Make everyone around you feel special

I want to start by saying thank you to all of you that posted comments and sent me private messages after last week’s post. You have encouraged me go the next level down on the topic of leading with your heart: making people feel valued and special.

I grew up with a friend who had a unique ability to make everyone around her feel special. When you were with her you felt like you were the most important person in her world; it was genuine and sincere. At the time I thought I was the only person she had this type of relationship with, years later I was chatting with a circle of friends from that era of my life and we were all talking about this mutual friend and how much we missed her. Stories unfolded and we realizing that everyone felt that they had the same level of relationship with her. We all felt like she thought we were the special ones. And for me, that didn’t diminish the relationship that I had with her. It just made me all the more aware of how amazing and unique a skill she had to make everyone feel like they were the most important person to her.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all make each and every person we encounter feel like that? Think of the impact!

I have spent considerable time thinking about this and trying to pinpoint the things my friend did to make us all feel like we were her best friends. This is behavior I want to model and how I want to live my life,, and I encourage you to make an effort as well.

How do we make everyone we meet feel special?

1.   Undivided attention: 100% of your focus. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Don’t check your cell phone or be preparing for your next meeting in your head. Be completely present in your conversation. It is pretty amazing how rare it is to feel like you have someone’s undivided attention, and when you get that type of attention, you don’t easily forget it.

2.   Remember the details: Take note of what they are saying (this doesn’t mean you are focused on writing everything down, that can be just another distraction that makes you lose focus on the individual). If someone tells you their name, do whatever you can to help you remember that name. Repeat it to yourself, come up with a word association. Whatever works, just make an effort to remember the details. How impressed are you when someone you haven’t seen in a while remembers to ask about the project you were working on last time you talked? It feels awesome.

3.   Listen: So often during conversations, we think about what our response will be instead of listening to what the other person is saying. I am not sure if we do that because we are selfish or because we are so worried about the awkward pause that will happen if we have to think about what to say after the other person stops talking. Either way, we can tell when someone isn’t listening to us. Listen and pause if you have to before responding. The important part is the listening. We all want to be heard.

4.   Be genuine: Why do you call someone your best friend? Because they know the real you. To make someone feel important, be authentic, put your walls down, and be real with them. Nobody is perfect; it takes bravery and strength to show our imperfections, but this is how we connect with others. When you put up a facade, it can make others feel like you don’t believe they are worthy of knowing who you truly are. Being genuine is a gift that is free for you to give.

5.   Inspire: My friend was incredible at inspiring others. She was always true to who she was, even if it wasn’t the popular thing to do and she encouraged us to do the same. She set an example and created a safe place for us to grow and learn. She pushed us, but it always come from a place of caring. Looking back, she was coaching and mentoring us to all be a better version of ourselves. I will forever be grateful.

Ultimately, to make others feel special, you are making them feel valued by giving them your time and sincere attention.

The holiday season is upon us and thus we are all busy connecting with family, friends, and clients, so take some time now to reflect on at least one way you can make others feel special during your interactions with them.