Make Laugh Not War

Ancient Roman poet and satirist Horace sagely wrote, “Without love and laughter there is no joy; live amid love and laughter”. Extending beyond mere amusement, laughter lies at the very heart of relationships offering both reproductive and survival advantages. No surprise that a good sense of humour consistently tops the list of desirable traits in a potential partner.

Making Them Laugh, Will Make Them Stay

When attracting a mate, being funny, especially for men, could almost be viewed as a superpower! Positive humour, like sharing in-jokes with a partner, enhances desirability and contributes to relationship satisfaction. In contrast, negative humour such as teasing or making fun of a partner holds no sex appeal.

Laughter and Communication

Humour opens a channel of communication. Couples who can laugh together about the good and not so good, share a deeper mutual connection. It signals a shared worldview, that you’re on the same team. Laughter floods our mind and body with feel-good hormones, such as oxytocin – aka The Molecule of Love or Cuddle Hormone and endorphins, Nature’s Morphine. Let’s face it, who doesn’t want more of these? And this flows on to feeling better within, enhancing communication and listening.

Swipe Right for a Sense of Humour

In the pre-online dating scene way back in 1996, the late Robert Provine, a professor of neurobiology and psychology at the University of Maryland analysed the role of humour and laughter people seeking a mate. Females were 62 per cent more likely to mention laughter in their ads and were more likely to seek out a sense of humour, while men were more likely to offer it. Both men and women laugh a lot, however females laugh more.

Battle of the Laughs

And in the battle of the sexes, who wins for most laughs?? Provine’s research found that in cross-gender conversations females guffawed 126 per cent more than their male counterparts. Other research found women who laughed more during initial encounters created a unique dating ritual, where men were drawn to women who laughed heartily in their presence.

?Laugh On and On

Laughter's contagious nature extends to relationships, with men 1.73 times more likely to more likely to make their partner laugh. While to date there is no equivalent data on same-sex couples, an inference can be made that one partner will be the chief laughter instigator.

Sharing the Mirth

Social Psychologists Sara Algoe and Laura Kurtz found that shared laughter is the key to higher-quality relationships, fostering satisfaction and support. It’s about perceived similarity, where sharing laughs is the unifying bond. And when it comes to conflicts, reminiscing about laughter-laden memories is a potent relationship enhancer.

The Punctuation Effect of Laughter

And good news if you’re not a stand-up comic, when it comes to better relationships it’s less about being funny, and more important sharing the laughter. Even back-to-basic conversations offer an opportunity for laughter. Provine’s team discovered that a mere 10 to 20 per cent of laughter episodes were caused by jokes. Common statements such as, ‘I took out the trash last time, ha ha ha’ – hardly comedy gold – were far more likely to produce laughter. This phenomenon, known as the ‘punctuation effect’, lessens awkward silent pauses and builds moments of connection and joy.

Cultivating the Laughter Effect in Relationships

Applying the laughter effect to your relationships will help them not only survive but thrive. So, create opportunities to laugh together – cuddle up on the couch with your favorite sit-com, invent in-jokes, indulge in laughter memories, and lose yourself in play, because we all know where that leads. To infectious laughter of course! Doing so will offer your future lives the best chance of laughing together into the sunset.

"For more information on how to add more laughter to your life check out my book "The Laughter Effect" and my website?https://ros-benmoshe.com/"?