MAKE IT STOP... (The Journey to Self-Recovery)

• Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

It’s been months now, yet every day it hits different like a fresh wound, the thumping in my chest won’t stop and it does feels like there’s always a drum beating in my head. Been crying non-stop every other night and today wasn’t any different. I felt like screaming but I couldn’t for fear of waking up my mom or neighbors so all I could say under stifled breaths was…‘MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP… I just wanted the pain to stop, I wanted this feeling of emptiness to disappear. And tonight I could feel the pain pierce through me harder than ever before, oh! I cried, I cried more than I have ever done these past few months. But I also knew tonight tears was a cry for help. They were tears routed to God for help because for the first time in a long time I was genuinely afraid of what might become of me should I continue in this state. . Like the saying ‘you don’t know pain until you’ve begged God to heal your heart.

A year ago I was struggling with anxiety and depression, it started by me feeling down or overwhelmed then it gradually grew into that of emptiness, and then I went through the stage of losing part of my self-confidence to doubting myself. I usually say I was strong and nothing can throw me off balance but I guess I was wrong. These past few years has been quite overwhelming and it finally took its toll on me. My anxiety level was over the roof and depression quietly crept up on me. Well didn’t they say even the strongest are sometimes quickest to fall. This was me at my weakest.

I wasn’t really talking too much about it to anyone as I was afraid they might not understand my pain or think I’m just been extra or an attention seeker. So I kept it all bottled up inside pretending to be fine on the outside. I was gradually losing the strength to carry on, I knew for sure I was willing to fight and get to a better place but I didn’t know how. So when I eventually found courage to ask for help I turned to God. And God sent me help and support through my family and friends. It was a tough fight but I won the battle.

• “Many survivors insist they’re not courageous: ‘If I were courageous I would have stopped the abuse.’ ‘If I were courageous, I wouldn’t be scared’… Most of us have it mixed up. You don’t start with courage and then face fear. You become courageous because you face your fear.” ― Laura Davis

A lot of us get worried, anxious or feel down from time to time. But only a few people develop a mental illness. So what’s the difference…?

‘Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.’

Overtime quite a number of mental illness have been identified. They include depression, stress, anxiety, bi-polar disorder and post-traumatic stress among many others. This illness can be found in individuals of every race and some of the signs and symptoms of mental illness is dependent on the illness.

Some common signs includes

·       Feeling down at times

·       Withdrawal from family, friends or general activities

·       Intense feeling of sadness.

·       Severe mood swings

·       Trouble sleeping

·       Often feeling of anger, hostility or violent

·       Hearing of voices, paranoid or having hallucinations

·       Often thinking about death or suicide.

Individuals with mental illness can often been noticed distant from afar, most times people around might not be able to tell if someone has a mental illness until something drastic happen. Sometimes even a bad break-up, loss of a loved one, loss of job or a toxic relationship can lead to mental illness. The only advice I would give to anyone that’s silently struggling is ‘You don’t have to keep struggling in silence. Please speak up, I know often times lots of people are afraid of opening up to people for fear of being judged, criticize or seen as weird. But it’s really important you share or open up to someone about your struggle so as to enable you get the help you need. Know that this someone sometimes necessarily not need to be friends or family if you are not comfortable, you can talk to a therapist or counselor while following a treatment plan that may or may not include medication.

• “You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.” — Lori Deschene

Is someone asking…? Can I fight this…? Yes sweetheart, you can fight this, you can fight to get to a better place, a place where it’s free of those emotions and pain, a place where you no longer feel empty nor feel alone. But first you need to reach out for help, then you need to come to terms with learning how to love yourself, accept yourself for who you are, it won’t be easy but it will eventually be worth it. Give yourself time to gradually come out of that shell and step into the light. Because truthfully there’s always more light than darkness. I have read or seen people go from their darkest moments to living a happy fulfilling life. And that could be ‘YOU TOO.

• “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.” — Joubert Botha

Also with depression one of the most important things is to realize that you’re not alone. You need to believe that people are out there waiting to love you and appreciate you for who you are. I have also come to realize that once you start talking about it, it becomes easier to deal with and easier to overcome. Most importantly turn to God for greater help and support, then gradually watch yourself overcome that fear, lose that pain and re-discover a better you.

So I would say for those who have anyone struggling with any sort of mental illness please be reminded that most times the help people dealing with mental illness need is help, support, reassurance and most important love. In a world where everyone seems to be engrossed with their personal life let’s be reminded to reach out to people as much as we can, truth is sometimes a phone call or a text message can help save a life, ask questions if you have any suspicions that this human seems to be going through stuffs but aren’t talking. Remember not to be too pushy about it, instead constantly remind them of how much they are loved and your willingness to extend any help should they need one or reach out to you.

 Also as humans let’s all be reminded to spread more love and act of kindness always.

 Love Temitope.

#pennedbytemi #thedialoguecircle #mentalawareness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #stress #selfrecovery #selflove