Lunch Room Dialogue

Sideways Anger

Ever heard the term “Sideways Anger?” If you have ever been the target of a sudden verbal or physical attack, seemingly without provocation, it could be the result of Sideways Anger. If you have ever been triggered into a sudden release of anger toward someone by a small insignificant act and then wondered why you reacted that way, it was probably the result of Sideways Anger.

Sideways Anger is a displacement or misplacement of unexpressed, unresolved emotional turmoil or angst. To put it more simply, when someone or something angers you, but you feel compelled to stuff it down inside and not give the anger any expression or avenue of escape – the anger builds up inside until some little event or some unsuspecting person triggers the release of the buried emotion.

We can think of it like a volcano. There may be no signs of activity on the outside for years at a time. Everything appears to be calm. The inside is a different story. There is pressure building higher and higher from the constant inside turmoil of the magma. Suddenly, without any warning the volcano erupts and spews hot lava and rock over everything and everyone in its path.

Ever know someone like that? Ever seen that type of reaction in yourself?

The main point to remember is that Sideways Anger is the result of not dealing with our emotions. We don’t want to feel uncomfortable feelings so we stuff them down inside and pretend we are fine. When someone asks us how we are doing, we reply, “I’m fine, how are you?”

Let’s remember that the word ‘fine’ stands for:

F – Fearful         I – Insecure        N – Neurotic     E – Emotional

So if we wanted to answer honestly we would have to admit that we are really feeling fearful, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.

Of course the easier way is to just take a personal inventory at the end of every day (Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it).

• When we do our personal inventory, we can be honest with God and with ourselves.
• We can review our day and look at the experiences that made us feel hurt, angry, lonely, etc.
• We can write about these emotions in a daily journal noting the source, the cause, our actions, our reactions, and what in ourselves was affected.
• We can look at different ways to handle the situation should it or something similar occur again.
• We can pray and ask God to help us to learn from this experience and to become a better person.

By practicing this type of outlet for our emotions and/or our thoughts, we remove their destructive power over us and we allow ourselves and God to be more in control. To gain even more benefit from an exercise like this, we can choose to share our discoveries with a Sponsor or a Counselor.

The bottom line is NOT to stuff your emotions. This is not to say we should walk around expressing every feeling we ever feel. People like that usually end up in a locked Psych Ward for a time. The goal is to find a healthy way to express our emotions and NOT let them build up inside.

How do you keep your emotions in check? What do you do to ensure emotional health? Feel free to add your comments.

Additional Resources: 

Anger Disorder Types And How To Deal With Them

Posted on January 29, 2016 by [email protected]