The Mad Hatter's tea party

Have you ever had an experience of inner conflict, where at least a few different voices in your mind are competing for attention? Have you ever thought that you may be going a bit crazy? Don't worry, you are not alone. Here is a wee glimpse into the narrative inside my mind when faced with a challenge:

VICTIM: "I'm just soooo tired, It's just too hard, I just want someone else to take care of this mess for a while."

INNER CRITIC: "Look at you, you are just pathetic. You are a mess! Just get over yourself and get on with it.”

MINDFULNESS: just watching

ANXIETY: ”Oh my god, I cannot cope, I'm feeling so unsafe, I'm drowning!!!"

CONTROLLER:" We need some rules around here. Off to bed at 9 pm, tonight, no Netflix. Early start tomorrow with meditation and yoga and then work."

WISDOM: "Let's look at the bigger picture, this too shall pass. Just breathe. Be here now."

PROCRASTINATOR: "Let's just watch videos of cute kittens and make-up tutorials on youtube and scroll on Instagram for a few hours."

THE WORKER: "I'll just get this one last thing done, I'm just too busy to deal with this right now."

THE OVERTHINKER: "Let's think about this over and over again for another 20 minutes without coming up with any solutions."

 And that's not even all of them. It's like a mad-hatters tea party in my head!

The good news is - this is how our mind actually works, and there is now a name for it - The multiplicity theory.

When neuroscientists look for the centre for the independent self, the "I" or "me," in the brain, they can't find one. According to Dr. Tatiana Bachkirova, rather than having one unified self, there are many independent functioning units or mini-selves. Each mini-self is supported by a pattern of links between different areas of the brain that become either activated or inhibited when the organism is involved in an activity.

 "When a machine is revolving very fast, as a fan with several blades, the separate parts are not visible but appear as one. So, the self, the 'me', seems to be a unified entity, but if it’s activities can be slowed down, then we shall perceive that it is not a unified entity, but made up of many separate and contending desires and pursuits. These separate wants and hopes, fears and joys make up the self." Krishnamurti, J. The Collected Works

Becoming aware of the inner dialogue without reacting to it can be a way out of the internal conflict. The key is to cultivate mindfulness and clear comprehension - the ability to calmly observe our minds, with curiosity and self-compassion, and without identifying with the narrative.

Some of my personal break-throughs came about when I finally stopped the inner war and invited all the characters to sit together at the table, even the ones that I would rather have locked up in the cellar – like voices of shame, insecurity, and vulnerability.

"The evidence suggests that self-insight is a precious commodity that people believe they possess to a far greater degree than they really do." David Dunning, Strangers to ourselves

With greater self-awareness, we could achieve a collaboration of all the different characters that populate our inner world. You could think of it as setting time aside to do some inner team-building work.

 Here are some helpful questions to ask:

• What part of you is concerned most with this problem/challenge?
• What is the purpose of this part?
• What does this part need to happen?
• What part of you resists it?
• What is the purpose of that part?
• What does this part need to happen?

"There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it. If you don't understand this, you will try to figure out which of the many things the voice says is really you. People try to go through so many changes in the name of "Trying to find myself." They want to discover which of these voices, which of these aspects of their personality, is who they really are. The answer is simple: none of them!" Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

References:

• Bachkirova, T. (2011). Developmental Coaching: Working with the Self, Maidenhead: Open University Press.
• Dunning, D. (2006), Strangers to ourselves, The Psychologist, Vol19, No 10, p. 603

About the author:

Maya Nova is a speaker, trainer, coach and a mindful leadership consultant with over a decade of experience working with people and organisations to help them improve their mental agility, resilience and well-being. She is passionate about living our lives as if they really mattered. Some of Maya's clients include: TVNZ, Outward Bound, ANZ, Tower, Sovereign and Lotto NZ among many others. Visit her website for more info: mindbalance.co.nz

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