Make me an Angel...

Living through this corona virus is tough. I wake up most mornings with varying levels of fears and anxieties. Like all things, they pass. It seems like I go through a wide range of emotions each day.

This virus crisis resonates with some of my deepest fears. The fear of losing everything. Getting sick. Dying. I’m not really afraid of dying as much as I am of the unknown and the when – like this virus.

When I go on 10 day meditation retreats, my senses are heightened. Every sound. Every smell. Every taste. Every feeling. Every sight. Every thought. So deep. So powerful. Like waking to a new world. Especially feelings. I feel that that now during this isolation.

It’s a good time also. I am forced to notice myself more especially when I am not blaming others or getting angry. Taking 100% responsibility for how I feel. Regardless of the circumstances. Mostly.

At our company’s weekly team meeting, I suggested that we all create a gratitude list rather than focus on what’s lacking or the negative. Here’s what I told the team:

I’m grateful for:

·      Them – all of them. we’ve been together a while. One I’ve known for 50 years – many 20+; most others 10+.

·      Diane – my wife and partner. She’s scrambling to leverage all government resources to keep us afloat. She’s also taking care of me like she always does. Even when she’s mad at me. Like today.

·      My job. Having things to do.

·      Warm & sunny Florida where I can take walks. I don’t like the cold at all.

·      Having plenty of food.

·      My Vipassana meditation practice. I’m attending one-hour virtual group sits in the morning and evening. Religiously.

·      No travel & plenty of rest.

John Prine died yesterday at 73 from this illness. I remember listening to him when I was younger. The NY Times Daily had “In Spite of Ourselves” as their song of the day. I never heard it before. I started listening to him today and came across one of his songs that really struck me – “Angel from Montgomery”. Especially this lyric:

Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery

Make me a poster of an old rodeo

Just give me one thing that I can hold on to

To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

To believe in this living is just a hard way to go.

Hope you are all well and healthy. Hope to see you on the other side.