Maine Native Prison Project - dissolved

RICK

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2019

I have been writing a Master’s paper on Incarceration and Forgiveness. Yesterday, on my 18th page I was overcome with emotion, eyes tearing so I could no longer type. I wasn’t even sure what had sparked this emotion, but this morning I awoke with thoughts of Rick.

Rick was my friend, my counterpart in the prisons and jails. He was a good man. He loved his wife beyond anything I had ever seen, other than the love and special connection he had with his daughter, a bond most fathers could only dream of. He loved nature, Alaska & Costa Rica, the desert, camping, fishing and his dogs. He loved good coffee, and good food (and some not so good food - Vienna sausages), he had a passion for peanut butter. We shared a love for Bill Miller’s music, and our passion to help the underdog. He was a good man...

Why the tears and emotions? How could I possibly write about the work we did and not have memories come flooding in? Have you ever had something hit you like a slap across the face? I am writing about forgiveness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness? Forgiveness!?

I have not forgiven Rick; Rick left this world, and did not tell me he was dying. I received a phone call from his wife a couple of weeks after he passed. I knew he had been sick. We had a strange phone conversation a couple of years before he left this earth plane; I thought he had thoughts of suicide and was saying his good-byes, after we had hung up. Maybe he thought it was his time, and he was saying good-bye...I have not forgiven myself...because I never really told him how I felt. He was the closest thing I ever had to a brother.?

He was my protector. When we first met, he was a big man, in stature and build. He had long hair he always wore in a ponytail; only once did I see his hair down. He would often have a beard. He had a Southern drawl; a deep voice that would have been great for radio - that’s how we met...another story, another time. He looked as if he should be riding a Harley. I felt safe going into the jails and prisons with him. For quite some time, many of those we were visiting thought we were married to each other; they were surprised we were both married to other people.

We loved Arnie; a bond we shared. Rick bought me a doll called the “Penobscot Man” as a gift one year. We saw it in a shop on the way to the prison one day; it looked just like Arnie.

Rick was such a kind and gentle soul, but you didn’t want to cross him. He would give anything he had to just about anyone who needed it.

I did not tell him these things...I also assumed there would be time, or he knew anyway.?

I had not forgiven him for not telling me he was dying; for not giving me a chance to say good-bye. I never got a chance to tell him I was so lucky to have him in my life; our lives.

Forgive me for not telling you all of this while you were here. I forgive you for leaving without saying good-bye.

This is the song that triggered tears early today: (John Prine) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNuuBfWFYvQ

Lyrics

I been thinking lately about the people I meet

The car wash on the corner and the hole in the street

The way my ankles hurt with shoes on my feet

I'm wondering if I'm gonna see tomorrow

Father forgive us for what we must do

You forgive us and we'll forgive you

We'll forgive each other 'til we both turn blue

And we'll whistle and go fishing in the heavens

I was in the army but I never dug a trench

I used to bust my knuckles on a monkey wrench

I'd go to town and drink and give the girls a pinch

I don't think they ever even noticed me

Fish and whistle, whistle and fish

Eat everything that they put on your dish

When we get through we'll make a big wish

That we never have to do this again, again? again?

On my very first job I said thank-you and please

They made me scrub a parking lot down on my knees

Then I got fired for being scared of bees

And they only give me fifty cents an hour

Fish and whistle, whistle and fish

Eat everything that they put on your dish

When we get through we'll make a big wish

That we never have to do this again, again? again?

We'll whistle and go fishing in the heavens

We'll whistle and go fishing in the heavens

>>>>I hope you are whistling and fishing...wherever you are.