Meet Lucy, my personal Gremlin and the inner critic with a heart of gold, sort of...
She's the one who, during my victory lap on Promotion Day, whispered doubts just as the work laptop snapped shut. "You're the boss now... but can you even boss your way out of a paper bag?" Classic Lucy!
So, after earning my stripes in NVC, which teaches about not strangling your inner critic, I've also reminded myself of a golden rule: treat yourself before treating others. Sounds easy, not to be me, although I am naturally self-focused as a camera in portrait mode. But, as someone who practically majored in corporate caregiving in HR, I finally realized that I couldn't pour from an empty cup. Applying self-empathy seemed to be a necessary step for me.
So, my quest for self-empathy began with a cordial 'getting to know you' session with my inner critic. Let's just say, it's been quite an enlightening experience.
Here are a couple of steps that help me get our relationship in order or at least close to one... Try this:
- Give your Gremlin a name tag. Mine's Lucy, the anti-villain, more sunshine than shadow. She also is a Gucci fan which makes it hard for me not to like her.
- Monitor her/his appearances closely. Lucy revels in a grand entrance—she's right there in the front row when I'm navigating the uncharted. She adopts a particularly honeyed tone when she suggests that perhaps I should just kick back and enjoy the status quo.
- Decode her/his melodramatic monologues. "Are you ready for this? What if you're an impostor?" Oh, Lucy, ever the drama queen.
- Check your emotional pulse. Lucy's so-called 'motivational' speeches have me swinging between feeling like a damsel in distress and a knight in shining armor. And honestly, this emotional rollercoaster is exhausting!
- Understand her/his the intentions. What if Lucy's not just about the drama, but actually harbors some noble intentions? I spent a good deal of time grappling with this and came to the realization that she genuinely means well. She's the guardian against bears of the wild or at least the slip-ups on the corporate ladder. She fears I might be too starry-eyed to spot the pitfalls. Recognizing that her presence is more about safeguarding than nagging, I began to see Lucy in a new light. It had never occurred to me that my inner critic might be playing bodyguard.
- Formulate an ask to your "Lucy'. As I peeled back the layers of Lucy's fervent warnings, I couldn't help but empathize with her. It dawned on me that her relentless efforts to shield me might be her own source of stress. Each time she surfaces, I meet her with a knowing nod, acknowledging the weight she carries on her shoulders.Now, when Lucy makes her entrance, I greet her with an understanding smile and assure her, "Lucy, thank you for your steadfast dedication to keeping me safe. It's alright, you can take a breather now. Why don't you indulge in the latest Gucci collection? I've got everything under control. I'm ready, and I'll be just fine!Two years on, and Lucy has become akin to the neighbor who drops by for a cup of sugar—unexpected but familiar. Each visit, I greet her with calm assurance, gently reminding her that I'm managing fine. As peculiar as it may seem, engaging in this inner dialogue and unraveling Lucy's intentions has been a profoundly effective exercise in self-empathy. "Lucy" represents that voice in our heads, a figment of our own making, and I've learned it's far more constructive to seek understanding than to resist.
