"A Day In The Life Of" by Eva, incarcerated in Texas

I wake up to the screeching of the alarm

Reaching out, sure that the time is a lie

But it’s not.

Every single moment has dragged by,

And flew by, according to which watch I look at.

The one of my arm or the one in my heart.

I stand up and stretch

My body aches for I’ve slept on rocks.

Living in dreams and dancing on clouds

Awakening to the nightmare of life.

I put on two masks before I leave my cell,

One mask I know all too well.

I’ve been putting it on for so many years

I don’t understand how it hasn’t seeped in

How it hasn’t become the real me.

This new mask with its cotton and dangly strings

It’s not even meant to actually protect me,

But to help protect others.

Funny thing that given a charge of murder,

You’d give me a mask,

A mask I already wear in my soul.

A mask made by justification. That I protected others

By committing one of the most horrendous acts

An act you can never seek forgiveness for

Because the Forgiver is not here anymore.

With these masks on, I guess my day can continue.

The day continues in the eyes of other people.

I’ve learned to smile with my eyes,

Because no one can see the real one I use.

I guess “ real” is a funny word

Not real as in true but real as in factual

Or physically existing in this realm.

Then work comes.

Each day as repetitious as the last.

But I like the act of existing.

I space out, I dream, I think of life beyond this place;

I think I’m strong, I adapt, I’ll be fine,

But a slight alteration in the environment

And I’m brought to my knees.

I want to hide, I want to cry, silently I scream

But only my masks protect me.

I am so terrified

Terrified to breathe, COVID has made the world

See what it is like to be me,

Afraid to go outside.

Afraid to breathe.

Afraid to be touched by another.

One who has to don their mask before the door.

But then I’m back home

It is home no matter how many people says it’s not.

It’s home to me.

Comfortable, embracing, safe, I am free.

Controlled and still able to breathe

Hidden from a world of dreams.

??????

Note: As of Sept. 11, 2020, the Texas prison system remains at the top in the nation in number of COVID-19 cases (21,399) and more deaths than within the entire federal prison system. Source: The Marshall Project.

ABOUT TRUTH BE TOLD

Since 2000, Truth Be Told has been addressing a documented service gap in the criminal legal system for programs designed by women for women. Our gender-responsive programs address the unique risk factors that lead women into the system — namely, high rates of interpersonal violence, substance abuse, mental health issues, and histories of childhood physical and sexual abuse. Through programs that offer restorative justice practices, healing through storytelling, life skills and self-care tools, Truth Be Told empowers women to break free from the imprisoning narrative of past trauma and abuse.

In March, due to COVID-19, we redesigned our in-person program as a mail correspondence curriculum and have been operating entirely through the U.S. Postal Service to continue providing mental health support.

OUR SCOPE AND IMPACT

We offer programs at four women’s prisons and one jail in Central Texas. Post-release, we offer safe community, emotional support and personal/professional development for program graduates through weekly peer-facilitated Zoom calls, virtual retreats and courses, and in-person gatherings (not during pandemic). A review of 15 years of Texas Department of Criminal Justice data revealed that 86.2 percent of Truth Be Told graduates remain free three years after their release from prison. Our graduates track a lower recidivism rate than the state’s average for women.