THE LUGGAGE OF LIFE

Born into a family plagued by generational trauma I found myself traveling through life with suitcases filled with stress, betrayal and confusion among other symptoms.

Remembering that Saturday morning (April 18, 2020) I had called my now late mother at 7:11 AM to see if she wanted me to buy her anything to bring to her, but her phone just rang, rang and rang. After 10 rings I hung-up and said to myself "that's odd" and my gut told me that something was not right, so I called back and this time she answered, and this is what she said to me. "I was trying to call you because I fell, and I can't get-up” and then her words became gibberish, and I knew it was the on-set of a stroke. I remember calling to get help for her as I had been running outside to flag down a cab to get to the hospital.

Thanks to Covid I was not allowed to enter the hospital to be by her side, but I refused to leave the entrance until finally a security guard got the treating doctor to come and talk to me. After a 4 day stay the hospital wanted to discharge my mom into a nursing home. Well, that was not happening despite the pandemic. I was happy to have my mom come and stay with me.

My mom was such a bundle of joy to be around even the speech sessions I did with her was fun because she slowly began to talk again, her facial features returned and next it was getting her to walk again. One day as we sat at the kitchen table, I said to her "mom how about we make a pair of sneakers after you to inspire others to keep walking through the pandemic" and she looked at me and said yes, so I let her pick out the colors she liked.

On July 11, 2020, was her 90th birthday and we had a blast despite none of my siblings, nieces or nephews coming to see her, they didn't even call her on her special day. It was a form of punishment because she did not share her lawsuit money with them ~ my new book goes in-depth about this and many other things.

On July 13, 2020, I went into the room to sit my mom up to give her some homemade soup I made for her, and she laid her head on my chest and went to sleep for the final time. There is nothing in this world that could have prepared me for the events that were to follow.

The next day I had gone to my mother's house and my siblings had come into her home not even 2-hours after her body had been removed from my bed and they trash her home, stealing what they could and ripped-up all my pictures etc. I had a niece banging on my door and yelling that my mom left me all the money and a bunch of other things, but I did not respond since it has been my experience that you do not need to validate the ignorance of others. I called the police and to no surprise they showed-up 5-hours later.

For 8 months I carried much of this luggage blaming myself for not being better prepared. Emotionally I thought it was impossible for me to stand tall again and stop blaming myself.

So often we hear people say healing from trauma and forgiving others. It sounds easy, but it is not. I am thankful that I was finally able to utilize my trauma recovery tools and stop beating myself up for answers as to how could my siblings rob their own mother and my feeling that I let my mother down. Today I am in a good space because I cleaned house and threw out all my suitcases and I did forgive "MYSELF".

I learned that I am not responsible for the behaviors of others. Today I can share my story and teach others how to cope through times like this so they too can begin to heal and forgive themselves. ?This is the work of a great leader.

Although my mom did not live to see the finish product of her sneakers, she is sitting on her throne in heaven smiling down at me for helping others, so they do not have to experience such evilness.

Proceeds from my mother's sneakers goes to a funeral scholarship. I am making sure to keep her legacy alive.

Here is the link to my mother's sneakers that had been featured in Harper's Bazaar Magazine.

LEOLINE SNEAKERS FEATURED ON HARPER'S BAZAAR (aliveshoes.com)

I’ve smoked cigarettes for 40+ years and I am super excited to share that I will be quitting on my mother's birthday.

I pray that my story will not cause sadness but inspire my readers to get rid of suitcases that others have filled-up for you to carry. Continue to add value to your life and in the life of others. And always know that you are not responsible for the family that you were born into, but you are responsible for engaging in behaviors that members of your family engage.

I deeply appreciate all my subscribers and I thank you for helping me to throw out that final suitcase by sharing my story.

Note: I have since legally changed the spelling of my first name and now carry my mother’s name as my middle name.