Loyalty vs. Ethics: The Battle Every Leader Must Face

Dear Mindful Leader,

One of the greatest challenges of leadership is the responsibility to defend and stand up for your people, especially when loyalty is tested. We are often called to fight for those we care about, to shield them from harm, and to be their advocate.

But what happens when the lines of ethics blur? When we are bound to defend someone even when we know they’re wrong?

This is not just a question of leadership but a profound ethical conflict. The Rule of Benedict, which emphasizes humility, fairness, and the pursuit of truth, provides guidance in these situations. But living by this rule is not easy. It requires us to weigh the value of loyalty against the pursuit of what’s right.

Let me vulernable and confess this is a battle I have faced myself—one that still haunts me today.

In my 30s, I was a passionate man, and in the name of loyalty, I became vicious. My wife and I were a team, and I would always back her up, no matter what. It didn’t matter if she was in the wrong, I stood by her side, often at the expense of others. If someone crossed her, they crossed me, and I made sure they paid the price. Looking back, I see how viciously I defended her, not out of a sense of justice but out of an obligation to protect the person I loved, even if it meant hurting others.

I fully concede that in my younger days, I crossed lines, lashing out at others with an almost reckless abandon, convinced of my own righteousness. Now, with the clarity that age and wisdom afford, I confess those actions as grievous errors, a sin of misplaced loyalty. I’ve spent years reflecting on my past transgressions, but let me be brutally honest—I’m not married right now, yet when I remarry, I’m uncertain if I could restrain myself if someone dared to malign my wife. It’s a primal impulse I must confront and a personal challenge I know requires deep work.

Yet, there’s a deep understanding within me now that defending someone out of blind loyalty, especially when they are ethically wrong, causes damage. It distorts the truth and leads to greater harm.

This inner conflict is something I continue to work on, as I’m sure many of you do too. The Rule of Benedict offers us wisdom: “Prefer nothing to the love of Christ.” This includes our own pride and our misguided loyalties.

When we place fairness and truth above all, we serve not just the people we are loyal to but everyone involved.

Leadership requires the courage to defend, yes, but also the courage to be fair, even when it feels uncomfortable. To stand for what is right, even when it means questioning those we love. I’ve learned that real strength is found in the ability to challenge those closest to us when they stray from the path of righteousness. It is not about being vicious in defense but about having the integrity to correct course, even if it means standing against the ones we love.

As I reflect on my past, I realize that standing by my wife was not wrong, but the way I did it was. I did not follow the principles of fairness or justice. I was blinded by love and loyalty, and that blindness hurt others. This is a sin I have committed, and one I continue to struggle with.

As Mindful Leaders, my call to action for you is to examine where your loyalties lie.

Are you defending someone because it’s the right thing to do, or are you doing so because you feel obligated?

Are you vicious in your defense, harming others in the process, or are you striving for fairness and balance?

The Rule of Benedict calls us to humility, to consider the needs of the many over the needs of the few, and to always seek the truth, even when it’s hard.

I encourage you to reflect on the moments where you, too, may have defended others out of blind loyalty.

It’s something we all do as leaders, and while loyalty is admirable, it must be balanced with fairness. If not, we risk falling into the trap of defending the indefensible, and that is a path that leads only to regret.

Let’s commit to being the kind of leaders who stand up for what is right, even when it’s difficult. Let’s strive to be both loyal and fair, and let’s recognize when our desire to protect those we care about may be clouding our judgment. The Rule of Benedict gives us a framework, but it’s up to us to do the hard work of applying it to our daily lives.

May we all find the courage to lead with both compassion and fairness.

With a Heart Full of Faith and Purpose,

David

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? Published by: David Vogel, in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire

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