Make it happen once

I have had thousands of people track their time for me over the years. I just finished my annual January time tracking challenge where lots of folks tracked one week — 168 hours. I made sure to give people a heads-up that there are no typical weeks. You don’t need to stop tracking if something comes up. Winter weather snarls things. Kids get sick. It happens! Even if it does, time tracking can show a lot.

Still, I am fascinated to see some of the editorial comments people insert into their logs. Some of my favorites are about leisure activities that don’t fit our narratives. For instance, one woman went to the spa during a week she tracked several years ago and she made sure to write to me: this never happens! Though clearly… it did.

It’s kind of funny, but I think there’s a more important point here. Even if something doesn’t fit regularly in your life, you can probably make it happen from time to time. Acknowledging this possibility can change the way you see your life.

Shifting the story

We all develop certain stories about our lives. If we think we are working all the time, or have no time for fun, when we get time off from work, or we do have fun, we have to figure out a way to make this fit with our narratives. So we might decide that this leisure time is so rare that it is not worth acknowledging. But then we don’t get the full benefit of anticipating, savoring, and reminiscing.

Of course, this can go the other way too. Sometimes we talk ourselves out of trying something we’d like because we know it can’t fit in our lives all the time. At least during warmer weather, I like to run in the mornings, but for the past 16 years I’ve had little kids who wake unpredictably, which makes mornings challenging.

That said, challenging is not the same as impossible. Even if I can’t guarantee that I can run at precisely 6:30 a.m. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I can run in the morning sometimes. For instance, I can usually make it work at least one weekend day each weekend. If I planned ahead and coordinated with my husband, I’m sure I could do one weekday each week if I wanted to. This is a far cry from none, even if it probably won’t be my regular time slot.

Wringing happiness from rare events

So if there’s something you’d love to do, but it doesn’t fit regularly in your life, see if you can make it happen once in the next two weeks. Look at your calendar. See what time might be a possibility. Figure out the logistics required to make it work. Calling in chits once every two weeks probably isn’t going to over-tax anyone in your life.

But if you acknowledge that this good thing is happening, it can change the story you tell yourself about your life. I can think “hey, I get to run in the morning!” It may not happen as easily or as often as I like, but it is still happening. And if you do get to visit a spa, well, why try to convince yourself that this never happens? You’re much better off putting it on the calendar, looking forward to your fun, savoring it while it happens, and then recounting the happy memory afterward. That way you can maximize your enjoyment of this rare event.

Whereas if you try to convince yourself that it never happens? Well, there is a lot less fun in that — other than maintaining a narrative of martyrdom. I guess that can be fun, but the truth is that no one wins in the Misery Olympics. Better not to take part. Making it happen once can be your ticket out.