure that that doesn’t take up all our time and also we’re discussing work from my team’s personal perspective. So this could centre around what challenges they’re facing and how they feel about the work they’re doing. We already have several chances to discuss the implementation of the work so I try to focus more on the people aspect of the work during 1:1s. Again, it’s never a hard and fast rule and sometimes we’ll get into the technical details of the work but ultimately, this shouldn’t happen during every 1:1 session.

Ask questions & listen: I admit, I’m not always great at just listening. However, I’ve been going through coaching sessions and I’m seeing the power of just helping people come to decisions and realisations by asking them the right questions and listening. It often will start out as rambling but you can slowly help guide them using your experience. As a manager, you won’t always have the right answers but people have often thought and overthought their situations that all it takes is a little guidance to help them come to a decision.

Take notes and follow-through: I personally find that I’m encouraged to talk to my manager about my challenges and questions because I get the feedback I need to move forward. It can be overwhelming managing a team and managing individual needs but I believe it’s crucial to the success of the team. Since it’s easy to forget, it’s helpful to first note things down as you promise to work on them with your teammate, then find time to follow through. This could be as simple as finding out more information for them or checking out something they need your input on. This encourages your team to see you as trustworthy and can be a foundation for them to also open up about some of their personal challenges which will help you understand their motivations better.

Encourage your team to have their own agenda: As I mentioned before, your team might come to their 1:1s expecting you to do most of the talking. While I come to 1:1s with questions and a loose structure in mind, I also make sure to ask for questions or topics they want to discuss. I sometimes make it mandatory for them to come into their next session with questions of their own as well. While most people see 1:1s as a time to just go through as a checklist item on their calendars, 1:1s can be very powerful for both the manager and the person reporting to them. I encourage people to come up with their agendas because

• This is a great time to help your manager understand how you want your personal goals to align with your career goals
• It’s also a great time to ask questions on things about the company, processes or team that you might not be clear about
• It’s a great opportunity to put your manager to work.
• And it’s a great time to solicit support from your manager.
• Some questions that are helpful for me going into me my 1:1s with my manager are:
• What is top of mind for me?
• What do I need support on?
• What has been challenging (personally and professionally) for me since we last met?
• What has happened within the company that I need clarity on?
• What questions did my team ask that I need clarity/support on?
• How am I feeling about my work and should my manager know about it?

Be honest: It’s easy to spot when you’re being “managed” by a manager. When people start getting what sounds like placeholder or textbook answers, it erodes the trust they have in the manager. I’ve always wanted honest feedback from my managers so I try not to give anything less than an honest answer when I’m asked questions. As a manager, having to deal with questions around performance management and feedback can be hard. You want to be honest but mindful of people’s feelings. I’m trying to navigate this by:

• Saying I don’t know when I truly don’t know. When I’m asked questions I need clarity on, I share what I know, let them know what I don’t and offer to get more information to either support or debunk what I’ve shared with them
• Have clear metrics to discuss performance management and feedback. This can be difficult if your company doesn’t have clear metrics but what I do is go back to the source of truth. If Team Mate X wants to know if they’ll be promoted, we go back to the definitions and expectations for each level and we discuss whether or not they’re meeting expectations. This also helps to share action points and feedback around improvements and what we can do to help them grow.
• Having tough conversations can also be difficult if you’re like me and you’re averse to conflict. However, having regular 1:1s are great for not having to give a lot of negative feedback at once. The way I see it, if you talk about things in real-time and are able to give guidance before it becomes really bad, it’s easier for your team to see your perspective. However, if you waited till the end of the quarter and then loaded their performance reviews with negative feedback, it could easily feel like they’re blindsided or attacked. Having this mindset could help fuel these conversations knowing that you’re focused on helping your team improve rather than just pointing out their flaws for the sake of it.

Just to tie it all together, I see 1:1s as very crucial tools for a team’s success. They play a critical role in

• Understanding and balancing team dynamics
• Understanding the personal goals and motivations of the people that make up the team and how they contribute to team dynamics
• Creating a continuous feedback loop so that things can be addressed quickly and not just during performance reviews
• Gaining insight that can easily be missed during work focused calls
• Building great working relationships between managers and their teammates

Ultimately, both parties contribute to having effective 1:1s. I believe even if it starts out with one person being intentional with these sessions, over time the other party will begin to see the impact and also be able to contribute actively towards the sessions.

I’d like to hear if you dread or enjoy your 1:1 sessions?