Loved like "Grump"

Today is the first day since 2002 that my focus was not on serving my community. Though I have long been convinced that this life I chose is a calling, today I did what was needed for me; rest, workout, reading, tweaking our financial plan, praying, and connecting with family. It honestly didn't feel like a different day other than the fact of that harsh reality that I no longer had the Microsoft Office suite on my laptop anymore as I attempted to open a word document! I played myself :-)

In the midst of a full context and rhythm change I stopped and paused, after praying I had a realization that I had lived out a career completely influenced by my brother Jamal- African American Family Services, St. Paul Urban League, Student Literacy Corp, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern MO, Storefront/Headway Emotional Health Services, ministry, and Urban Ventures... a little over two decades have gone by and I am following the footsteps of a giant in my heart!

He was always giving and without boasting about it. He was always taking the extra time, without making you feel bad about it. All he wanted in return was for people to do better and be better for others. And I could never grow the beard! My army pants, dope kicks, and fedora look was always incomplete without the beard that I couldn't grow! But the style was always supposed to be on 100 and make you question the bounds of professional attire because it always met with twice the effort. The community always recognized you and the style was just an outward expression of an inward connection.

I wore #44 in high school (also in college in practice) because of Jamal. I learned how to cut hair because of him (my most famous client from college is now a commercial star), my obsession with shoes came from him (as well as nearly a third of my current collection), my drive to serve community without a camera, and pride in my history and heritage were also influenced by him. When he was diagnosed with Stiff Person Syndrome, I drew the picture that is in the header and printed it on canvas as a physical reminder for him to keep pushing- every image intentional and tells a story, every color carefully selected, every line done with purpose, and every detail done with care. It is one of my dopest works EVER! I read messages and cards that people sent me from UV, I even reminisced about things that were said to me. I felt like I was loved like Grump. Today I was reminded that the way I showed up, how I dressed, how I spoke, how I affirmed and saw people, how I went out of my way, and even how I left was an outward expression of an inward connection. I felt the love.

I plan to have many days like today-

Days where I can process why I am hurting and confusingly feel energized at the same time. Days where my focus is on me and my family and my pace changes, my world stops, and yet I feel liberated. I may not shower or leave the house and may sit on the couch and watch Abbott Elementary or Brooklyn 99 until I get bed sores! Days where my development and regression happen at the same time but all with the purpose of being a better me as I prepare my mind and body to serve at new heights, utilizing my every gift, while learning new skills with the intention of realizing my calling, in a new way.

Tomorrow, I have therapy, try out some of my new shoes, make time for prayer, some reading, and drawing what tickles my imagination; it'll just happen as it happens, and I am grateful for that timeline... My timeline.

I am going to snuggle with daughter as I put her to bed and have pillow talk with Jaralyn as we embrace this unfathomable season. Thank you for rooting for me.

Until the next time we connect!