Lunch with an ex-Pastor

Recently I had lunch with a man who has known me from birth. ? I will be 46 this year and he is of my father’s generation.

He was a pastor at the church of my youth and I looked up to him for his quiet wisdom.

During the lunch we spoke of current life events, past adventures and personal foibles.? What struck me was the nature of context on the way the conversation made me feel.

We hear all the time about the depth of relationships as if some mystery forms and begets an unspoken language between old friends.

I realize though that it simply comes down to context.

Day in and day out I speak about the value of information and in the end, the use of information, of data, comes down to context. ? It is the same with relationships.

As you spend more time with someone you learn more of their stories and you slowly gain more context around who they are and what makes them tick. ? This context accretes into more layers of understanding and more nuance.? Such that even when you are speaking about the mundane, you are hearing more.??

I recognized that even in my simple conversation with this ex-pastor-now-carpenter, a true life-long friend, we were activating deep context.

The unspoken language relies on knowing more backstory about your friends and family.? Knowing when they are being sincere, when they need support, when they need a pat on the back, and even when they need their bluff called.

At the outset of the conversation, I was going on and on about my life, but at the end, the conversation turned back to him.? It was time to let his age and quiet wisdom speak.

Somewhere deep inside, I grew tired of the sound of my own voice and when I released my self-interest and turned that interest outward, we unlocked the depth of our context.? Sure it drifted mostly among mundane details, but I realized that while we said little, it meant more.\

Maybe this is a post about listening to your elders, but really I think it has a broader application.

Awareness comes from taking the time to run a complete inventory of the deep context you have in your close relationships.? Knowing the stories of your friends, families and acquaintances is important because it informs what drives them, what motivates them.????

In the end, the outcome of that contextual knowledge may drive you towards someone or away from them, but what truly matters is that you will grow.