On Lying About Why You Left

All of us know people who seem to make a living out out of lying. The skeevy, sketchy, below board antics of these people blow most of us away with their audacity and deceit, but in my experience (most of it spent in sales!) people like this are the exception and not the rule.

That said, since I've been coaching seasoned professionals I've often been surprised at how many well meaning, scrupulous and honest people ask my advice about what to say about gaps in their resume or why they quit or got let go from their last job. 

They often work themselves into a frenzy about what people will think or what they will say if they ever told a prospective employer or manager the "real" reason for their departure. Now look, if you got fired because you came to work without pants on, you've got bigger problems than what to say about it in your interview. Likewise, if you left your last job because you couldn't stand the sound of your cubicle mate breathing, you've got some personal stuff you need to work through. Still, what happened is what happened.

But let's talk about the more prevalent cases, where people left or want to leave because maybe the job turned out to be totally different than it was advertised, your boss threw you under the bus on a regular basis, the soul crushing company culture or the epiphany that you were in the completely wrong job/career, etc.  or the case where you were blindsided by a layoff and you had no say in the matter. 

I've heard things like, "Oh, I just hated being an attorney and I want to go back to consulting, but I can't say that in an interview or they'll think I don't want to work hard!" or "My boss was the most wretched person on the planet, but I can't say that in an interview or they'll think I'm the one who is trouble", "I got laid off, but I don't want to say it that way because then they'll think I was a below average performer" or my favorite (please read in a very distressed voice), "I've only been at my job for 9 months and I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than walk into work everyday, but I can't leave they'll all think I'm a...a...job hopper!" 

You know what all these declarations have in common? The person assumes they know what "they'll think". They do not. The truth is that you have no way of knowing what "they'll think". Who is they anyway? (And for that last one? 99.9% of the people who are afraid of being called "job hoppers" got that completely absurd fear from their parents, who got it from theirs, whose work life ended with a nice pension somewhere in the 1960s. Things have kind of changed since then).

Otherwise honest people get into trouble when they convince themselves they need to make things up because they are afraid the nebulous "they" want to hear a certain story. They convince themselves that whatever led them out of their last job isn't a valid enough reason, so perhaps a lie might be better. Of course, nobody wants to call it a "lie", but that is exactly what it is when you make something else up instead of just telling the truth. When you do not respond truthfully about why you left one job, you're misrepresenting who you actually are and you make finding a better fit infinitely harder. The reasons you left were valid - they had to be or you'd still be there. So own it, and if you're asked about it, tell them the truth.

There are myriad ways to tell the story about the "real reason(s)" you left and choosing one of them is a much better alternative than the conjuring up a lie. The truth is an opportunity, not an albatross around your neck. For example, let's pretend you left your last job because your boss was an insufferable jerk and there were no repercussions for her bad behavior towards you or her other reports. Guess what? A lot of people understand that and they've been there. You're not the only one who has ever worked for a tyrant.

When asked by the interviewer why you left, let's say you opt for the truth and say something like, "I thrive in environments that foster mutually respectful, honest relationships between colleagues, and that wasn't something the culture at my previous employer valued as highly as I did". That is the truth. You didn't have to call your boss a jerk to tell the truth - the interviewer knows exactly what you're saying.

If your interviewer just left a screaming match with her own insufferable boss before she came to see you, she'll probably know right away from what you just told her that you wouldn't be a good fit at that company. And you wouldn't! You'd hate that place. That honest exchange? The one where you aren't going to get a job offer from her?  You just did you both a favor whether you know it or not.

If instead you had lied and said, "I had a family emergency so I took some time off" as the reason you left and it turns out that she did too once, and she likes you and your background - congratulations! You got the job and you've unwittingly wound up in exactly the same hell you left! She might even want to commiserate sometime about what family emergency you had to deal with. Which is going to be a really awkward lie for you to keep perpetuating, if you're normally a pretty honest person.

But if you tell the truth about why you left, and the person interviewing you just let the last person in your role go because he was an insufferable jerk, then you've just communicated a truth she'll be happy to hear -- that you're a great cultural fit for the role. She doesn't want a new jerk. She wants somebody who values mutual respect. The point, is - you don't know and you can't control what someone is going to think about the valid reason you left your last role, but by telling your truth, you make it a lot easier to wind up in a job that isn't going to be a re-run of the one you just left. 

So be brave, be smart and be real. You will never know exactly what a potential employer is going to think when you talk about your reason for leaving the last role, but by doing so, you respect yourself and you respect them, which will make it infinitely easier to convey confidence and integrity in your search and land in a role much more suited to you.  

Photo credit : Yau Hoong Tang/Flickr

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Theresa Sullivan is the founder of Wayfinder Advisors, a company dedicated to helping ambitious, capable professionals discover their true purpose and share their unique gifts with the world.

For professionals who are curious about their own personal blueprint for passion and success, we offer the Come Alive workshop, done virtually from anywhere in North America.  Workshops starting soon!

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