Make a Difference: The Gift of Positive Influence

"All we have are our hearts and minds. If these hearts and minds aren't taken care of, what kind of company are we going to be? We need to create an environment where people's hearts and minds can thrive" Tee Green

Introduction

Every Friday morning, the alarm goes off earlier than usual, but the grogginess quickly fades as I anticipate what's ahead.

By 6:30 AM, I find myself at a weekly business networking breakfast, a ritual I cherish deeply. The moment I step into the room, I'm greeted with warm handshakes and heartfelt hugs from fellow attendees.

This simple yet profound exchange of goodwill is not just a pleasant start to the day—it’s a highlight of my week.

It's these interactions, brimming with genuine goodwill, that exemplify the essence of positive influence.

In today’s fast-paced world, influence is often discussed in terms of strategies and outcomes, with a focus on persuasion tactics that prompt others to say "Yes" or sway them into action.

Books like Robert Cialdini’s Influence and Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People provide effective techniques for navigating social interactions to achieve specific goals. Similarly, Eric Berne’s Games People Play explores the transactional nature of human relationships. However, there exists another dimension of influence—one rooted not in the pursuit of personal gain but in the spontaneous generosity of the human spirit.

This article delves into the nature and benefits of positive influence, a force that transcends transactional interactions and nurtures genuine connections.

It’s about the kind of influence that enriches and uplifts, without expecting anything in return. Here, we will explore how to cultivate this noble trait and how it can transform not only personal relationships but also foster a more compassionate society.

By embracing the principles of positive influence, we can create ripples of goodwill that extend far beyond our immediate circles.

The Nature of Positive Influence

Positive influence stems from a desire to contribute positively to the lives of others without an underlying motive of personal gain.

This altruistic approach differs fundamentally from the transactional tactics often emphasised in traditional discussions about influence.

Whereas transactional influence seeks a specific outcome or reciprocity, positive influence is freely given, emphasising the well-being and growth of others as its primary goal.

Philosophical and Ethical Foundations

The concept of positive influence is deeply rooted in ethical and philosophical principles that advocate for altruism and benevolence. Philosophers like Immanuel Kant and Confucius have argued for the importance of acting out of duty and respect for others, rather than for personal gain. In their book, Above the Line, Stephen & Mara Klemich categorise this as Growth Driven Love - Focus on Growing Others.

This view is supported by modern psychological theories that highlight the role of empathy in fostering genuine interpersonal connections. By empathising with others, we naturally act in ways that are supportive and uplifting, driven by a genuine understanding of and concern for their experiences and needs.

Contrast with Transactional Influence

In contrast to positive influence, transactional influence—as depicted in books like Robert Cialdini's Influence and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People - often involves strategies designed to elicit a specific response or behavior from others.

These methods, while effective for achieving immediate personal or group goals, can sometimes lead to relationships based on manipulation or expectation rather than mutual respect and genuine connection.

For instance, transactional influence might involve complimenting someone to gain their favour or agreeing with their opinions to persuade them to support a proposal. Though these actions can be part of normal social interactions, when they are performed solely to influence, they may lack sincerity and depth.

Positive influence, on the other hand, is characterised by actions that are inherently rewarding to both the giver and the receiver. This could be as simple as offering a genuine compliment, providing unsolicited assistance, or listening intently during a conversation. These acts of kindness and support are valuable in themselves, regardless of any benefit that might return to the giver.

In neurochemistry, the giving of kindness and support elicits the feel good hormone oxytocin.

Every single person is capable is capable of this experience. It's as simple as a cheery greeting "Good morning" along with a warm handshake and / or hug.

Elsewhere, you may contribute in a community garden, volunteer for group activities, mentor disadvantaged kids, or visit the sick and elderly.

Benefits of Positive Influence

Positive influence not only enriches the lives of those it touches directly but also has far-reaching effects that can transform communities and countries and enhance societal well-being. Here, we explore both the personal and social benefits of cultivating and exercising positive influence.

Personal Benefits

1. Enhanced Self-Esteem and Wellbeing: Engaging in acts of kindness and showing genuine concern for others can significantly boost one’s self-esteem and overall mental health. Research has shown that altruistic behaviour releases endorphins, producing the positive feeling known as the “helper’s high.” Individuals who regularly engage in selfless acts often report greater levels of happiness and satisfaction in their lives.
2. Stronger Relationships: Positive influence fosters trust and respect, which are foundational elements of strong, healthy relationships. By prioritising the needs and well-being of others, individuals create a reciprocal environment of support and loyalty. This not only strengthens existing relationships but also helps in building new connections with others who value kindness and empathy.
3. Personal Growth and Development: Practising positive influence encourages continuous personal growth. As individuals strive to positively impact others, they often develop key skills such as empathy, patience, and communication. These skills are critical not only in personal and professional relationships but also in self-reflection and personal development.

Social Benefits

1. Cohesive Communities: When members of a community engage in acts of positive influence, it creates a more cohesive and supportive environment. This can lead to reduced crime rates, enhanced cooperation among residents, and an overall improvement in the quality of life within the community. For example, community gardens or shared public spaces, choirs, parents groups, and neighbourhood watch groups that are nurtured by the collective effort of residents can become focal points for gathering and positive social interactions. Examples include Ronni Kahn (OzHarvest food) and Tim Costello (World Vision).
2. Inspiring Leadership: Leaders who practise positive influence set a powerful example for others, whether in organisations, communities, or nations. Such leaders foster an atmosphere of open dialogue, mutual respect, and collaboration. Their approach not only improves morale and productivity but also inspires others to adopt similar behaviours and attitudes, leading to a culture of positive influence at multiple levels of society. Examples include Nelson Mandela (apartheid), Greta Thunberg (environment), Malala Yousafzai (education for girls).
3. Sustainable Change: Positive influence has the power to bring about sustainable changes by addressing not just the symptoms but the root causes of societal issues. For example, educational programs that focus on developing character and ethics in young people can lead to a generation more committed to fairness and justice. These programs rely on the positive influence of educators who model these virtues.

Cultivating a mindset of positive influence involves intentional actions and a commitment to personal growth and empathy. Here, we outlined practical steps anyone can take to develop and extend their influence positively in both personal and professional settings.

How to Cultivate Positive Influence

Cultivating a mindset of positive influence involves intentional actions and a commitment to personal growth and empathy. Here, we outline practical steps anyone can take to develop and extend their influence positively in both personal and professional settings.

Develop Empathy

1. Active Listening: Practise truly listening to others, not just to respond, but to understand. Active listening involves giving full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back what you've heard to show comprehension and empathy.
2. Seek to Understand: Before offering advice or solutions, strive to understand the other person’s perspective and feelings. This can involve putting yourself in their shoes and considering their emotional and situational context.

Offer Support and Encouragement

1. Offer Help Without Being Asked: Look for opportunities to assist others, whether it’s offering your expertise, time, or resources, without waiting for them to ask. This proactive approach to helping can lighten others' burdens and inspire them to pay it forward.
2. Encourage Others: Regularly provide positive feedback and encouragement to people around you. Highlighting someone’s strengths and contributions can boost their confidence and motivate them to continue their efforts.
3. Refrain from Critique: If you don't have anything to say, then zip it. Too often, we offer comment which is both unnecessary and often unsuitable for the occasion. No thanks to social media where everyone seems to be an expert.

Lead by Example

1. Model Positive Behaviors: Demonstrate the behaviours you hope to see in others. This could be showing kindness, integrity, fairness, and generosity in your daily actions, which can subtly influence others to act similarly.
2. Maintain Integrity: Always align your actions with your values. Being consistent in this way builds trust and respect, making others more likely to follow your lead or seek your guidance.

Foster Inclusiveness

1. Create Open Environments: Encourage inclusivity by making sure everyone feels valued and able to contribute. This can be achieved by inviting input from all members of a group and respecting diverse viewpoints. Help those who struggle to articulate or act.
2. Bridge Divides: Actively work to connect people across different backgrounds and viewpoints. Promoting understanding and cooperation among diverse groups enhances social cohesion and broadens the impact of positive influence.

Educate and Mentor

1. Share Knowledge: Freely share your knowledge and skills with others. This could be through formal mentoring or simply by taking the time to teach someone a new skill or concept.
2. Support Others' Growth: Encourage others to pursue their goals and develop their potential. This might involve pointing out opportunities, providing resources, or just being there to offer advice when needed.

This section provides readers with actionable steps to embody and spread positive influence, emphasising that it’s not only about large gestures but also about the consistent, small acts of kindness and support that build a foundation for larger societal and personal benefits.

Avoiding Pitfalls of Influence

While the practice of positive influence holds many benefits, it's essential to be mindful of potential pitfalls that can undermine its integrity and effectiveness. Here, we explore some common traps and provide guidance on how to avoid them.

Avoiding Transactional Thinking

1. Focus on Genuine Interactions: Avoid approaching interactions with a mindset of what you can gain. Instead, focus on what you can contribute and take a collaborative or co-creation approach. Make your interactions about understanding and meeting the needs of others without expecting anything in return.
2. Cultivate Long-term Relationships: Think long-term rather than seeking immediate returns. Build relationships based on trust and mutual respect, which are more likely to be sustainable and rewarding for all parties involved.

Steering Clear of Arrogance and Hubris

1. Practise Humility: Regularly reflect on your actions and intentions. Acknowledge that no matter your skills or accomplishments, there is always room to learn from others. Humility helps in keeping your influence positive and prevents it from turning into a pursuit of personal glory.
2. Seek Feedback: Embrace constructive criticism and encourage others to provide honest feedback. This practice not only helps in personal growth but also keeps arrogance at bay by valuing others' perspectives. We all have blind spots and missteps.

Avoiding Self-Agrandizement

1. Highlight Collective Successes: When achievements involve collaboration, highlight the role of your team or community. Sharing credit not only fosters goodwill but also reinforces the importance of collective effort over individual accolades.
2. Focus on the Cause: Keep the larger goal or cause at the forefront of your actions. When you focus on the cause rather than personal recognition, your influence is more likely to remain genuine and impactful.

Maintaining Ethical Standards

1. Adhere to Ethical Guidelines: Consistently align your actions with ethical standards and principles. This alignment ensures that your influence does not become manipulative or self-serving.
2. Reflect on Your Motives: Regularly examine your motives to ensure they align with the values of positive influence, such as kindness, fairness, and generosity. This self-reflection helps in maintaining the purity of your intentions. Seek feedback on a regular basis from your trusted accountability partner.

By being aware of and actively avoiding these common pitfalls, individuals can more effectively foster environments of trust and mutual respect.

Conclusion

Throughout this article, we have explored the profound concept of positive influence and its capacity to enrich lives and transform communities. From understanding its nature and benefits to learning how to cultivate and maintain it, the journey of positive influence is both rewarding and impactful.

Recap of Key Points

• The Nature of Positive Influence: Unlike transactional influence, which focuses on personal gain, positive influence is rooted in genuine concern for others' well-being, fostering trust and respect.
• Benefits of Positive Influence: This approach not only enhances personal fulfillment and growth but also strengthens community ties and promotes societal well-being.
• How to Cultivate Positive Influence: By developing empathy, offering support, leading by example, and fostering inclusivity, individuals can effectively extend their influence positively.
• Avoiding Pitfalls: Maintaining humility, focusing on collective achievements, and adhering to ethical standards are crucial to ensuring that one's influence remains positive and genuine.

Call to Action

Reflect on your daily interactions and consider how you might incorporate principles of positive influence into your life. Think about the kind of legacy that you wish to leave in your communities and how you can make a meaningful difference through simple, consistent acts of kindness and support. Every little positive gesture towards the other makes a huge difference.

Reflective Question

"What opportunities do you see in your own life to practice positive influence, and how can you start making a difference today and everyday?"

To your success!

Frank Choy

14 April 2024

Recommended reading:

"Above the Line: Living & Leading with The Heart", Stephen Klemich, Mara Klemich, Harper Collins, 2020

"The Gift of Influence", Tommy Spaulding, Crown, 2022

"The Heart Led Leader", Tommy Spaulding, Crown, 2015