Make them 1:1s count

It’s not about setting clear agendas and expectations.

It’s also not about typing up and filing notes. 

Nor is it about action items.

1:1s are conversations. They're an exercise in building trusting, respectful, mutually beneficial relationships. 

Do you set an agenda when going out for lunch with your friend, husband or wife? Do you write up a summary and share it? Seems a bit robotic.

Good conversations happen when people are good listeners and they ask good questions.

This article shows you how to be a better listener. Hint - it’s not as easy as you think!

And below are my favourite 1:1 questions. Hint - both employee and manager can and should ask these. One-to-one doesn’t mean one-way conversation. That’s an interrogation.

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1. In a sentence, how would you describe your last few weeks?
2. What’s outside of your control that’s taking energy from you right now?
3. What can you control right now?
4. When were you last at your best?
5. In general, what are the conditions that enable you to do your best?
6. What have I done recently that helped you to do your best work?
7. What have I done recently that blocked you from doing your best work?
8. What tools or processes are helping you do your best work?
9. What tools or processes are preventing you from doing your best work?
10. What do you see as the biggest opportunities for us to work better as a team?
11. In a sentence, how would you describe our team culture to your parents?
12. What’s been giving you inspiration lately?
13. What are you worried about at the moment?
14. What is most challenging for you at the moment?
15. What's worked really well for you in the past?
16. If you were me, what advice would you give to yourself?
17. What are you most excited about at the moment?
18. What do you think is the best thing about working with you?
19. What keeps you in this line of career?
20. Which of your skills/ strengths have been under utilised recently?
21. What are you focused on learning right now?
22. Do you have a mentor inside the business? Outside the business? Do you want me to help you find one?
23. What’s been making you smile outside of work?
24. What’s most likely to get in the way of you achieving your goals?
25. What’s most likely to get in the way of you being who you want to be?
26. What haven’t I asked?

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Bonus tips

• Of course, it’s not possible to ask all these questions in one sitting. Pick your top 3 then use active listening to go with the flow and dive deeper
• Try running your 1:1s as a “walk n talk” voice call rather than Zoom. The extra visual stimulation and blood flow will take the conversation to more interesting places

My ask of you if you are a People Leader

Share this article with the people whose career you care about.

Teach your team about the science and art of conversation, rather than the right way to use Workday or SAP.

Focus your energy on making sure people build better relationships, rather than making sure they comply with arbitrary HR processes.

Julian Cook is the Co-founder and CEO of Howamigoing, a technology company that helps People Leaders enhance their feedback culture. Howamigoing was voted #21 in the 2020 UK Startups 100 list.