Lucky to be alive

One year minus three days, I got a tattoo on my wrist to remind myself of how lucky I am to be alive. I had a life-changing experience that made me think about what was important to me. Twelve months on, I’m reflecting on what it means to me now and whether I’ve honoured those feelings and thoughts.

One year ago, when I stepped into my home and hugged my kids, I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude and relief. I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened if things had gone differently. I would have left them alone to fend for themselves.

Days later I was filled with shock, disbelief, anger, and anxiety. But above all, I felt incredibly lucky to be alive. That feeling made me think about what it meant to live, what was important to me, and what I was showing up for.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who is a leader in our sector. We talked about work, life, and family. He said that it's impossible to "have it all." There’s only so much of us to go around, and we choose where we put our passion, our time and our energy. He knew that much of his time was being spent building a business that would ultimately save lives, but that it came at the cost of time spent with his young children. I could feel his guilt.

If we had this conversation a year ago, I would have told him that work didn't matter - that he needed to prioritise “work-life balance”. Then, it was clear to me that my absence from work was not going to have a profound impact, not in the same way that never returning home to my kids might have had.

But today, my perspective has shifted. And that’s because I realise I had oversimplified the definition of “life” in “work-life balance." I had treated these two concepts as if they were at different ends of a spectrum. My family is important to me, as is looking after my health and having fun experiencing all the world has to offer. But my work is also an important part of “life.”

I am passionate about the work I do. I believe in the value of discovery. I believe in smart people – like my friend – who reframe our world and create solutions that respond to human suffering. I believe in creating value in organisations that support people who need purpose, hope or livelihoods. And I believe that I play a small role in getting us all a bit closer to all those things.

So, these are my thoughts today on what it means to be lucky to be alive, what is important to me and what I show up for:

• My family comes first. When they need me, everything else can wait. I want to be there for them not only during times of crisis but also for the celebration – the times when my heart fills so full that tears well up in my eyes.
• I choose to spend considerable time and energy at work because it's important to me and I believe I can make a difference. I am lucky to have that opportunity.
• Every day, I have the chance to make an impact on the people I work with. I want to leave them better than I found them.
• I'm human. Sometimes, I need time to recharge at home with my loved ones.

I know I will have left you wondering, so here is the short of the story.

My husband and I were travelling back from a weekend away when a car travelling towards us veered into our lane. The driver had fallen asleep and there was no time to brake. So, with both of our cars travelling at 110km/hr toward each other, all I could do from the passenger seat was scream my husband’s name and close my eyes as he swerved off the road heading towards the embankment. I thought I would never open my eyes again.

The police are still unsure how my husband swerved enough to reduce the impact to the side of our car and then steer us back onto the road. My eyes opened halfway through spinning in circles and I turned to my husband to ask him if he was okay. His eyes were wide and his face was painted with flecks of red from pieces of glass. I was so relieved when he finally spoke – seconds felt like minutes in that moment.

Our car was totalled, but we were miraculously unharmed thanks to airbags and crumple zones. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the driver of the other vehicle that rolled nine times. He’s still recovering but is alive thanks to the miracles of medical treatments. Luck was also on his side that day. The next car to arrive at the scene had an off-duty policeman who flipped his car and a nurse who kept him alive.

Since that moment, I’ve had time to reflect on how my luck has impacted not only the course of my life but also my entire perspective on it. We all have defining moments in our lives, both big and small, that shape us. I am stronger, hold greater conviction and am even more passionate about making a difference. I show up consciously and with intention.

At the end of the day, I feel lucky - lucky to be alive, to make choices about how and where I show up, and to make meaningful contributions to the people and the world around me.