Lover’s Quarrel?

“You said that just to hurt me!”

It hurts (a lot) when someone you care for doubts your motives.

It’s one of the most upsetting things in the world. It’s a recipe for an epic fight.

Lover’s quarrel is an argument between lovers, a boyfriend and girlfriend or a husband and wife. Having a lovers quarrel is an example of two people who love each other but are arguing or in a rough patch. If you are having a lovers quarrel with him, it means you may be having a rough time in your relationship. Don’t allow a quarrel to go so far as to destroy the love you share.

When you’re upset, point out the actions that make you feel hurt. Don’t accuse your partner of intending to hurt you.

Why? Because if you’ve experienced this yourself, you know it leaves you feeling misunderstood to the point that you actually feel lonely.

“If he doesn’t know my character well enough to know I would not intentionally hurt him like that then he must not know me at all.”

So what should you do when you feel hurt?

For starters, don’t ignore it or avoid it. I’m not suggesting that you say nothing. That’s a bad call. If you’re hurt and uncomfortable, you need to communicate that. Stuffing your feelings will only lead to resentment. That’s toxic in any relationship. It will end up pushing the two of you apart in the long run.

You can and should tell him when you feel hurt. Tell him he was insensitive. Tell him he’s ignoring an emotional need you have.

The beautiful thing about a lover’s quarrel is that usually, when you love each other still, you have the passion to fight and fight for and with each other. It’s when all communication stops that a person should be even more worried about their relation falling apart. Also, a lover’s quarrel does imply that you will make up, because after all, lovers tell each other everything.

Just don’t tell him he meant to hurt you. You see the distinction, right?

Letting him know he let you down is one thing. Accusing him of intentionally hurting you is something else entirely.

There are many things lovers argue about but the most common thing that lovers quarrels are really about is jealousy. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that can quickly spiral out of control. Although jealousy is not negative in itself, its people’s reactions to jealous feelings that make it a negative and spiritual drain on a love relationship. If you are having serious lovers quarrels you might want to examine whether you are letting jealousy control your life and become a self-fulfilling prophecy that will destroy the relationship. If the cause of the jealousy doesn’t destroy the love, your jealous reaction to it surely will.

When you make that leap, he’ll hear it as an attack on his character. And really, it is. He will get defensive in a heartbeat, and I know that’s not what you want.

Sure, there will be times when you genuinely feel like he hurt you on purpose. But a lot of that suspicion is tied to your feelings of disappointment. And guess what? Those feelings will pass. When they do, you’ll remember that you’re with this guy because you trust each other. You don’t want to undermine that foundation of mutual trust in the heat of the moment.

Jealousy does not grow on trees and it typically stems from either the lack of trust or lack of emotional assurance from one’s lover. Jealousy can also come from having a very low self-image or an inferiority complex. If you have been cheated on or betrayed before, you may be more prone to jealousy and anxiety. If you’re the jealous one in a lovers quarrel, you must learn to act by reason and not be driven solely by your emotions.

Jealousy is just a product of your own emotional patterns that exist primarily in your head. Your past relationships can also create emotional baggage that you carry forward.

The key is to focus on his actions, not his intentions.

Instead of questioning his motives, stick to the facts. Tell him that what he said or did left you feeling hurt. Even if the situation is something you’ve addressed before, steer clear of implying his actions signify a lack of concern or investment. Most likely, he really didn’t mean to hurt you.

After all, he’s human. Even the best guy in the world is going to screw up from time to time. In giving him the benefit of the doubt, you’re paving the way to resolution without a knock-down-drag-out fight.

And if you really want a solid relationship. Make it a rule about how you handle conflict as a couple. Agree that both of you will always be honest about how you feel when you’re hurt, but you’ll never question each other’s good intentions.

Sometimes I think of the sun and the moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase and almost always miss one another. But once in a while, they do catch up, and they kiss and the world stares in awe of their eclipse.

Get to know her….better. Your Thoughts ?...........

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