Make Sure You Make Time for Self-Reflection (Even if You Hate Doing It)

I have noticed how difficult it is for me to reflect.?To sit back and consider what happened, how it went, how things could have gone better at work, with my team, as a manager.?And self-reflection??Wow, this has been a long time coming in my therapy.?It seemed way too painful to look at myself.?It had to be bleak, right??It had to be dark.

One time my therapist said the following: “the happiest, most serene people I know have examined themselves fully.?Every nook and cranny.”

As I evolved in my work and life, and certainly in therapy, I saw the benefit of considering my tendencies.

I noticed I had a hard time slowing down at work.?I still sped through everything like a whirling dervish.?

But it was later, upon reflection, that I was able to slow down, carefully consider my actions, and the effect my actions had on my team.

The author of this article states:

“At its simplest, reflection is about careful thought.?But the kind of reflection that is valuable to leaders is more nuanced than that.?The most useful reflection involves the conscious consideration and analysis of beliefs and actions for the purpose of learning.”

Yet I often couldn’t sustain this inquiry.?Well, why not?

The author suggests that sometimes people just don’t understand the process of reflection, much less self-reflection.?They also may not like the process.

For me, this was a big one.?It required me to slow down, adopt a mindset of not knowing (not just beginner’s mind), and be willing to begin again if that was required.?I had to be curious. This just rubbed me the wrong way. The author cites discomfort, vulnerability, defensiveness, and irritation as partners in this process.

Then, there were other reasons I dragged my feet,

Maybe I won’t like the results I am going to get.?They may disagree with what I have already decided. (Pretty open, huh?)

And most importantly, sometimes, we (I) may have a bias towards action.?The author uses goalies in soccer games who stay in the center of the goal and who fare much better than goalies who continually move from left to right.?Goalies just feel better being in motion, even though research has shown time and again that staying in the center without too much movement is 33% more effective at stopping a goal.

I say over and over and over I need to slow down.?With this slowing down comes self-reflection.

When I am uncomfortable, I can ask the following questions:

• What am I avoiding?
• ?Am I helping my team achieve their goals?
• How am I hindering my team??How am I shooting myself in the foot?
• How could I have been more effective in a recent meeting??One that I felt was only “meh?”

So, I end up saying what I have said numerous times.?Write in a journal.?Look at things and carefully construct how things could have gone a different way.?Where was I on top of it??Where was I resistant to feedback?

Set aside time for what my therapist calls “strawberry patching time.”?This is time just spent looking out of a window and letting the mind go.?

I knew to start small when this was a new practice.?But, like my meditation, I knew to never quit.?So I didn’t.

And the payoff has been enormous.

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