Make A Positive Difference
If you would like to listen to the podcast episode on this topic, click the appropriate link at the bottom of this article.
I'd like to start this article by asking you a question: 'why do you do the work that you do?'
It doesn't matter whether you're a social worker, a teacher, nurse, an IDVA, divorce coach, a solicitor, or whatever you do; right at the top of your list of reasons, or somewhere underneath those reasons, is a desire to make a difference in the life of your clients.
We all want to make a difference - some form of positive impact in the lives of those we work with, support or advocate for.
Whether you do this work for self serving or altruistic reasons - and I guess for most of us, it's somewhere in between - the outcome following making a positive difference in someone else's life, produces a positive difference in your life.
Your sense of self-esteem and self worth are increased as a result, you feel significant, and this is something we all want and need, to feel in some way or another.
The problem arises when working with children and families, when your professional view, of what's in a child's best interests, is not agreed with by the child and family.
How do you make the positive difference you want to make, whilst working with parents and children, who are completely opposed to what you are trying to achieve?
It helps a lot to gain a clear understanding of their perception of the situation, and to try to establish some common ground that you can agree on, to work together to improve.
If you can arrive at a consensus you can work on, that's great, but often the mere existence of a social worker, in the lives of the families you work with, seems to set up immediate distrust and conflict.
For many families just having a social worker represents a stigma, that they neither want or need; and this could mean that before you have even met the family, that they may view you in a negative light.
There are a number of reasons why this may be so, but what can be done to facilitate the best possible working relationship, to secure the best possible interests of the child concerned?
The first thing to say and realise, is that relationships take time to develop, so take your time when attempting to build relationships. Always try to be clear and transparent in your communication with parents and children from the outset.
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Often this may mean saying the same thing repeatedly, sometimes in different ways, and demonstrating by your behaviour, that your actions are consistent with your words.
Use plain, clear language, free from jargon, so as to avoid misunderstandings, and where possible use examples to explain and aid clarity.
Explain your idea of how you would like to work with them, and seek agreement about how you can work together; explain your role, what it entails, and every eventuality that can happen, including care proceedings.
No one likes unpleasant surprises, and people want to feel they have been been listened to, consulted, kept fully informed and honestly communicated with.
Families dislike things, that they are unhappy about, being imposed upon them. They need to be treated with the appropriate respect, such that they are provided with clear reasons or explanations, for why they are being requested to engage in meetings, attend activities, or be subjected to visits, that they do not see as necessary.
It's important to refrain from making promises that you cannot keep. Trust is a hugely significant factor when working with others, and if you want people to develop faith and trust in you, you have to be intentional, and behave in ways that foster, as opposed to diminish trust.
Working in ways that develop trust involves acting with integrity, being authentic, and behaving consistently with those values.
Being aware of, or able to view things the way the family would view things, and being able to empathise with their wishes and feelings, goes a long way to creating a sense of mutual understanding - kind of like building a bridge, between themselves and you.
It's necessary to demonstrate your willingness to accept where you may be wrong, or where you may have been responsible for any miscommunication. If you are unable to accept responsibility for any errors you might have made, how reasonable is it to expect, that families should be able to do, what you cannot.
Being flexible, behaving in non blaming, non judgemental ways; acknowledging the power differentials between yourself and the families you work with, as well as commenting on the strengths of the family, not just their weaknesses, including genuinely valuing their wishes and feelings, will help to establish and cement a trusting positive relationship over a period of time.
Ultimately, if you want to make a difference in the lives of the people you work with, you have to be willing and able to show you care in ways, that are meaningful to them, and demonstrate a positive attitude consistently.
To quote John C. Maxwell: "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care."