Make Me Feel Important

You may have noticed an absence of new material recently @ buildabetterboss.com. It’s not that I’ve stopped sharing my thoughts about leadership in the workplace. Rather, back in the fall, I accepted an interim position as Chief Human Resources Officer (CHRO) at a leading North American industrial services organization. Now that I’ve recruited and onboarded my successor, I’m returning to share my workplace leadership and behavior observations. Interestingly, one of my motivations for returning to full-time employment, albeit on an interim basis, was to see how things had changed in the workplace since I left a couple of years ago.?A lot, actually.

But rather than write about remote work, employee ghosting, quiet quitting, or any other phenomena of the covid days, I’m thinking out loud about a specific type of behavioral craving that is unlikely to change. What is that, you say? It is the?human need for validation. Validation, in its simplest form, is?the need to be heard and understood.?Whether in the office working alongside one another or working remotely via Teams or Zoom, humans are social animals and need the validation of others. In fact, humanity is a validation-seeking species. You could go as far as to say it’s a central theme of our existence. Heavy stuff, I know, but it is on full display every day in the workplace.

Cosmetics queen Mary Kay Ash said it best, “Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around their neck that says,?make me feel important.?Not only will you succeed in sales, but you will also?succeed in life.”?She reminded us to never forget this when working with people. Not only did Ms. Ash understand cosmetics and selling, she understood human nature.

Suppose you don’t agree with this or assume that most mature adults are responsible for their?self-esteem or sense of well-being. If this is true, why do employers sponsor reward programs, bonus plans, and award certificates of recognition, along with many other forms of employee recognition and validation? Why are people in the entertainment industry nominated and recognized during what seems to be dozens of annual award shows? Even some of the toughest folks in our society, professional athletes and military personnel, yearn for the ring or medal that acknowledges their accomplishments.

The interesting thing about my observations over the years is that people need validation at all levels of an organization. You would perhaps think that the need for validation lessens as one rises through the ranks. It would seem logical to assume that a steady stream of promotions and increased responsibility would lead to greater self-confidence and a diminished need to be validated by others. In my experience, however, senior, more seasoned individuals need as much or more validation as those well down the organizational ranks.

The United States would not have a flourishing executive coaching industry if this were not the case. Corporate America spent?$2.5 billion on coaching?for employees as of early 2020, according to a study from consulting firm PwC. Much of this went for managerial or executive coaching. Perhaps, the old saw, “it’s lonely at the top,”?is true.

Almost all of us are wired to crave recognition and validation, regardless of our station in life, some more so than others. Because we spend an extraordinary amount of our time at work, it is especially true in the workplace. In fact, validation is critical to any healthy employer-employee relationship. Our employees regularly need validation to establish their value within the company, to motivate a more positive attitude, and manage feelings of isolation. A validated employee is more productive, cooperative, trustworthy, and loyal.?

Who is best equipped to validate others at work? Does it require special training, position, or status, or is it just a willingness to be a good boss or teammate? From my perspective, it falls primarily on three groups of people, teammates, bosses, and work friends. Yes, you heard that right, work friends. Work friendships are incredibly vital to people. According to Dan Schawbel at Future Workplace, work friendships are so meaningful that 70 percent of people say?friendship at work is the most essential element to a happy work life. Further, 58 percent say they would turn down a higher-paying job if it meant not getting along with co-workers.

What if we are not being validated at work? What if we don’t have a best friend, a great group of teammates, or an encouraging leader??The end result can be isolation, conflict, and even poor performance, often accompanied by increased rates of absenteeism and turnover. While it is easy to assume that this problem is only a “rank and file” issue, leaders at all organizational levels can also be impacted.

Leaders in fact, are particularly vulnerable, and?because they are the “boss,” they can suffer “organizational loneliness.” But wait, you say, how could this be? By the very nature of their jobs, leaders are in meetings and around people all day. It has nothing to do with how many people they interact with. The primary cause is most people they interact with are under their supervision and authority.

According to a finding in the Harvard Business Review, for example, half of all CEOs feel loneliness on the job, and most feel it hinders their work performance. And again, it has nothing to do with the amount of interaction they may have. It results from the leader’s position and the need to create a buffer between themselves and their associates.

How can we build an environment where all employees feel validated and appreciated, from entry-level employees to CEO? It can be as simple as creating a climate where all employees are heard and their views and opinions respected, regardless of whether or not they have the best ideas. The key is that they are all respected, and their input is valued. Great leaders solicit ideas and input from?all team members.?They treat each individual with dignity and respect.

I learned this valuable leadership lesson in the labor relations arena early in my human resources career at the bargaining table. Reasonable people can always agree to disagree. In fact, that is a central tenet of positive human relations. However, what makes that more palatable is when there is a mutual level of trust and respect between individuals or groups.

So, there you have it. A true servant leader validates others, builds a climate where all opinions are welcomed, and ensures that all accomplishments and wins are recognized and celebrated.

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