"Loving. Kind. Quirky."

3 words one of my clients used recently to describe me. I'll take that!

But her session wasn't about me ... it was all about them.

My goodness we covered a lot! It was the kind of session that needed to over run. It did, and that's okay, because I build that into the schedule, just in case.

She started by feeling "sleepy and tired". Despite all the evidence to the contrary, even wondering if they were just "lazy" and weren't working hard enough!

"Things not clear." "Nothing is working." "Feels like chaos." Which all "reflects in my health". "I feel under pressure and alone, with no sense of belonging."

Ever felt like this? It's not pleasant. It's exhausting.

By the end of the call, however, my clients life was inordinately simplified and energised.

They'd seen that they were "too controlling and too rigid", with "too many things" on her list". We reduced her entire life into just 5 things for now. We can manage 5 things far better than 97.

I don't need to share all 5 here, but it's worth saying the first of those things was her health. Tired and exhausted, she needed to take time to rest, recover, calm her mind. We talked through a variety of simple ways to do that. Not as a pressured list of must dos, but as a flexible menu to choose from.

We also talked about the lack of certainty she had on her immediate plans. Plenty of clarity on the 2024 and ultimate outcomes they want, but little details on the plan for the here and now to move towards them. She wasn't lazy at all. She was doing plenty of things, too many things in fact, but she was so busy she wasn't even acknowledging what she was doing. A lack of purposeful focus and clarity can often trick us into thinking we're lazy. It's like Brendon Burchard says:

"You are not lazy. You are tired. Perhaps you are lacking a few meaningful goals. Get some rest. Breathe a little. Start dreaming again. Set a plan, remember your strength, march on with enthusiasm and love and all will be well."

I sent her this quote after our call. It perfectly captured our conversation.

The conversation wasn't done though. She was also craving connection - that sense of belonging - after a recent career move didn't pan out. We explored how her recent experience, whilst it didn't work out, it had lit a spark. She experienced for a short time what it truly feels like to belong, and that's a very good thing. She now knows what she's aiming for with a passion; and this time with the right people around her for the long run.

Interestingly during this confusing time, she also met her contribution and significance (leadership) needs, by seeking out friends to help with their projects and life challenges. She thrives by helping others. Looking beyond ourselves in these moments can massively help.

If you're not familiar, this all has to do with our 6 Human Needs, one of my favourite frameworks I teach and coach all my clients on. The clarity and energy, as a result of walking through all this, was beautiful to witness. There was clarity, focus, understanding and perspective.

Beyond all this we even identified that a lot of frustration - and exhaustion - was being caused by their expectation of others.

Driven, passionate people thrive around other driven and passionate people; but when our expectation of how someone will respond, act and communicate isn't met, we can feel upset, frustrated, angry even. Yet, this whole situation is created in our mind. We set ourselves up to feel upset, frustrated and angry by having unrealistic expectations of others. There was a huge light bulb moment at this point, as we maintained my client's high standard, but dropped the expectations. Aptly timed too, as she was going into a massive, and exciting, conversation with a very influential person in her industry after our call.

I've covered a lot here I know. But this is real life. I wanted to show that this is the kind of "chaos" we can hold in our heads and bodies, and maybe it sounds all too familiar. None of it serves us though. Struggling day on day. It only builds into bigger challenges and health issues, impacting us and those around us.

Having a "loving, kind, quirky" guy by your side to share it with though, and trusting him to help you unpick it, so you can feel calm, confident and in control again is priceless. Just as my client here experienced.

This is what I do.

If it's time you shared what's in your head and holding you back, drop me a message. I'm here to help.

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Martin Seville?is a Breakthrough Coach, Storyteller and Mental Health Advocate.

The co-author of six books, creator?of The Hero's Journey?and?Stressed Dad to Calm Dad?Coaching Programmes, and your host for the Extreme Confidence Breakthrough Experience he Empowers Leaders, Managers and Business Owners to take back control of their work and time, overcome the beliefs, stories and habits in their way, so they can live their most Extraordinary Life with Balance and Extreme Confidence.

Martin is passionate about Empowering hard working, conscientious parent Leaders, Managers and Business Owners to?Believe in Themselves?and be the?Hero of Their Story.

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