Make Your Conversations Boulevards, Not Dead Ends
Judy Cirullo, PT, ACC, CPC, C-IQ Certified
?Seasoned Executive and Team Culture Coach | Facilitator | Speaker | Author | Cultivating Accountability and Self-Directed Teams that Drive Your Business?
Healthy conversations can improve our mental health, but did you know they can also impact our brains physiologically? They do!?
You might have experienced the urge to shrink when dealing with a negative person, and your mind reacts in a similar way!?
Our brains are greatly impacted when we frequently engage in negative conversations - they actually begin to shrink and atrophy. ??
Yet, when we regularly have positive, interactive Level 3 Conversations, our brains maintain a healthy size, function, and anatomy.
The conversations we have with others are important because they facilitate communication and enable us to exchange ideas, thoughts, and emotions. They allow us to create connections, build relationships and gain new perspectives. Ultimately, they help us build TRUST.
Conversations are broken down into the following 3 categories:
Level 1 Conversations
Imagine you're in a meeting with your leader, and they say to you... "I don't understand why you're behind in tracking those numbers and finalizing your report."
Would you feel attacked and immediately become defensive? It’s likely you would.
??? Level 1 Conversations have their appropriate time and place, but if we aren’t careful, they can quickly be misconstrued as accusatory and punitive.
Conversations that may seem innocuous to us may actually be making the other person defensive.?
?? Don’t be preoccupied with being right
?? Don’t use judgemental or accusatory words
Our approach to communication can either create trust or mistrust within the other person, but by building an awareness of how our message can be interpreted, we can utilize Level 1 Conversations in a productive way.
Characteristics of Level 1 Conversations include:
?? Level 1 Conversations are TRANSACTIONAL and more one-sided ??
When used in a positive way, they can streamline discussions in meetings and huddles where information is shared with team members.
Level 2 Conversations
Have you ever found yourself trying to convince or influence another person of your position, idea, or perspective only to have them not fully buy in?
When this occurs, they may take a wait-and-see attitude which creates conditional trust.
??? Level 2 Conversations is a progression from Level 1 that migrates from being I-centric closer to We-centric but with tentative trust.
These types of communications involve advocating or selling your point of view and incorporating persuasive techniques to achieve the goal of convincing the listener that you are right.?
On the surface, they can seem like they are inviting other perspectives - but the true objective is to convert the listener to agree with the speaker.?
?? Level 2 Conversations are POSITIONAL and invite interactions but with an agenda ???
Similar to Level 1, Level 2 Conversations have a tendency to be birthed from an addiction to being right and needing to prove it.?
When we try to sell someone on us being correct, dopamine is released within our brains, making us feel happy - but what happens to the other person as they are proven wrong?
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You vs Them
?? Upbeat vs Worried ??
? Positive vs Negative ?
?? Energized vs Defensive ???
Level 2 Conversations have more two-way interactions, but they do not achieve a high level of TRUST with the other person.
A great example of this would be… “I understand your concern over the use of this system, but I know it will work for you as it’s been so valuable for other clients.”
Do you see how the listener's objection was interjected into the statement - but not in a way to discover more information from them? It was included to imply the speaker cared about the listener's concerns, but their real goal was to sell the listener on the system. That is a Level 2 Conversation.
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Characteristics of Level 2 Conversations include:
Level 3 Conversations
How do you feel when you hear the following phrases…
“I hear what you’re saying about your concerns. Can you tell me more about how that came about?”
“Let’s explore how this might be solved and what ideas you have to take action on this.”
Do you feel like the speaker is inviting collaboration? Did you sense they actually wanted to hear what the listener had to say? These are Level 3 Conversations.
??? Level 3 Conversations require sharing and discovery in a two-way interaction where the focus shifts fully from an I/Me standpoint to We/Us.
This is where connections begin to evolve and produce the greatest results in building a high level of TRUST within the relationship, both professionally and personally.
?? Level 3 Conversations are TRANSFORMATIONAL and lead to high levels of TRUST??
They involve openness, candidness, and curiosity. TRUST is built within them, and relationships are deepened.?
Would you like your relationships to evolve and become deeper? Try having Level 3 Conversations more frequently!
In order to achieve them more often, we must be intentional while listening and authentic with our interest in hearing what they have to say.
? Ask questions you don’t have the answers to
? Inquire about others’ points of view
? Listen to understand
Questions such as… “What do you feel needs to be changed?” or “How have things been going?” are great examples to get the ball rolling towards a Level 3 Conversation and show the other person you are truly interested in their feedback.
Here’s a specific question for YOU to answer…
Now that we’ve discussed the 3 Levels of Conversations, do you find you use one more frequently than the others, and if so, what has been the impact??
Comment below to tell us which one you use the most or feel is more natural for you.?