The Magic of Priming Questions in Changing Beliefs

One’s own idea is a perfect column of white light that shines with the focus of a lighthouse. It illuminates the path forward with little reservation. Boldly, folks step forward and follow that path. Few things are more brilliant than one’s own idea.

So, why do folks still think a better explanation will be more persuasive?

After Christopher Nolan’s successes with Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, he released Inception.

Inception tells a story of planting ideas in people’s heads by infiltrating their dreams. Once you can plant an idea in their subconscious, they’ll act on that idea. From the dreams in my coma, I’ll testify to the power of that force.

In the early days of October 2021, the argument I was having with my wife was about my ability to walk. She insisted I couldn’t walk. I insisted that I could.

The evidence was overwhelmingly on her side. But I didn’t believe her.

She was right. I had just woken up from a 6-week coma. My body was completely atrophied. I couldn’t lift either of my arms. Nor neither of my legs. A one-inch tube in my throat tethered me to a machine next to the bed. Every fact supported her argument. But I still didn’t believe her.

“I’ve already been up four or five times,” I told her.

“I can walk. I just need help sitting up.”

I had been walking in my dreams. In fact, when Karen wasn’t there, I’d escape to a staff lounge on the second floor of the hospital. It had a bed I liked more, and I’d take naps up there until Karen’s next visit. Then I’d return to my room.

Reality check! That hospital didn’t have a second floor. And there was no way my atrophied body could move half an inch in bed without the assistance of a nurse.

But just like the movie, Inception, I believed what I believed, and I couldn’t be talked out of it.

Few things are more brilliant than one’s own idea. If you want someone to believe something deeply, then make it their idea, not yours. One of the ways of doing that is with priming questions.

Priming Questions Change the Game

In Christopher Nolan’s Inception, they primed the subconscious in dreams. Then when they were awake, they acted on those beliefs. You can prime folks with carefully structured questions.

First, let me clearly state what this is not. This isn’t some bogus NLP mind-trick where you ask a series of “yes” questions and then ask if they want to buy your service. You’ve seen the routine:

“Do you want whiter teeth?”

“Do you want thicker hair?”

“Do you want the opposite sex to find you irresistibly attractive?”

“Do you want our patented product that makes your teeth whiter, your hair thicker, and makes you more attractive to the opposite sex?”

The strategy of that NLP mind-trick is to get you to stop thinking and say yes to everything. I’m not sure if that works for low-ticket items. But I am sure it doesn’t work for high-ticket items.

Priming questions are different. Their purpose is to slow the mind down and make it think more – not less.

The best priming questions cause people to stop in their tracks and think through something they’ve previously given little to no thought to. The ideal priming questions have the following three traits:

1. It’s a question that’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask without sounding like a sales question.
2. You’re 95% certain that they won’t know the answer to the question when you ask it.
3. You’re 95% certain that they will immediately realize that they should know the answer to the question.

Here’s an example for an executive coach for a small business who has been struggling with seesaw revenue:

“What’s limiting you from breaking through those revenue peaks?”

Clearly, if they knew the answer to that, they would have already broken through. That’s why they need the executive coach. They know they should know the answer, but don’t. And it’s a perfectly reasonable question for an executive coach to ask without it sounding like a sales question.

The point of that priming question is for them to clarify in their own mind that there is a barrier that continually limits them. They haven’t been able to identify that barrier on their own. And they need a set of outside eyes to help them identify and overcome that barrier.

Now, what do you think is more effective? Telling them they need to believe everything in that last paragraph? Or having them reach that conclusion on their own and ask for help?

Few things are more brilliant than one’s own idea. ?Use priming questions to shine a clean white beam of light on the path forward. Shine it through the lens of your client’s own mind with priming questions.