Love Yourself

“You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

I perused Britannica to get the scoop in the origin of Valentine’s Day, also called St. Valentine’s Day – February 14th, when lovers express their affection with romantic dinners, heart-felt gestures, chocolates, flowers and gifts. The holiday has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I replaced Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance from about the 14th century. While celebratory in nature, it can also be a day of dread for singles pining away for their perfect pairing, or the scatterbrained soulmate who humbly forgets or never seems to measure up to the expectation of their significant other. I for one coin it a “Hallmark Holiday” where it’s more geared for commercial gain than to commemorate intimate appreciation. For me it feels forced and outside in vs inside out. Then again, I have been single for eons, so perhaps that taints my experience a bit.

This got me thinking about the core of love – self-love. Why is it so seemingly easy to love others, but more of a challenge to fully and wholly love ourselves? Most people practice being critical of themselves. You know, those self-deprecating, belittling, disapproving thoughts that we aren’t thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, savvy enough, rich enough, or where we need to be in life. One of the sources is that many other well-meaning people who have held you as their object of attention, need you to be different from who you are so that they can feel better. You know that teacher who said you were stupid, because he/she really was concerned about their performance as an instructor. Why isn’t this kid getting it??? Or one of your parents whose parents taught them kids should be seen and not heard, so your bubbly personality was squelched into silence. How can I be a good parent if I have no control over my child? Or that jealous friend who said you were ugly or fat because the boy she liked you. Newsflash – no one has any control over who does or doesn’t like you. What’s interesting is that none of this has anything to do with you, yet can have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem. I believe that once we become aware of this, it gets easier to love who you truly are at the core. One of my favorite quotes about this is “I am not who you think I am, you are who you think I am.” Ponder that one for a minute…

Now that we’ve got all that nonsense out of the way, here’s some really simple tools to help you tune into your awesomeness, your uniqueness, and all the fabulous parts that make up your lovable SELF. Remember, you deserve to be loved not only by the people who surround you, but the most important person – YOU. Did you know that of the 7.674 BILLION people who inhabit planet Earth right now there is NO ONE EXACTLY LIKE YOU?? You are enough, you will always be enough. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! When we practice self-love, we can push through our limiting beliefs, and live a life that truly shines!

• BE FLAWSOME – an individual who embraces their flaws and knows they are awesome regardless
• Ask yourself “Is this thought, belief or habit going to get me closer or farther away from the life I say I want to have?”
• Surround yourself with uplifting, positive, growth minded people. After all you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around with most
• Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy and the killer of creativity
• Celebrate your wins – no matter how big or small
• Practice gratitude EVERY GODDAMN DAY
• Take good care of the bag of skin you’re rolling around in. Feed it nourishing food, get proper rest, stay hydrated and move! It’s the only thing housing that fabulous soul of yours this time around.
• Always be kind – to yourself and others
• Find your happy place and stay there as long as humanly possible
• Love yourself like your life depends upon it – because it does!

Funny enough, my favorite movie of all time is “Love Actually.” The opening scene at the Heathrow airport arrivals gate, where Hugh Grant’s voiceover so poignantly points states:

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around…”

Love Actually Arrival Gate Video.

Love starts in your own heart! I hope this has served you as it has for me. After all, it’s always an Inside-Project.

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love” Brene Brown